I'm putting myself on a time limit writing this blog for two reasons: first, I have been known to stand around and dither about a blog for a very long period of time without ever actually typing anything and second because if I don't give myself a time limit I will stand here dithering about only to walk away in a bit never having said anything at all. Why? Because some moods are like that.
I've been feeling that I am at an inbetween place in my life this past week. That may be right or wrong; it's hard to tell when weeks have been as off kilter as this one has. None-the-less, I do feel that maybe God is testing to see if this year's theme has really sunk in before we move on to the next. The funny thing about themes is that they never entirely resolve. They simply build each one on the next, layer upon layer of building me, changing me, replacing stone with flesh. It's not unusual for the end of a year to begin to bleed into the next year's theme. It's also not comfortable as it stretches me. It pulls my faith higher and deeper. It makes me have to face things I think I don't have the strength to face.
In short, I don't like it.
When I don't like things I tend to close down and withdraw, and while I don't believe that all things need to be vomited out into social media, I also am tired of closing all the blinds and locking the doors pretending the big bad boogey man isn't standing outside waiting to devour.
Here's the truth: He is. He's standing there waiting to kill steal and destroy and he's not afraid of shutters or locks.
This is where I have to make sure that I focus on the right thing. Am I focused on the very real evil that awaits right outside, or do I focus on the very real power that already dwells within? My head knows that there is nothing left for me to fear, but does my heart beat with it? Do I breathe the truth of it in and out as air? Do I embrace it, live it, share it and show it even while evil jumps and growls and bites and slathers outside, and sometimes inside my doors? Do I?
I want to. I'm trying to.
It's the end of year of Character...has mine been refined? Am I different than I was last January 1? I think I am. I guess now is the time to let life be breathed into the heart knowledge of that Truth instead of simply marking in my head that another calendar year has gone by.