9.30.2011

Priceless

* This is a repost of a just over a year ago. It was at another location and I wanted to move it here for continuitblog I wrote y. It will be referred to in a few days when I start the 31 days project



My Florida house auctioned off for foreclosure last week - for $100. Honestly, that makes me angry for many reasons, but mostly because it feels like, all over again, something we worked really hard for had no value for anyone but us.


It's a silly feeling, I suppose, but emotions are also often silly and unpredictable and nothing if not troublesome.
I cried when I opened the letter.
So many things about what happened there still seem hard to comprehend, to make any sense.
I'm glad that I have good friends who have walked with me a long time. They remember when we bought the house, all glowing and excited about "living the dream". They reminded me that nothing is wasted. Nothing in God's economy is ever wasted.
I need to believe that I didn't throw away four or six or sixteen years of my life in that house, in that job, in that state.


It seems the price that has been put on my life lately, $100 or two month's salary, is robbery.  I really hate that.


I hate that every time I am moving forward something drags me back to this place of hurt and confusion and sorrow.
I'm so tired of crying.


So, I'm making a declaration that sometime in the next few weeks, when we gather all the mortgage papers, and the foreclosure papers and all the papers going into the bankruptcy and everything, everything that fetters me to these painful things, we are going to burn them. And it is going to be a party.


Happiness is a choice.
I'm going to choose to remember the first night we spent together in the new house.
My orange dining room walls and my green and gold bedroom
and tree frogs, black racers and bald eagles
and giant pileated woodpecker couples


I'm going to remember late nights and early mornings on the back porch
and chasing the stupid dog down the street
and my Bremen, my cancer dog who spent his last days there.


The friends who visited, and the girls nights
though they were only for a season, the laughter remains true
and coffees with my Mel Kel on my sofa.


My big sunken shower


30 second trips to Sonic and Publix
5 minutes to the library
7 minutes  to the beach


Where I was when the phone calls came about my Grandma and my Nattie


Homeschooling at the "Math Table"


Birthdays and Thanksgivings and the reception after Gramps' viewing.


So much life is lived in a house in four short years. So much laughter, so much to remember fondly.


That's what I choose.
You can keep your $100....One day's worth of memories is worth more than the world has to offer.

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