Oh, The weather outside is frightful

Ok so it's not really frightful but it is fractious.  All day long sunny! dreary! windy! rainy! No, not rainy! SUNNY! oops hazy...cloudy! Sunny! Crisp! Warm! no Cool!  And with it my mood goes from energetic to sleepy to chilly to lazy to...well you get the picture. My brain has bounced maniacally while I forced my body into monk-like slowness and focus (because rushed and scattered has been my middle name lately and I am oh-so-tired of that).  One moment my heart is crushed and all the air squeezed out of my lungs and the next I am laughing hysterically over clever play on words with Pi and Pie.

Last night I waltzed blithely into the men's room....at church.

I grapple with survivor guilt and wonder what it would be like to suddenly live in Canada.

It's been too long since I just sat and watched the sun as it climbs the sky over the lake only to sink into it again on the other side. My body is tired from days of running and going and purging and doing. My mind is tired from planning and sorting and strategizing. My heart is tired from carrying the heaviness of those it loves well and deeply.  Ah... but tomorrow.

Tomorrow is Sabbath. It's the day when God will remind me again that He is in control. The world turns, the sun rises and sets,  and I have no need to lift a finger and still what will be will be.  I'll ponder the imponderables and when night comes, they will still be here with no fewer answers...but God...  I'll ask for vision and revelation which I may or may not receive, or understand, or like...still God... I'll snuggle the Hunky until the sun is up and beyond, drink hot chocolate, remark on beauty and laugh with my children... because God...

In the end it will all come down to God. It always does.  

I, the Lord, do not change.

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