The Other Men in my Life

I don't talk about them as often as I should, heck I don't even talk TO them as often as I should. I am trying to remedy both things starting this year. So for your viewing pleasure...my younger brothers. Three young men of whom I am so very proud.

Still Feeling Chunky?

Hello Readers! 

I just wanted to put a little post up here about the 2009 Chunkster challenge. I do plan to host it. I am working on details for it, but they aren't quite ready for a full fledged post about it. I do know that we will start Feb 1 and go through Nov 15th (because who wants to read a tome over the holidays? Not me.) So consider this a marker, your little worry stone to know that details are coming. Please don't sign up yet....anticipation is a good thing.

BE BRAVE! Read a chunkster or 6. 

In addition, the Chunkster Blog is back in action. Please save the RSS to your aggregators.

http://feelinchunky.blogspot.com/

The Personal Side of Thinkpink Reads

I generally save this blog exclusively for book reviews and book talk. Not every one who reads book blogs is interested in the personal side of life, and really that's fine by me. But, for anyone who is, and for anyone who is curious about why it seems I keep dropping of the planet, here's a little peek into what 2008 held for me, and I have to tell you, this year seems no less rocky then the ones that came before. 

2008 in review

My Ebenezer

I wonder if it says anything about my state of mind that I had to look in three different places to compile my thoughts for this post? This year I switched from Typepad (strictly cost, I did and still do recommend their services HIGHLY) To my own site (which is still in operation and I have some plans for it this year) whose platform just never fit quite right for my obsessive need to label and cross label and organize my daily thoughts, to here. It's been a sporadic year of blogging. But if you hadn't guessed it, even when I am not posting, life rolls merrily along whether or not I want it to. Rachel at  Home Sanctuary challenge readers to memorialize the events of 2008, to raise an Ebenezer in other words. I felt up to the challenge.

January: January was interesting month for us. My husband came very close to quitting his job and leaving the ministry. I stepped away from a ministry I had been a part of for over 15 years. It's resulted in intense re-evaluation on my part, a process that is never fun. I am still working on finding my footing and sorting out my thoughts even a year later. Incidentally it's been since then that I really actively engaged in large services. I think God's going to make me work on that first this year. I know there is another post about it brewing.

February: In February my Mom turned sixty, which was difficult for me. I traveled to Nashville to meet my WAH girls and we mourned Natalie together for the first time. We also played more rounds of apples to apples than anyone should in forty-eight hours.

March: March brought us around to Arizona again. This is the first time I was able to fly out with the team instead of meeting them after dropping the kids in Nashville. We dug and rocked the world's longest clay filled ditch and hauled endless timber. I wanted to bring home a million children.

April: I don't remember many momentous events in April and of course it was during a blogging blackout. We did finish up the first year of co-op at TCC successfully, and much to my surprise I loved doing it.

May: May brings birthdays and cancerversaries. Olivia turned eight. I turned both twelve (in cancer years) and thirty-five ( in old lady years). Hunky got me the greatest gift ever and I spent an hour in a shark cage at Sea World. By the end of May we were again caught up in graduation and summer prep madness. Hunky would be gone 6 of eight weeks through the summer. Stinky. Not so stinky, my oldest brother graduated law school.

June: Summer always marks our times of weird schedules and long times alone. In June the kids went to camp and Hunky and I enjoyed the infamous "naked week at the condo". And we really enjoyed it. The anniversary of Nattie's passing came and went with many tears and also much laughter.

July: Hunky had a birthday (his 37th). We had to have our sweet family dog of twelve years put to sleep. Two long time friends died on the same day, one of breast cancer, one of thyroid cancer. WE escaped for our family vacation to Michigan. And without a doubt the highlight of the month (and one of the whole year), I met my darling Jane face to face for the very first time--but certainly not the last. 

August: We began the month chilling and enjoying utter laziness on the shores of Base Lake in Michigan. We returned home to life in full swing beginning a new school year with two fourth graders and a fifth grader, a new year of co-op and once again facilitating Disciple 3. Hunky launched the new year of  Awakening, and I became a full time Weds night youth partner. Also we enjoyed Fay-the storm that we thought would never end.

September: More of schooling sameness but also a four day trip to Arizona (including thirty-six AWESOME HOURS at a resort in Phoenix) for the AICM forty year home coming. This is the month we also learned that our good friends and Hunky's youth ministry intern were leaving for five months. It proved to be a harder adjustment than we anticipated. Craig's grandfather went into the hospital for what would be a long, and final, illness. My grandmother went into the hospital with what we thought was a heart attack, but proved to be a cardiac event that was much less serious. Craig's sister married and three lovely ladies were her bridesmaids. I rode the Kraken at Sea World.

October: October began a time of sweeping change and revival in the youth ministry. It seemed we rarely had time to stop and breathe, let alone fit in more than the ordinary things. Craig did preach big church in all five services one week, and may I say, he rocked my SOCKS off. Oh, and I moved my blog here, and have been a much more regular blogger since then. We also found out that Craig's sister is PREGNANT and the girls are going to be COUSINS!  My brother Matt found out he passed the bar exam, and is indeed, a real lawyer.

November: November was a month of loss and pulling close. Craig's grandfather worsened and was finally taken off life support, passing away within the hour. Craig's uncle also worsened in a long term medical facility very rapidly, and passed away the morning of Gramps' funeral. We hosted Thanksgiving for Craig's family and had a wonderful time together despite our sadness. And Lindsay rode the Kraken at Sea World and became the roller coaster QUEEN.

Finally, December: December brings it's own brand of madness to the household, two birthdays, parties, meetings, activities, Christmas celebrations, traveling hither and yon. Bailey turned ten on the first and Lindsay turned eleven on the ninth. This year is the tenth anniversary of my own Dad's passing, which is hard. Homeless for a Night went on without us this year as all the family crises meant something had to give. Hunky of course was there but the girls and I stayed home. We traveled to Stuart for a fun early Christmas with Pop-pop and Dah. We traveled to Nashville for Christmas with my mom and brothers, AND WE CELEBRATED FOURTEEN YEARS BEING MARRIED ( I just got in so. much. trouble for leaving this out).  Now, we are home.

Thus was the year of lilies. God provided in ways I never anticipated we would even need, but nothing surprised Him at all. 

Sunday Salon #2

No time for regrets here.  There are many many things I could have done differently with my reading and blogging this year. But I didn't. In the end, it's truly not the end of the world. I did read, quite a bit as a matter of fact. I simply didn't record it as I intended, but if I did everything right the first time I set out to do it, well then, what in the world what I do during the last week of December?

I didn't read as much over Christmas as I would have liked. I did finish An Ocean Apart by Robin Pilcher and A Prayer for the Dying by Stewart O'Nan, neither of which have been reviewed (hopefully tomorrow). My mom shocked the goo out of me by buying and reading the entire Twilight series this fall, and she passed the books on to me while we were home, so I am hopping on the bandwagon to see what all the hoopla is about. I've read about the first half of the first book and my current appraisal is interesting brain candy. Which is honestly what I expected, and I am certainly not against that sort of book. I plan to devote a bit more time to reading here in my last week of time off real life and at least wipe out the first two in the series, if not the first three.

I am working as well on determining a loose reading plan for the year. I am joining a few challenges. I already posted about the 999 challenge. I'm looking into a few others and some perpetual challenges. I'm limiting myself to about 4-5 non-perpetuals this year, and honestly other than the TBR and the 999 challenge, nothing is proving irresistable right now. I'm also working on hosting plans for the chunkster, a challenge I failed abysmally in hosting last year, but as always try, try again. 

I raided the bookshelves of the library this week and now have more books than I can possibly read before they are due to be returned. I'm really not sure why I do that, but I will try to finish them as best I can and then I am going to focus for a bit on some of the things I have waiting for me here at home. I am betting I can finish a large portion of the 999 with things that are simply sitting on my shelves right now.

I'm setting a tentative goal of 110 books for 2009, but will be happy with anything over 85. Part of that will be at least 25 non-fiction/ essay/ poetry as opposed the glut of fiction I tend to indulge in.

And that is all from here today.

Getting Started

I always have such high hopes for the new year, but I seldom take the time to work them out slowly and thus I don't often have much success. Over the month of January I hope to blog more about goals for 2009. There are several books I want to study in relation to my theme. There are things I want to modify about my life and new habits I want to acquire. Overall, I would like to live more purposefully, but also allow myself more time to be creative and to enjoy my life and my family. Those always seem to be part of my goals so obviously I am not where I want to be...yet.  But as I look at the large scope of things I sometimes lose sight of the little things I would like to start immediately, the first steps to take on the journey of my year. A few months ago I shared The Habit List which I starred and saved but didn't implement. Today I have printed it out and have determined five daily and three semiweekly habits that I need to start. Along with that I have chosen two larger project to tackle during the month. 

Daily Habits:

Exercise 20 minutes

Chronological Study Bible/ Disciple

Write (blog)

Pictures

Daily task plan

Semi Weekly:

Yoga

snail mail

call mom/ contact brothers

Monthly goals:

clean out garage

store and organize all digitals photos

All of these things are part of the larger pieces of things that I hope to make ingrained elements of my lifestyle this year. I am actually trying to make a shift so that my habits and goals are more creative and enrichment oriented than daily chore oriented. I'm tired of constantly thinking about housework and plan to intentionally make a shift in that focus this year. However, all of that needs to be addressed in another blog

Deepening

 "But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, 
       whose confidence is in him.

  He will be like a tree planted by the water 
       that sends out its roots by the stream. 
       It does not fear when heat comes; 
       its leaves are always green. 
       It has no worries in a year of drought 
       and never fails to bear fruit."

                             Jeremiah 17:7-8

So it is the end. The end of another year, and the birth pangs of the new. Anyone who has read me for any length of time will know that several years ago I began to search for a theme for my year to come. At first it was done rather carelessly, but as time went by it bacame a process of listening and awareness: awareness of events past and listening for what God would have me do with those events. 

It's been a gut wrenching few years, filled with sorrow and despair, loss of friends, of family, of self identity, of things we held close to our hearts as things that defined our purpose, and perhaps our character. There are times when I have felt stripped down to a level of rawness where even the movement of breath against my skin, or my soul, was painful. Now is the time to stop my struggles and deepen in He who is my purpose. To be honest, it is the most anticipation I have felt in some time regarding what the future holds. 

Over the past weeks and months, the Savior has taken my hand and shown me how a travesty is only a piece of His triumph, how a remnant fulfills a promise, how our greatest glorification is found in our most agonizing heartaches. When I cannot see my Lord nor find His purpose, it is not mine to question (though no doubt I will), it is mine to send my roots down deep, deep into what I know. To search for the Living Water that is not merely a promise for the future but my re-birth right for this world today. Every moment, as it happens, to drink deep from the river in a dry and thirsty land. I have no doubt that much of this year will require work and great discipline. I will fail as often as I succeed, and yet His faithfulness is not changed in my failure, it only changes if I refuse to try at all. 

I am reminded of Peter who is most often recognized for sinking beneath the waves, but oh, what of those glorious steps before the fear gripped him? What of those few moments when he stood atop the waves watching the approach of He who calms the storm? What wouldn't I give to experience those moments, even if I drown in the next?

So I will deepen. Believing firmly that in me is a great work which will not be left unfinished, and knowing with my whole heart that walking on water is only one step away at any given moment.

Love Came Down at Christmas

A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it.
~George Moore

Sometimes in the back of my mind I feel a little bit guilty that I don't get into the whole churchy Christmas scene. Not growing up in a Christian home, we never did the "Christmas Eve service" thing. Living far from extended family, we always were just us at Christmas. I grew up that way, and I selfishly admit that I can't imagine any other way that Christmas could be better. My family may have it's quirks and problems. For four siblings, we run the gamut of lifestyles, choices, education and beliefs. We can quarrel with the masters of argument on occasion, but when it comes to Christmas, we have always done things right, and this year was certainly no different.

We drove overnight to Nashville this year. The car was packed; I napped up to cover the majority of the driving, and we were all hoping against hope that we might have snow. As it turns out, we didn't, but that may be the only wish to have gone unfulfilled this year. I think all of us felt pulled together this holiday. Early December marked the ten year anniversary of the death of our Dad. My Mom has had a scare with my Grandmother's health this year that resulted in more frequent trips to Michigan. My oldest brother recently graduated law school, passed the bar, and started a new job. My middle brother survived a round of lay-offs and moved out of my mom's into a house with some friends. My youngest has suffered a rather tumultuous year in his love life, also recently moved, not to mention turning twenty-seven and deciding to go back to school all while we were there.  I probably need not recount the year it's been for my family. I think in our hearts we were all counting on Christmas to bring us home and remind us of the things that look different, but never really change.

The days passed and the house filled with boys grown to men and little girls growing into young ladies, with food and  dogs and presents and love and laughter and memories (and not a little bit of whiskey as well). Our hearts swelled and our sorrows disappeared for a little while as we revisited the place we were meant to be, as we all came home for a little while. I wish I knew the magic that makes us fall in love again each year, wiping away the ghosts of the past that would injure us and break us apart. Each year seems to bind us a little closer, a little more seamlessly, with more understanding and forgiveness layered over the imperfections until all I can see as look into each face is a reflection of my own heart and all the love it holds.

Yes, it may be that the Kingdom would be more served if I sacrificed my Christmas for the lost, or filled the day with good works in the name of my King. Or perhaps, throughout this year I will be mindful of the love that came down to be born in a stable and murdered on hill. I will expend it recklessly with heartbreaking abandon in all the months to come, so that again at Christmas I can go home, and be filled.

Merry Christmas, a little late, to you all. May you be filled.

Replete

Be Near me, Lord Jesus.

I ask thee to stay

close by me forever and love me I pray.

Bless all the dear children in thy tender care

and take us to heaven

to live with thee there.

Tonight I feel peaceful.  And grateful. And happy. God came near. God is near. Here in the thin place where heaven reaches down and touches earth, where a light shines into the darkness, I have enough.

Tennessee Christmas

I truly don't know how this happens. How is it that I turn around and a week has gone by and I haven't blogged. I truly intended to chronical each day in December because I love this month. Somehow I got caught up in birthdays and obligations and family and..and..and.  And honestly, it's okay. Sometimes when you remember a father and a best friend, when you care and pray over friends with health issues large and small, when stop worrying what might happen and speak truth anyway, when you mend relationships that you missed deeply , when marriages are breaking apart around you and you are all that more mindful of treasuring your own, well, on those occasions, blogging can fall by the wayside, and that's okay too.

Some things cannot be put into words and should not be publically aired. Some things just need to be experienced and enjoyed. While I would hope to capture every moment, I can never do that. And now, we are caught in what is always the frantic bustle of the last few days before leaving for Christmas. Still, starting today might help me to stay in the habit of capturing moments once I get home. In case you hadn't heard me shouting high and low from mountain top and valley: I am so excited about going home. My family has as many faults and wrinkles as any other, but if there is one thing we do right, it's Christmas together. As four adults, my brothers and I have never spent a Christmas apart, and only death keeps our Dad from us now. Robert Frost said that home is the place that when you go there, they have to take you in, but for me, home is the place where I know the people there, and I want more than anything, to be with them anyway, and they with me. That's not something that can be bought or planned, that's love. We've spent a lifetime building it, and now is the time when we make sure that it's sound and repaired, to add new memories and repair our alters. It's a gift that I never want to take for granted.  And in case there wasn't enought cheesy sentiment in this post:

Come on weather man give us a forecast snowy white,  
Can't you hear the prayers of every childlike heart tonight?  
Rockies are callin', Denver snow fallin'
Somebody said it's four feet deep, 

but it doesn't matter
Give me the laughter, I'm gonna choose to keep

Another tender Tennessee Christmas, the only Chirstmas for me 
Where the love circles around us like the gifts around our tree
Well I know there's more snow up in Colorado than my roof will ever see
But a tender Tennessee Christmas is the only Christmas for me

Every now and then I get a wanderin' urge to see
Maybe California, maybe Tinsel Town's for me.  
There's a parade there, we'd have it made there
Bring home a tan for New Year's Eve.  
Sure sounds exciting, awfully inviting, still I think I'm gonna keep

Another tender Tennessee Christmas, the only CHristmas for me.  
Where the love circles around us like the gifts around our tree
Well they say in L.A. it's a warm holiday, it's the only place to be
A tender Tennessee Christmas, is the only Christmas for me

Well I know there's more snow up in Colorado than my roof will ever see
But a tender Tennessee Christmas is the only Christmas for me
A tender Tennessee CHristmas is the only Christmas for me

Simple Woman's Daybook 12/8

FOR TODAY December 8, 2008...

Outside my window... Christmas lights are up and down the street. It's a warm evening for December and the clouds are racing past the moon.

I am thinking... the birth of my oldest eleven years ago. It was about this time that I started to feel fairly desperate about the entire labor process. About the nature of friendship and why I can't just live in a cave and drink tequila with my husband all the day long, about why there are always more dirty dishes

I am thankful for... my Lindsay, an upcoming vacation, possibilities, and growth

From the learning rooms... measurement, prophecy, Christmas symbols, and lots of homemade tree ornaments

From the kitchen... Creme de menthe birthday cake

I am wearing... Jammies. I feel like that's all I am ever wearing when I do these things when that really is not all I ever wear.

I am creating... today? worry. And I need not worry, but that's hard for me to see today. Lilies Lilies Lilies

I am going... To Stuart, To Nashville, To the park, To look at Christmas lights, To Disciple, but first, to bed.

I am reading... Andrew McCall Smith's Isabel Dalhousie series. Currently: The Right Attitude to Rain

I am hoping... to find a way to stop my thoughts from spinning. That God will smooth over the schedule of things that somehow must happen.

I am hearing... strange noises that I had to get up and try to figure out what they were.

Around the house... stray bits of this and that. Detritus from about 100 projects and dust bunnies.

One of my favorite things... Sabbath rest

A few plans for the rest of the week: Early Christmas in Stuart, Ameritech Christmas party, date night (YAAAY TIM AND BROOKE) a birthday, Disciple, Awakening and just more working on the lists.

Here is picture thought I am sharing...

Surprises

You would think that as I get older, I would find fewer and fewer things surprising, having been exposed to more and all. Instead, I think I find myself more often surprised than not and I think it would be remiss to not record some of the things that have most shaped my year.

* Grief never gets easier. It just gets more familiar.
* In ministry, it can still be far more about what people perceive than who you really are, or how you really feel.
* There will always be some people who only want to be around you for the funny. When the laughter stops, so does the relationship.
* God.
* The more uncomfortable I am at all times, the more malleable I am.
* There are always two sides to every story.
* A great marriage is a rare and wonderful thing. I am so blessed.
* Humanity has changed very little in almost 10,000 years. That's true whether or not you are a creationist.
* Some people don't want your advice; they just want someone to hear them.
* Attending a service is about the least important function of the church body.
* Worship.
* Most people who ask what I believe are more interested in telling me why it's wrong than understanding why I believe it.
* Giving birth is the easiest part of parenting.

A-Z Home Making

This seemed like a fun meme for today! I am supposed to tag people at the end, but I don't like doing that. So if this strikes your fancy, do it, and leave me a link in the comments!

A is for Aprons - yes/no? If yes, what’s your favourite? 

 YES! I need to get into the habit of wearing it more than I do, but last year sweet Angie bought me the most adorable little apron EVER and I LOVE wearing it! It makes me smile just thinking about it!

B is for Baking - favourite thing to bake?
I love baking but I don't know that I have a favorite thing to bake. I've never done anything terribly exotic, but I have also never actually failed at any of my baking attempts!

C is for Clothesline - do you have one?

Yes, and we use it. This past week I alscked off a little bit at using it faithfully just because life got crazy busy, but I do think it's better for clothes and better for us financially. 

D is for Donuts - have you ever made them?
No, but I do love eating them. We have guests sleeping over in the morning-maybe I will have to make some!

E is for Every Day - one homemaking task you do every day. 
Dishes and running the vacuum. I don't vacuum the entire house daily but SOMETHING gets vacuumed every day. Most days I also do a load of laundry

F is for Freezer - do you have a separate deep freeze?
I don't have a deep freeze, but I have two fridge/ freezer units

G is for Garbage Disposal Unit - do you have one?
Yes, it came with the house. No, it doesn't even remotely work.

H is for Handbook - what’s your favourite homemaking resource?
Other people - whether that be blogs or in person. I love reading organizational blogs, community housework blogs (like Home Sanctuary) and I love talking to be people about housework. I think we are all always looking for ways to make it faster and more effective. It's fun sharing ideas

I is for Ironing - love or hate it?
I nothing it because I never do it.

J is for Junk Draw - yes/no? If yes, where is it?
I don't have one, or at least I try really hard not to. We have some questionable drawers in the front room, but I prefer to have organized, usable drawers and not keep junk.

K is for Kitchen - colour and decorating scheme?
Spring green and white with cows and chickens. Happiness.

L is for Love - what’s your favourite part of homemaking?
If I stay on top of my tasks for the day and at the end of the day have a beautiful, cozy home to relax in

M is for Mop - do you have one?
I do but i dont use it. Don't laugh. I spray the floor with vinegar and water and lay a towel down, then scoot it with my feet all over the floor. It works for me and it fast and effective, and just seems cleaner than the grody mop to me.

N is for Nylons - machine or hand wash? Really? people still wear nylons? I don't.

O is for Oven - do you use a window or open the oven door to check?
I open it every time. I forgot there was a light in there until recently

P is for Pizza - what do you put on yours?
All veggies, all the time

Q is for quiet - what do you do during the day when you get a quiet moment?
just breathe

R is for Recipe Card Box - yes/no? If yes, what does it look like?
I do. It's just a grey index card box, but I've had it for YEARS! I also use books and magazines and the internet

S is Style of House - what style is your house?
comfortable and easy to manage. Just perfect.

T is for Tableclothes - do you use them?
Yes, but usually vinyl ones unless it's a special occasion

U is for Under The Kitchen Sink - organised or toxic wasteland?
fairly organized, and mostly non-toxic cleaners

V is for Vacuum - how many times a week?
Oh I already answered this! Something gets vacuumed daily. Many days the entire house gets hit.

W is for Wash - how many loads of washing do you do each week?
almost a load a day. If i do the bedding it's more.

X’s - Do you keep a daily list of things to do that you cross off? 

Yes. I love a list!!!

  Y is for Yard - who does what?
Depends on the level of business. I enjoy taking care of the lawn, so does the hunky. I like to do it so that when he is home, he can relax and not have to spend an entire day working at home. But sometimes he gets cranky and makes me let him do it.

Zzzz’s - what’s the last homemaking task you do before bed in the evening?
pick up my bedroom and make sure the girls bedrooms are picked up as well.

Thursday 13 - Good things

Some days I struggle. It's hard for me to get lost in the clash of personalities when we don't all mesh, which we inevitably don't some days. Repetition of tasks and instructions weigh me down and I feel confined by endless clutter and to-do list, by expectations that I set up for myself which I seldom meet. But this is the month of finding joy, of seeking peace in the midst of the madness, and so instead I am focusing on the tremendous good in each day, found in the small and seemingly insignificant....

1) Chrismons - the girls and I had a grand time both cutting and coloring these delightful ornaments to hang on our tree and to give away as gifts.

2) The tree is down. I know it seems it should be UP, but it is down from the attic which means tomorrow it will go up and be decorated.

3) Two weeks to Nashville. I am missing home and brothers and my mom. It's going to be a great trip.

4) Consignments shop shopping trips. After looking at Nashville's forecast, I felt a few more wintry clothes were in order. Along with this came the lesson to my oldest of what we spent on the clothes on consignment vs. what they would have cost us new. And my picky daughter is happy in her new duds.

5) Leftover birthday cake. It sits in the fridge and waits. And it is delicious.

6) Friends quotes. My husband and I make me laugh. We are geeks. I love him with my whole heart. (Paper..snow...A GHOST!)

7) Wall E - "Put on your sunday clothes when you feel down and oooouuutttttt......"

8) A tween who still gives me kisses and wants to hold my hand. I love her so much it's painful. I can't believe she is turning 11 next week.

9) Being home. Some months I don't know how we'll make it. In a time when money barely stretches anywhere, I am so blessed to be here. This is what I was made for, and it's what I love, even on days when I struggle.

10) Facebook and Twitter. I'm sorry. They are silly and cheesy, but they let me hang out with my friends each and everyday. It makes me heart happy.

11) Amy Grant singing Tennessee Christmas. Maybe it's a silly song, but it really is close to my heart. Singing it has made me smile all day.

12) Family dinners, even the simple ones. Tonight it was good just to be together

13) Anticipation - for the days to come, the weeks to come, the new year...it's good to be excited.

Wordless Wednesday 12/3

Another tender Tennessee Christmas, the only Chirstmas for me 
Where the love circles around us like the gifts around our tree
Well I know there's more snow up in Colorado than my roof will ever see
But a tender Tennessee Christmas is the only Christmas for me

(a pic of Opryland Hotel at Christmas, where I was married)

Expect the Joy

 One of my goals this month is to expect Joy and find it everyday.  Joy isn't an elusive creature hiding amongst the underbrush. It's right here in my face and in my heart every moment, I simply have to choose to look for it.  God promised it, commanded it and expects it not occasionally when all the stars align properly and we have a good hair day and dish washing fairy visits, but in every circumstance in which we find ourselves.

 Tonight I once again had the pleasure of meeting with my Disciple group, and in joy, God met us there. We have spent months reading God's message of judgement and destruction on His people, but last night the scene changed and we read from Isaiah a message of hope, a promise of joy, a plan of glorified suffering and redemption. Joy was found in a group of people unafraid to examine a new thing. Eager faces shared what God revealed to them this week. Shining eyes spoke of excitement in being an integral piece of an eternal plan, a plan of which we only know the barest shadow and which will no doubt unfold in ways we couldn't imagine. 

 I walked out last night with more questions than answers and yet I felt closer to the truth of revelation than I have ever felt. 

I am the Lord, and there is none other. I have engraved  you in the palms of my hand.

Joy.

Nearly-Perfect

Sometimes I think I fail to blog because I know I can't properly put words to my experiences and as a perfectionist, that bothers me. Better to leave the words unsaid than to say them improperly, in my book. However, continuing to keep in this habit of blogging daily means that I have to attempt to put words to a nearly- perfect day.

Last year we started the tradition of celebrating the girls' birthdays at Sea World. Today was our December birthday day and it just happened to fall on Bailey's actual birthday. As if Sea World itself wasn't fantastic enough, when we go there in December we get to enjoy all the fun and festive Christmas activities, exhibits and shows that Sea World presents for the holidays. You just can't put a better ending on a magical day than saxophonist wailing out "Oh Holy Night" and enormous marine mammals dousing folks with freezing salt water.

Beyond that, I can't find the words to describe the perfect depth of cerulean blue overhead, the breathtaking speed and eye-watering chill of flying downhill and around the loop-de-loops of Kraken, the magical and mythical people and creatures performing feats that no living creature should be able to perform, the stuffed birthday animals cuddled and carried from one end of the park to the other, becoming already slightly scuffed and grimy on the journey. It would be too trite to put words to the simple joy of being together, embarassing the children, singing loud Christmas carols and trying to people watch without being obvious about it. Capturing the essence of a nearly-perfect day is a task better left for those of more prodigious literary prowess that I. I am thankful for this joyful and hopeful start to the busiest season of the year, again. It gives me excitement and hope for the days to come, that my peace bubble can grow to contain not only me, but to extend to those around me until we spill over with joy and contentment in loving each other and being together.

A nearly-perfect day, the only problem being that it will end soon and tomorrow makes no promises to follow the same pattern.