Sunday Salon #3

  January didn't provide me with as much reading time as I had hoped. But as I actually look back over the month, I suppose it wasn't a horrible month of reading. In January I read the following:

*Eclipse - Stephenie Meyer

*New Moon - Stephenie Meyer

*Breaking Dawn - Stephenie Meyer

* I am Legend -Richard Matheson (also several other short stories by Matheson)

*Plainsong - Kent Haruf

*Inkspell - Cornelia Funke

Obviously I went on a bit of a Vampire kick (and in fact am waiting on the third and fourth installment of the Gardella vampire chronicals to come in from the library). I'd like to read over one hundred books this year which means I need to step it up just a bit in the reading department, since the current track leaves me roughly 28 shy of that.

This month, and over the next few months I have decided to cut far back on my library acquisitions and focus a lot more heavily on what I already own. The stacks just keep increasing and I can't keep ignoring them. So I am going to try to keep it down to 1-2 library books a month (this month may average a bit higher since I already have somethings to wrap up, and a few things on reserve that will be a quick turn around due to high demand - Stephenie Meyers new book being one). I also really want to incorporate more non-fiction, of which I started two this month and finished neither. 

Today I spent an enjoyable few hours curled up with Neil Gaimon's Coraline. I'd like to spend more sundays simply reading something that can be consumed in an afternoon. I will spend some time this week looking at essays and novellas that may just fit the bill. I also have Stephen King's Just After Sunset that I could break up into a few Sunday's this month. Hopefully I'll have my reviews up for the unreviewed books soon as well. 

Plainsong by Kent Haruf

Plainsong is monophonic -- consisting of a single, unaccompanied melodic line. It is in free, rather than measured, rhythm. Plainsong often uses the lengthy reverberations and resonant modes of cathedrals to create harmonies.

I read Plainsong based on the recommendation of my friend Lori, who spoke of it's haunting simplicity and heartache. She was right (again) Plainsong is very simply the story of several interconnected lives in a small town on the edge of the Colorado plains. While I wouldn't say that life is simpler there, I would say that it simply takes less prose to discuss it, and therein lies the beauty of Plainsong. It is honest, though sometimes heartbreaking, complex though never verbose, introspective without maudlin emotionalism, it is simply wonderful and beautifully crafted in it's stark reality. I plan to read the sequal, Eventide, very soon. Rating 8/10  

from Amazon.com Review

Plainsong, according to Kent Haruf's epigraph, is "any simple and unadorned melody or air." It's a perfect description of this lovely, rough-edged book, set on the very edge of the Colorado plains. Tom Guthrie is a high school teacher whose wife can't--or won't--get out of bed; the McPherons are two bachelor brothers who know little about the world beyond their farm gate; Victoria Roubideaux is a pregnant 17-year-old with no place to turn. Their lives parallel each other in much the same way any small-town lives would--until Maggie Jones, another teacher, makes them intersect. Even as she tries to draw Guthrie out of his black cloud, she sends Victoria to live with the two elderly McPheron brothers, who know far more about cattle than about teenage girls. Trying to console her when she think she's hurt her baby, the best lie they can come up with is this: "I knew of a heifer we had one time that was carrying a calf, and she got a length of fencewire down her some way and it never hurt her or the calf."

Holt, Colorado, is the kind of small town where everyone knows everyone's business before that business even happens. In a way, that's true of the book, too. There's not a lot of suspense here, plotwise; you can see each narrative twist and turn coming several miles down the pike. What Plainsong has instead is note-perfect dialogue, surrounded by prose that's straightforward yet rich in particulars: "a woman walking a white lapdog on a piece of ribbon," glimpsed from a car window; the boys' mother, her face "as pale as schoolhouse chalk"; the smells of hay and manure, the variations of prairie light. Even the novel's larger questions are sized to a domestic scale. Will Guthrie find love? Will Victoria run away with the father of her baby? Will the McPherons learn to hold a conversation? But in this case, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts, and Plainsong manages to capture nothing less than an entire world--fencing pliers, calf-pullers, and all. Kent Haruf has a gorgeous ear, and a knack for rendering the simple complex. --Mary Park --This text refers to the Hardcover edition. 

Do-Over

  To begin with, it has not been the best month for me. So many, many, many things have happened, none of them inherently good or bad, but many of them difficult and when piled on top of one another often overwhelming. There is very little that I hoped to accomplish this month that actually happened. Mid-month found me once again in survival mode, which I really really wanted to avoid this year, and to be honest, I'm still kind of floating there.  

   One of the few things I did do that was good, was begin an evening walking regimen with the dog. There are nights when I absolutely begrudge the idea of going outside, but once I am out there, in the stillness, in the dark, with my silly, little dog trotting importantly beside me, everything slows and calms. My shoulders untense, my breathing slows, my facial muscles relax and I just walk. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, allowing the dog to stop and snuffle and explore from time to time. I watch the moon wax and wane and trace Orien with my eyes. These all-to-short moments have been a life saver for me this in this month of too-few empty moments. I was reminded in a conversation with my friend Ryan today that I must build into my schedule time to just be quiet. Introverts cannot continuously put themselves in high traffic social areas and not compensate that with time alone. That is the first thing I will change in next month's goals.

So, we are pretending that January, didn't happen and declaring a DO OVER in the new (year) month. Less frantic, more quiet. I make no promises beyond that, though I am feeling I want to do far more creative things than I have been allowing myself. Which means letting the pace be slower and the standards lower, but the rewards will be so many.

Here are the things I hope for, but make no promises:

*more drawing - I ordered and reserved multiple books. The girls and I will do this together

*more photographs - I have a beautiful new camera I must learn about. I won't post pics everyday. Maybe a weekly post of daily pics? We'll see.

*more exercise--especially the yoga video

*more reading-and reading what is in the house. I may impose a library ban for myself on fiction books for six months or more. 

* more blogging - more creative idea throwing around; more BIP; more Nablopomo

* less killing time

* less procrastinating

* less unfocused activity

* less busyness

While I Was Waiting

There are a lot of elderly volunteers at Halifax hospital, and they take their jobs very seriously. Honestly most of them are sweet and wonderful and kind ..HOWEVER..today we played a weird game of check in and wait first at same day surgery, then over to surgery in the main hospital OR, and back to same day surgery for recovery..so there were two waiting rooms for me to navigate. I started in SDS with the nice people. Then they took Craig in, so I made my way over to the main surgical waiting room because that is where the surgeon would eventually come to look for me. Apparently, at the main hospital waiting room, you are supposed to check in. This was information I was not privy to, and there was no one at the desk upon arrival to enlighten me

.

After I had been there for 30-ish minutes I went to the desk to ask about the restroom. The woman that God took to prom (based on an age assessment) GLARES at me and says, "Did you check in?"

I really tried to be nice--I SO did...I want you to know that

I NICELY said, "No ma'am, I didn't know I needed to, but I will now". She tells me, currently the only person in a ten foot radius, "You sit right there and I'll be with you in a minute."

Then she literally sits there and SHUFFLES PAPERS for 20 minutes while I wait.

Finally she asks who I am there for. I tell her. 

She writes on the pad a DESCRIPTION OF WHAT I LOOK LIKE so that she can find me when the dr calls for me (?!?!?!?! because there are about seven other people there? I guess? and calling my name would be...rude?) and asks where I am going to sit. 

Now, most people are sitting on one end by the television, but I am not all that interested in the millenial version of Family Feud so I point to the other side and say, "I'll be right over there" (Mind you, from the desk you can see THE ENTIRE ROOM--its not like I went in the broom closet).

"Oh no, you can't sit over there"

"Why not"

"Because I won't know where to look for you"

"Maybe (this is where my teeth became clenched) you could make a little note on your chart that I'll be to the left"

"Let me tell you why you are here.." she starts to say

This was my breaking point...

"Ma'am, I know very well why I am here...and when the Dr calls for me....I'll be sitting on the left."

Dude

She's lucky I don't pack heat.

Push

   To say that January took me unawares would be an understatement. The month started off with a two day retreat for the hunky and a full bedroom makeover for me, followed by re-starting all programs and activities, running the missions cafe at church, planning/organizing/ decorating/ partnering a three day youth event, school, co-op, meetings, surgery and the ins and outs of daily life and parenting. It started well, and then roughly three non-stop weeks later, everything in me cried "Uncle" ( hunky's part of the story is that it cried meaner things than "uncle" and that those mean things were directed at him, but that's just his side of it.)

   Ironically, this happened in the midst of my quest to redefine sabbath. By redefine, I apparently mean ignore completely since that is exactly what I have done this month, greatly to my detriment. Fortunately for me, even when I am crying "uncle" (or whatever other interpretations people may take from that), Hunky knows what I need, and he never fails to pull the strings to make it happen. Thursday and Friday became a little mini-holiday. No work, no school. We went to the movies as a family, hung out, played Mario Kart. Friday the girls spent the night with a friend and Hunky and I had a delightful date night which was financed almost entirely by the generous gifts of friends and family. It was wonderful to step back from the crush and press of real life and get reaquainted again.

  Now comes the tricksey part. This week will be little different from weeks prior where the needs, responsibilities and duties will threaten to buffet us about until we once again lose our bearing and our focus. My job, is to cut through the chaos that pushes in from all sides and find the calm balance to which we can all return. Less scramble, more silliness. Less responsibility, more relaxation. Less push, more peace.

Scattered

 I have a lot going on.  January kind of rushed at me this year, and I wasn't enitirely ready to take it on. I have managed to stay mostly on top of things, but only by juggling, force of will, and occasional sleep deprivation (something I paid for this weekend when I well and truly hit the wall). This Friday will be our first truly obligation free day since the year started, and I am feeling like I have a million arms flung out in all directions, none of them with any clue what the other is doing. 

I need to stop and take stock of where I am and what I am doing.... I think I will start today.

Wordless Wednesday 1/14

Uncertain

Embrace relational uncertainty. It's called romance. Embrace spiritual uncertainty. It's called mystery. Embrace occupational uncertainty. It's called destiny. Embrace emotional uncertainty. It's called joy. Embrace intellectual uncertainty. It's called revelation.

                                                                                          ~Mark Batterson

Reframe

I made something this weekend, and I have to confess, I am inordinately proud of it. I am also equally mystified by it. Each time I look at this...this thing I created, I marvel at how it could possibly have come from me. Like so many things over the last twelve months, this is not the way I envisioned things.

 A year ago, I made a break with all my church responsibilities, there were many factors involved. What it boils down to is that God had a something to teach me, or wanted to begin teaching me. This learning process with God and I evolves daily, sometimes second by second. We had a new road to travel, and taking me out of everything was the way we were going to travel this one. 

In the way of most new and unfamiliar things, I balked. This was not something I wanted. It seemed forced upon me and all the ways of it were sharply pointed and desperately uncomfortable. For all of my adult life, the path of worship to my Lord was familiar and easily traveled. There was beauty and power in it, and it was so easy to become lost in the process, because I knew each time where and how to find my God. It was the thing that defined me, that defined who I was in Christ, how I spoke most fluently and in which I was most deeply reached. 

Unfortunately God is not one to be most concerned for our comfort, what He wants is our devotion, our unswerving attention in all things, and on paths with which one is familiar, it is easy to become distracted. So He began to teach me new ways. Where before music and song were the ways to find God easily, now I must work and search and seek and discover. Instead of creating melody with my voice, I found God in a small community of individuals committed to studying His Word together week after week until the weeks grew into years. Instead of lights and fog, God came in dressed as the surly, the popular, the disinterested, the eager, the hurting, the hopeful faces of young ladies and men just beginning the journey out of childhood and into that nebulous and scary territory called adolescence. Instead of rehearsals there were small groups. Instead of a song, a name tag and a cheerful greeting. Instead of comfortable distance there was the crushed closeness of bodies so closely pressed together that imperfections jumbled up and became one indistinguishable tangle of redeemable humanity.

After hours crawling about on the garage floor this weekend I realized that a year ago, I would never have thought that beauty and worship would be found in paint smudges and whispered prayers that what I blindly hoped for would somehow turn out acceptable. Instead as God guided each stroke and breathed inspiration into every line, I realized that again I was singing a song of worship. Somehow the tangled tendrils that I sent out in what seemed every direction, anchored in the One who most wants me to attain the prize, and drew me to Him to grow straight and true regardless of my reluctance and seeming inability.  What was effortless for me was replaced with that which was hard fought, and only won in brokenness. A new way of living, a new way of worship, a new way to seek and discover the endless depths of Him for whom I hunger and thirst. I am the better for it. I wouldn't change a thing.

Why do I do it?

I think I've been avoiding writing this post, and I am not sure why. Perhaps because when I come to the end I'll feel less important than when I started.  In the end though, who couldn't do with a dose of humility, eh? So onward I go. The Blog Improvement Project challenged participants this week to explore why we blog and to set some concrete goals for our blog. I spent some time thinking about the first one because as the hunky preached today, you can't move forward unless you know where you are. It ought to be an easy question. However, every angle I used in looking at my blog rendered the same assessment. My blogging is a completely selfish endeavor. I do not aspire to make the world better throught it, I seek only to improve myself. I do not desire debate or lengthy discourse, I seek only to explore my own thoughts. I do not engage in politics, intellectual advancement, or social agenda, I seek only to better understand for myself the why and how of the mechanics of these agents as they drive my own choices. In short, I blog about myself, to better understand myself, for the benefit of only myself. Perhaps I should feel badly about this, and in truth, it did bother me somewhat until I realized that it is perfectly acceptable to use the blogging forum in this way, as long as I don't presume to be more than what I am: one person, in a sea of people, seeking and sharing life experience as a testimony to the greatness of grace and the possibility of becoming something more. That is all that I am, the entirity of my experience, and that has been, and will continue to be the foundation of what I do here. Eventually it may be that a change is called for, but for now I will be content to work out the many mental meanderings on which I venture here, and those who wish to meander awhile with me are welcome.

Now that we have settled that little question, it is time to determine clear goals that would help me improve my blog:

*More consistent posting (I'm improving, admit it) at least 5 posts a week--  not including lists or memes. Last week seemed to be all lists and memes. Must be more deliberate in my writing, even if it means more than one post a day.

* More variety of content. I'd really like to write more about home schooling expecially.

* More pictures

*more creative entries- poetry, prose, free verse...I need to stretch myself more.

* leave more comments on others' blogs (at least 4 comments daily around  the blogosphere)

I'd say those are fairly concrete and will keep me on track with what I see as my niche for now. 

Friday Felicities 2009 #1

I truly planned to do a long in-depth post about the purpose of my blog for the Blog Improvement Project  or detailing the progress of my week, or regaling you with stories about Sea World (complete with pictures). But instead I worked on yet more projects around the house to make my life simpler and create more time (I'm ready to schedule free time next week. Stay tuned for that). All in all, it was a very good. productive worthwhile day...and so, Felicities:

*I am so grateful to have so many tools at my fingertips. The things that must be done can be handled quickly and efficiently.

*For my cheerleader, Stacey.  She loves a listy and never fails to cheer for mine.

*Coolio arm warmers. They deserve a pic. They are PREEEBEEEEE!

*My new phone. I love it. I love it. I love it. Have I mentioned I love it? (whispers: love it)

*For a hunky who knows the things that make me happy like cool phones and steam carpet cleaners.

*Crisp nights lit by a gorgeous full moon and a billion stars 

*Getting back on schedule and creating a routine

*The prvilege of home schooling in light of a local educational crisis

*universe stopping prayers

*New Year's Blogs - what a huge glut of great information. I'm starring every other post in google reader.

That's good for today. I could keep going, but my contacts are like sandpaper and I want to get under my covers. 

99 questions pt 2

51.Am I kind to myself? more often than not

52.Am I kind to others? more often than I used to be (this is something I am working on)

53.Do I take things for granted? Absolutely, though I try not to 

54.Am I doing what matters most right now? YES!

55.Is there an area in my life that needs more attention? Yes, creative time

56.Do I make the best use of my time? Not even halfway

57.What can I do right now that would make the biggest difference in my life? 

Be more deliberate

58.What am I avoiding? taking control of weight and exercise

59.What am I tolerating/putting up with? my own procrastination, less than my best, poor habits that are easier to live with than change

60.Do I have specific, measurable goals with clear deadlines? 

no, but I am working on being more consistent with this.

61.Do I keep the promises I make to myself? Not always

62.Do I keep the promises I make to others? Not always

63.For my life to be perfect, what would have to change? 

Honestly, I don't like this question. There is no "perfect life" and nothing I change will make my life perfect. There are things I am working to improve, bu as soon as I do, more issues will pop up. Life is a process, and perfection isn't part of this world

64.What am I most looking forward to right now? 

setting very specific goals this year and following a plan to make them happen, learning new things, doing new things

65.What activities do I perform that give me the least joy? Do they really need doing? Can I delegate or pay someone else to do them? 

I think what I least enjoy are the repetitive tasks, laundry, dishes, day to day chores. i COULD pay someone to do them, but I won't. There is no reason why I can't do them as I am here all day. I just need to get the girls to help out more and get a more efficient schedule

66.How can I simplify my life? 

Streamline my house hold activities, freeing up time for enjoyable things and spontaneous events. Better plan for events of which I am informed, get rid of excess and sentimental clutter. Spend wisely so that we don't have fiscal crises.

67.Do I see myself as a creative person? yes

68.Do I allow myself to be creative? no

69.Can I be spontaneous? yes

70.Am I too critical of myself? definitely yes

71.Am I too critical of others? sometimes

72.Do I look at problems from several different angles and perspectives? 

I CAN do this but I often have to have the other angles shown to me (and let me add that hunky is VERY good at this and very good at helping me see things differently)

73.What have I accomplished? 

I have a fantastic marriage, three amazing kids that I am responsible for raising and educating, I know what I want out of life and I am working on getting it. With God at my side, I beat the CRAP out of cancer and have shared my miracle with anyone who will listen. I found that I am very gifted at leading small groups and have put that to good use in many many ways.

74.What are the major sources of stress in my life? schedules, my expectations, church issues

75.How can I reduce stress in my life? Resolve my issues, plan better, lower expectations, allow for relaxation time

76.Do I know where my money is going? yes

77.Do I have a handle on my finances? 

hmmmmmm - if we choose to practice self control we do.

78.Do I have a financial plan for the future? Not really

79.Do I know where my time is going? yes

80.Have I created an efficient time management system for myself? No

81.What are the three biggest priorities in my life?

Aside from the obvious answer of being a Christ follower which is the foundation for everything: Supporting, loving, being friends with my husband, parenting and educating my children to the best of my abilities, relationships with others

82.Who are the most important people in the world to me? 

My husband, my children, my family and friends

83.Who loves me? Who cares for me? So many people- I am truly so very blessed

84.Are my living and work areas organized in a way that serves me well? many of them are, but those that aren't...oh, those that aren't (sigh)

85.Do I have a healthy lifestyle? not yet

86.Am I carrying any emotional baggage? some, yes.

87.Have I let go of the mistakes I’ve made in the past? yes

88.Do I give myself permission to fail? VERY grudgingly

89. Do I learn from my mistakes? yes.

  Do I always put into practice what I have learned? no.

90. Do I rebound quickly when something goes wrong? Usually, some things take time

91.Do my beliefs serve me well? Are my beliefs meant to serve me? I don't think so.

92. Do I need to relax the rules I’ve set for myself and for others? yes

93. What childhood dreams have I been neglecting? Hmm, I'm not sure neglecting is the right word. There are things I simply haven't done yet. There is a season....and now is the season for raising children and being a mom, there is time enough for the rest. Childhood is so very brief.

94. Where have I been giving my power over to others? uh..yeah. Hi new age, would you like to dip in the pool of my inner light. Whatever.

95. Who are my role models? My Lord, my husband, and a lot of truly amazing friends.

96.  Am I being authentic?  most of the time yes, but there is one place where I seldom ever feel free to be just me, and that is the place I spend the second largest amount of my time..

Do I allow myself to be me? yes  Am I trying to be somebody I’m not? no

97. What if . . . ? What if I was as bold as Joshua and prayed to God to stop the universe in its very tracks and God did. it.

98. Why not . . . ? Try a little more boldness, believe the impossible, live the adventure instead of staying safely on the sidelines.

99. How can I . . . ? fail

Wordless Wednesday 1/7

Would you do it better

 if you could? Blog, I mean. I would. In fact, it's one of my goals this year...to write more, to discover more of myself through writing, to grow, and to journal the growth. I think blogging is such an interesting forum to share and receive responses. I really want to do more with it, and to remember more with it, and to experience more through it.

So I am signing up for the Blog Improvement Challenge, She has already given the first assignment which I hope to work on tomorrow. 

Twilight et al

There probably isn't anything to say about the Twilight series that hasn't already been said. To begin with, I was reluctant to hop on the bandwagon because I don't love a bandwagon. I also wasn't sure that 2,100 pages of teen angst was going to be something I could stomach. However, because I parent pre-teen girls, and because my mom read them (seriously, what happened there?) and gave them all to me for free, I felt that I could at least give them a try.  

I'll be the first to say that vampire fiction isn't for everyone. It has a little sub-genre all it's own and those who don't like it scoff at it, and those who do like it, love it. I fall in the second category, calling it "my dirty little secret.  The Twilight series truly is classic vampire fiction: sensual, larger than life, more than a little willing suspension of disbelief required and just plain fun to read.  I wasn't totally hooked after the first (which was definitely heavy on the teen angst), but after that, I was sold all the way.  There is something compelling about the idea of beings who are more than they appear because they make conscious decisions to rise above the norm. There were enough twists to keep me surprised, enough humor to lighten the dark areas, and a modern day Katherine and Heathcliff that I enjoyed watching grow into themselves and into their relationship. Brain Candy? Maybe so, but if we can't read books to escape sometimes, then why read books at all?

From a parenting perspective (my girls are 11, 10 and 8) I do not deem this book early teen appropriate for my family. It is sexually charged though not what I would call sexually graphic (more so in the last book than any other), which is not something I feel my children are mature enough to handle. There are many other good messages in the book, loyalty, love and respect of parents, chastity even, but the lure of vampires is a seductive one and one that I feel is better handled by a more mature reader. As always, selections that parents make for their children are absolutely subjective and not something I would want to debate.

99 Questions Pt 1

I realize that this is exactly the kind of post that I skim and walk away from mostly unread. However, I ran across these questions towards the end of the Year at the Abundance Blog. I found them intriguing. Yes, there really are 99 of them. Today you get the first 50

1.What do I want? 

Balance. I want to feel a balance between work and play. I want to not always feel rushed and crammed and behind. I want to be planned and organized enough to allow spontaneity without everything falling apart. I want to work and play and enjoy both equally without feeling like I am shortchanging 

the other.

2. What am I grateful for? 

Everything. Each day, my home, my wonderful hunky hubby, my beautiful children, the fact that I am here with them every single day teaching and learning together. For Disciple classes, my friends, the people who love me enough to be sometimes brutally honest.

3. What’s missing in my life? 

Balance and joy. I catch both like glimpses and sometimes I hang on to them for a little bit, but they always get away from me and I end up scrambling again

4. Do I see the whole world anew each day?    yes

5.Do I take the time to really listen to what others say? 

I think many times I do, but I won't say that I don't sometimes get caught up in my own agenda as well. This year I have tried to make a concentrated effort to think before speaking and to consider what others are saying before responding.

6.Do I have fun?  Not as much as I would like to

7.How can I bring more joy into my life? 

Be more focused, simplify, make time for joy, stop being such a perfectionist

8.What do I want more of in my life? 

Love, belly laughs, adventure

9.What do I want less of in my life? 

chores, wasted time, repeating myself, redoing what was done imperfectly the first time

10. Am I on the look out for opportunities? 

Sometimes - I think I am learning to be better

11.Do I seize opportunities? 

Sometimes yes, sometimes I am able to recognize a good opportunity isn't the best opportunity FOR ME, sometimes I seize them and then fail to follow through. The last one is the one I am working on the hardest.

12.Am I open-minded? Am I flexible? 

Open minded--not often, flexible--yes

13.Am I quick to judge others? 

I can be in many situations. I think I am much quicker to judge Christians than pre-believers, for whatever that is worth.

14.Do I take calculated risks?  yes

15.Do I give others sincere compliments? 

This I think I do rather well. I enjoy giving compliments.

16.Do I appreciate what others do for me? 

Very much, unfortunately I often fail at letting them know that. Another thing to work on.

17.Where do I want to go? 

Everywhere. And also to the beach more.

18.Who do I want to meet? 

All my friends from around the world.

19.What adventures do I want to go on?

I'd like to visit a lot more of the continental United States, scuba dive again, do some hiking and outdoors type things, learn to live more self sufficiently

20.Do I care too much about what others think of me? 

In most areas I don't, but somethings about my image are very important to me. Too much so.

21.Do I take offense too easily? 

Not generally, but once I have taken offense I tend to be more easily hurt again.

22.What makes me happy? 

good conversation, quality time, time alone, going on walks, a glass of wine, playing with my children, good books, studying and learning, writing, creating

23.Do I procrastinate?   Yes, but I am improving

24.Do I stand up for myself?   Yes

25.Do I hold grudges?   Yes

26.Do I constantly dwell on the past?   No

27.Do I let other people’s negativity affect me? 

Yes. As the first born child of an alcoholic, I am a fixer. When things around me are bad, attitudes or circumstances, I go into fix it mode.

28.Do I forgive myself?  Yes

29.Do I smile often?  Most days, but I would like to smile more

30.Do I laugh often?   Yes, but I would like to do it with my children more

31.Do I surround myself with positive, life-affirming people who want the best for me? 

I try to, some relationships are not avoidable and serve to sharpen us if we don't simply jettison them.

32.Am I a positive, life-affirming person? 

I can be, but when I choose to see only the negative, I can be very negative.

33.Am I giving enough time to nurturing/replenishing myself?  no

34.What is my secret ambition? 

To write a book and to take an art class

35.What do I want to be remembered for at the end of my life? 

That I loved a lot of people very deeply

36.What does success mean to me? 

A happy husband and well rounded children

37.How can I add value to the life of others? 

by meeting them where they are and encouraging them to be more.

38.How can I serve? 

the local home school community, co-op, teaching, supporting Craig

39.What can I do better than anyone else?

Honest answer, nothing I can think of. I do many, many things well. Some things very well, but nothing better than ANYONE else. I think it's ok to realize that and be fine with it.

40.What are my top three strengths? 

Caring for my family, building small group relationships, faithfulness. 

41.Am I moving in the direction of my dreams? 

I think so...at least for now.

42.Do I tell others what I really want? 

Yes, if they have the ability to affect my life in that direction. I don't play coy games with people and I am not afraid to be honest, but I also don't believe in spewing everything, everywhere all the time.

43.What does my ideal day look like? 

sleeping until I wake up, which is never late. Having coffee waiting. A leisurely morning followed by spending time at the beach, the kids don't fight and I don't have to cook and all the dishes magically do themselves. After a long day at the beach home to relax and maybe have some wine. What appeals to me about this day is that I don't feel rushed or obligated, and I don't have to do the mundane chores.

44.Where do I want to be a year from now? Five years from now? Ten years from now? Twenty years from now?

Can I be honest? I hate this question. HATE IT! My life has never EVER even gone remotely as I planned it, not in a disappointing way, in an exciting way. I have learned not to put a time table on God and His work and to be flexible to accept pretty much anything. I don't make long term plans like this-- it's just not how I function. I have NO IDEA where I will be 5 years from now...I'm ok with that.

45.What does my ideal living environment look like? colorful, organized, light-filled, warm, functional

46.What would I do if I had no fear? evangelize more

47.What would I do if money were not an object? Travel EVERYWHERE

48.What excuses am I making? 

I'm too busy, too fat, not smart enough, not talented enough, no time...

49.Do I enjoy what I do on a daily basis? 

Yes I do. Let me break that down a bit... I do not always love dishes and laundry and mopping and sweeping, but I know that what I am doing right now is the. most. important thing. It is what I have always wanted to do and I am not going to regret the choice I made to be home with and raise and educate my children myself. 

50.Am I on the right path?  yes

At the End of the Day

At the end of the day when everyone around be sleeps and the soft suserration of the fan blends in with the sounds of breathing and distant traffic and rustling leaves. Where only the owls calling interrupt my streaming thoughts, and even they but gently.

This is the time when I sift through the day and search through the treasures. When convention and my heavy eyelids tell me that I should be sleeping too, and yet I am reluctant to give up these few reclusive hours of solitude, the re-energizing joy of simply being, only me, with only myself to consider.

Perhaps there is much to be said of retiring early in order to fit more work into my day. Of early rising and sunrises and the accomplishment of filling the morning with constructive activity. But nighttime is the time for peaceful reflection, warm blankets and the relaxation of dim lights and soft noises. 

As for me, at the end of the day, it is enough to know that tomorrow, I start new again.

I can't believe I read the whole thing - Chunkster Challenge 2009

HERE IT IS! As promised! The Chunkster Challenge 2009 Edition! (This post is also at the chunky book blog, be sure to go there for Mr. Linky and buttons)

There have been a few changes to the rules so please read closely:

*A chunkster is 450 pages or more of ADULT literature (fiction or nonfiction) Don't complain folks, I read all thousands of pages of the Twilight series and they were good, but not a challenge. A chunkster should be a challenge. 

*If you read large type books your book will need to be 525 pages or more I asked around and  the average LT book is 10-15% longer or more so I think that was a fair estimate.

*No Audio books in the chunkster. It just doesn't seem right. Words on paper for this one folks.

* You may start any time after signing up. You must complete your reads before or on Nov 15th.

*Short Stories and Essay collections will not be counted. 

*Books may crossover with other challenges (see option 4 for a collaborative effort with TBR challenge)

*Only option 4 requires that you make a set list of books to complete the challenge

Those are the basics. Here are your options:

*The Chubby Chunkster - this option is for the reader who has a large tome or two to read, but really doesn't want to commit to more than that. 2 books is all you need to finish this challenge. 

*Do These Books Make my Butt Look Big? - this option is for the slightly heavier reader who wants to commit to 3-5 Chunksters over the next ten months.

*Mor-book-ly Obese - This is for the truly out of control chunkster. For this level of challenge you must commit to 6 or more chunksters OR three tomes of 750 pages or more. You know you want to.....go on and give in to your cravings.

 

And lastly, in an intriguing collaboration with the wildly popular Miz B of the TBR Challenge we have:

*To Big To Ignore Anymore - this option is for those chunksters on your TBR list. You may select any number of books over 450 pages but you must LIST THEM to complete the challenge and they must be on your TBR list as well (honor code folk, I don't have time to be the challenge police)

That ought to be enough to get us started. Remember, sign up at the Official Chunky Blog designed to satisfy even the heaviest of readers.

Something Heavenly Pt 2

Many of you commented on wanting to hear the lyrics to the song I posted yesterday:

Something Heavenly

This weekend offered us a rather full dose of reality again, and I was not nearly as ready for it as I would like to have been. One of the things I am seeking this year is to not have that "Scrambling" feeling that seems to haunt me so often. Honestly, it isn't as though I have an overwhelming work load. I have pared back and prioritized, and I wouldn't say that any part of our schedule is terribly overloaded, and Craig and I have coordinated so that our nights out are the same nights, maximizing family time. I simply need a more set rhythm to follow so that everything has a time and place without me constantly fitting together life like a jigsaw.

God also jumped right into the New Year making me face a lot of issues that I really managed to run from, or at least hide from, for the most part last year. However, I knew that I was going to have to face them, sort them, let them rest and allow God to work restoration this year, and He simply wasted no time. I am being called back into community and honestly, right now, I am kicking and screaming. But yet again, Hunky is right when he tells me that we sometimes have to act in obedience until our heart changes to desire obedience. As much as I would rather love God all alone in a cave, that isn't an option. God has given me enough time to recover and now I have to live it.  Which rather cements the song that will fit my theme for the year (if you know me, you'll know that my themes seldom come without a song)

Whatever You're Doing (Something Heavenly)

It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
All I can do is surrender

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Revaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow your will
or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is you want from me
I give everything I surrender...
To...

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something heavenly

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to to release all my held back tears

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly
Something heavenly

It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time breathe in and let everything out

A-Z Challenge

The A-Z Challenge is hosted by Becky at the A-Z challenge blog

She offers several options and I am going to attempt option C which is to read Titles from A-z and Authors from A-z for a total of 52 books. I will be keeping track of my reading on this post which will be linked in my sidebar. Happy Reading!

Mega Memory Month - January

Ann Kroeker started Mega Memory Month (henceforth known as MMM) last year, but I didn't hop on at the time. Since one of my aspirations is to memorizze scripture this year, I couldn't help but try my hand at it. 

My theme verse for this year is Jeremiah 17: 7-8, but the whole verse is certainly something to be applied to my life so for the month, I am going to learn the entire chapter of Jeremiah 17

Also, I hadn't considered this so I am copying the idea, I am going to memorize a poem for the month (who knows, maybe I will do it every month...poetry is easy) So for January I am going to learn I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud by William Wordsworth

"I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud"

I wandered lonely as a cloud That floats on high o'er vales and hills, When all at once I saw a crowd, A host, of golden daffodils; Beside the lake, beneath the trees, Fluttering and dancing in the breeze. Continuous as the stars that shine And twinkle on the milky way, They stretched in never-ending line Along the margin of a bay: Ten thousand saw I at a glance, Tossing their heads in sprightly dance. The waves beside them danced; but they Out-did the sparkling waves in glee: A poet could not but be gay, In such a jocund company: I gazed---and gazed---but little thought What wealth the show to me had brought: For oft, when on my couch I lie In vacant or in pensive mood, They flash upon that inward eye Which is the bliss of solitude; And then my heart with pleasure fills, And dances with the daffodils.  William Wordsworth

Aspirations: Getting Started

Sometimes it's the getting started that bogs me down. Mark Batterson blogged about New Year's plans a few days back, and I really liked his categories. So I am stealing them, which I think would make him happy.

He says:  I think it helpful to think in these five categories: spiritual, relational, intellectual, emotional and physical.

So without further ado: the bare bones. Each week these will be assessed and expounded upon.

Spiritual: Read the Chronological study Bible completely this year. Continue studying and reading for Disciple, lead an 8 week course this summer to continue my study accountability. Study and practice various spiritual disciplines. Memorize 100 verses/ passages from Scripture. Deepen my prayer life.

Relational: Be more deliberate maintaining contact with family. More snail mail going out. More planned fun activities with my family. Restore and move forward with damaged relationships.

Intellectual: Read more informational; non-fiction books; learn 6 new skills; write more; garden; budgeting and self-sustaining living skills

Emotional: more creative and relaxation time; prioritize schedules; purge and simplify

Physical: healthier weight and BMI, toning and weight lifting, exercise 

It's hard to know what to say on the very first day of the New Year. One wants to start with trumpets blaring and resounding statements, but that isn't how the day went and so at the end of it, I have nothing resounding to report. 

Hunky Hubby left early in the morning (was in fact gone when I awakened) for a two day retreat with his associate pastor. All reports from that end have been extremely good. Much is being accomplished, plans, creative ideas, goals, agendas, schedules are all being set and I admit to being a little envious that a full 48 hours is being devoted to the things that I also want to set in my life, in very different ways. I also remembered that I don't like sleeping alone. It's been awhile.

As for me, I took on a rather major project which I cannot reveal (and which I am kind of hoping hunky won't read about here before he gets home.) It is something that I have been wanting to do for quite some time. I am both excited and pleased to kick of the New Year with something that I am going enjoy for years to come and which will hopefully help me feel calmer, comfortable and a little bit saner at the end of the day.

Having worked hard on said project all day I am too tired to further expound on my plans for the year. I'm rather easing in to life in 2009. We won't be on regular schedule until Monday, and it's a bit of an odd week with scheduling so we will be starting with what I call "school light" meaning we hit the basics but don't do a lot of extra projects until we get settled back into our routine. I think in my mind that I am ready for real life to start, but when it gets here, I am going to miss the more gentle time of enjoyment and reflection. Though I suppose it's true, if I had it all the time I wouldn't appreciate it nearly as much.