I went toe to toe with an old acquaintance today. He is the demon who haunts me. His name is Not Good Enough. Most days now I can quiet his shoutings to a whisper. Some days I can even make him disappear. But he sneaks back in through the cracks and chinks. His voice is soft and sibilant, and it accuses me in the guise of specters from my past.
Not Good Enough likes to remind me of many things:
Not good enough to parent
Not good enough to be a pastor's wife
Not good enough to be named
Not good enough to be remembered
Not good enough to be a friend
Not good enough to try to work things through
Not good enough
With claws that tear and fangs that gnaw and a voice that chitters ever up and down the registers of my soul.
I danced with Devil a bit today and his Demon played the tune.
Some days I'm tired, and all my efforts to fight back are Not Good Enough.