Fall Refocus

 So my friend, Cheri, has issued a sort of challenge. Maybe not so much a challenge as an encouragement to keep us sane through our holidays. So, I decided a few things to focus on as we race into 2010 (and wonder how that can even be remotely possible). Overall, I am thinking of this refocus in terms of relationships. God is really talking to me about that right now so that feels right, but as usual, I am thinking of them a bit differently:

*Plan lots of fun things with my family: improving  family relationships
*Work on streamlining my mornings (I have been LAAAAAZZYYYY lately): improving my relationship with my day
*More exercise (my pants are TOO BIG!!!!!): improving my relationship with my esteem
*Prayer journaling: improving my relationship with God
*MORE READING (seriously-I am so not doing ANY reading right now): improving my relationship with my brain
*Personal relationship: well do I really have to spell that one out? I've got a loves all over the globe and wonderful new friends and family right here at home. They need my attention too.

Monday Morning Thoughts

*Goodbyes are always sad. But parting and letting go is always part of new things. I do love new things.
*The best relationships are those in which we invest the most time.
*I would rather live uncomfortable and freed by truth than comfortably and in bondage to a lie.
*Monday morning always challenges me to take scope of the whole week, which can be overwhelming, and break it down into doable tasks and then trust that God will help me make time to get it all done.
*The holidays are barreling down on us faster than I am able to comprehend.
*I struggle to find the balance between wanting every day to be special for my kids and doing so many special things that the special becomes mundane.
*My girls will be sad when their science class ends for the term.
*Baldwin county takes a week of for Thanksgiving, and I am considering doing the same.
*These means only two weeks of school left before we start our holiday studies.
*eeep!
*I am doing hardly any recreational reading lately..what's up with that?
*We have a full social agenda this week. I am looking forward to it.

Thirteen things I am SO EXCITED about (which means there will be blogs)

1. GUESTS THIS WEEKEND!!!!!
2. Cooler and cooler delicious weather
3. Participating with the Worship team!!!!
4. Pilgrim studies
5. Advent
6. Menu planning
7. feeling at home--getting to know new friends better
8. decorating for CHRISTMAS!!!
9. Christmas shopping and making
10. Birthday girls getting special days soon!
11. actually exercising (sort of--I'm talking myself up)
12. New holiday plans and traditions
13. DID I MENTION WE ARE HAVING GUESTS THIS WEEKEND?!?!?!

Wordless Wednesday 11/04

My creation

a few things that made up my wednesday this week

So..Now what?

Do you ever sometimes start something and then think, well that's good...now what? That's kind of where I am with blogging right now. Part of undergoing any form of massive upheaval causes you to dig in and try to create order out of chaos. For me, the involves some pretty mundane things: regular homeschooling, house work, learning how to find the post office without having to use the GPS, figuring out what's for dinner when you suddenly realize that there is not, in fact, any chicken in your freezer. These are the things that make really difficult things manageable. While we work diligently on the small things, we free God to handle the rest, and He does. Suddenly we look up and find that He has done a better job than we ever could have on our own.

That's where I am now. Most days I concern myself only with what that day holds. It's nice really, freeing, but not terribly riveting as blog material. And so I ask myself, here I am at my blog, now what?

I think what I am doing here now, is rediscovering my voice. For awhile, everything was a defensive reflex. Every word was guarded and weighed, every response delayed as I determined if it was the one least likely to  cause more pain. But these things are not like me. They never have been, and yet, they hold a talismanic quality as though keeping them and caring for them could yet protect me.

So you'll excuse me if my nablopomo entries seem a bit repetitive or mundane. This is me working my way back to familiarity and confidence. There aren't a lot of fireworks on the journey.

The Course of a Year

It's that time of year again..time to listen. Time to wait and expect and anticipate, because I know, I KNOW God has something to tell me. I know it seems a silly thing..this expectation, and maybe it isn't easily believable that every year for some five or six years now God has given me a theme. Maybe it's a warning, or a preparation, or a gentle hug to help me step into the new year with so many days unwritten filling it.
My theme for this year was Deepening, and it came from these verses:
But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.  It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."
Jeremiah 17:7-8
Maybe it's good that these verses sounded so restful at the outset, since my year has been, well....a doozy.
In January Hunky had surgery--the resulting infection hounded us until late March. It was a scary time.
In March and April we went on back to back mission trips to Az, once just us, once with a team of amazing teams
In May my Grandmother entered the hospital, was diagnosed with breast cancer and died the next day, before I could get there.
I returned from her funeral to catastrophic flooding, we eventually evacuated the house and only by the grace of God did we not sustain any water damage, one of 5 houses on the block. Water lapped at all the doors and was as much as hip deep at the foot of the driveway.
The summer went as most summers do, with Hunky being gone most of the time, various illnesses plagued us, leaving for vacation was never so welcome.
In August, on the way home from vacation, the car broke down. It took forever to figure out why, and what and how to fix it. I missed home desperately and had reached the end of my rope.
Two weeks later, home ceased to be home. We lost our job, home, friends, support and plans for the future -- POOF! Goodbye.
We moved to a new place 300 miles away. I knew TWO people outside of my family.

And here we are.
Better, stronger, more joyful, more hopeful, more filled than I can ever remember. So expectant of what is to come. SO BLESSED. In losing seemingly everything, we have gained an abundance of blessing that still defies my every imagining. A year of drought--you bet. I can hardly wait to see the fruit.

I am ready for next year's theme....and I am not afraid (much)

New Perspectives

My desire was to write something momentous and life changing to really kick off these new digs. Several months ago, I changed blog locations, feeling a need for privacy in a time of crisis. In the end I needn't have bothered as somethings can be written about and dissected every day for the rest of my life and still make no sense. The few things written between August and now are marker enough for a time that was both bleak and miraculous.
Instead as I sat here and pondered the depth and breadth of the wonder that is this process of living day to day, I found it fitting to post my new perspective. Each day I wake up, and wander out onto my incredible back deck, and drink in this amazing vista. It is a feast for my soul, a stream of living water across a parched landscape that has thirsted for so long.
What I consider as I look out each day is that focusing on what is gone, is time lost. I can't get back what was  taken, nor should I want this since where I am is exactly where God planned for me to be. Looking ahead too far is also foolishness, since we never know what the next day will bring. But right here, in this moment and where I stand is incredible beauty waiting for me to rejoice in it. Because God knows I need an extra hint or two, He wrote it in blazing glory all around me. I would be (and have been) a blind fool to miss the message that He is here. He is the God of right now, and that this moment demands my reflection and honor. Every day, every morning, every hour, every present moment.

When everything around me becomes uncertain, He is the God who does not change. It is good to be here, now. These are the deepening years.