It's been almost a week since I broke my three week Daniel Fast. I find myself thinking quite a bit about food. When I had been fasting for nearly a week I had some pretty convicting thoughts. Beginning with considering the way we, as images of God, are triune in nature: body, mind, soul (Spirit ) and that what we feed our bodies will impact us in our totality, not simply the physical self. It's no wonder we were told to consider our bodies as temples - what our eyes see our thoughts will dwell on, what our ear hears can can wound or build up the spirit and what we eat can strengthen or weaken our ability to be effective for the Kingdom. Yes, it's been bothering me ever since as I think on it and consider the implications. What's more, I came to very sobering realization that I have been feeding my body for my entire life, and that it may have been almost literally starving for the things it truly needs. Spiritual application much? Goodness.
Since Monday I have enjoyed nothing more than the daily morning cuppa (or afternoon cuppa which I am enjoying currently). Tea ran a close second. Eggs...mmmm. I have had a little bread...ooohh and I made homemade calzones that were exquisite, if I do say so myself. However, overall, not much has changed. My body's extreme reaction to the removal of sugar was a real eye opener. I am still keeping my sugar intake quite low, trying for less than 10g daily. Also I am trying to maintain a whole food approach to eating. This means that there are many things that still just don't make the cut. Many things that I enjoy for a time, but I am realizing that the long term damage does not, in fact, outweigh the short term pleasure (Again, spiritual application, much?).
But even more than these things is a sneaky (and occasionally sinking) sensation that I am being called deeper into fasting and prayer. I have fasted before, on occasion, but never for very long, and never with a great deal of success, which I now realize was my body reacting, somewhat violently, to being deprived of its "crap fix." The physical addiction to junk was literally screaming far louder than anything the Spirit was trying to say to me. If I am correct, I need to not be weighed down by this physical weights at any time. If I am being called for a purpose than my body is not my own to dump whichever toxins I choose into it. All things are permissable but not all things are beneficial. It's going to be an interesting few weeks as I explore what God may have for me in the future.
3.11.2011
In Which I Take Heart
I don't know that there is ever time that I would say being in ministry is easy. It can be rewarding, joyful, exciting, frustrating, excruciating, amazing, awesome...I could go on...but easy is never a word I pull out to describe our lives.
Lately, however, ministry has simply felt heavy.
Marriages are failing
Lives are falling apart
People are falling away
Unity is not found
Selfishness, self sufficiency and self worship abound
The lost are not reached
The Church is not known by its love
My list of prayers grows daily, and kingdom prayers aren't always ones that are easily answered or that will ever come to end. This world is dying, unwinding. The Solution has yet to break through the curtains of Heaven on His white horse and so the earth shakes and the seas roar and the slavery count rises and I wonder if anything I pray or think or say makes any difference at all.
There is only one answer: to ignore all the things I see that would seem to contradict victory, and lean in hard, hard to the One who is Truth.
I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]! For I have overcome the world. [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you.] ~ John 16:33 (Amplified)
Lately, however, ministry has simply felt heavy.
Marriages are failing
Lives are falling apart
People are falling away
Unity is not found
Selfishness, self sufficiency and self worship abound
The lost are not reached
The Church is not known by its love
My list of prayers grows daily, and kingdom prayers aren't always ones that are easily answered or that will ever come to end. This world is dying, unwinding. The Solution has yet to break through the curtains of Heaven on His white horse and so the earth shakes and the seas roar and the slavery count rises and I wonder if anything I pray or think or say makes any difference at all.
There is only one answer: to ignore all the things I see that would seem to contradict victory, and lean in hard, hard to the One who is Truth.
I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]! For I have overcome the world. [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you.] ~ John 16:33 (Amplified)
3.07.2011
In Which He is Enough
Today I break and indeed have broken (with glorious coffee and a lovely scrambled egg) my twenty-one day fast from sugar, any animal products, yeast and artificial additives otherwise called The Daniel Fast. It has been difficult, sometimes incredibly so. Immediate gratification is so pervasive within me, and no wonder when I live in a world where so much, both good and bad, lies seconds away at my fingertips. It has been freeing, a freedom I hope to maintain and hold on to by making many changes, such as most sugars and artificial ingredients, as permanent as possible (make note, I still intend to eat cake on my birthday). I honestly feel better physically than I have in a long time, and what's more my sleep is regulated (not even a hint of insomnia since I started) and weight is literally falling off. These are side benefits as they were not my area of focus, but God loves to give good gifts and these were certainly great ones to give. I would love to write a lovely and what would be very long and involved blog on the observations and insights I have gained these past three weeks, but part of the unpeeling process is continuing to work out what has begun in me. Instead I have made a list of insights in my prayer journal that I intend to pray over, meditate on and continue to practice as the year unfolds. Those I will share here, in convenient listy form.
- Sometimes - most times - food and good feeling (which I associate often with food) are my god(s).
- I equate a full belly with happiness
- I equate accommodating the cravings of my mouth with fullness
- Food is a means to control what I want, when I want it and how I want it. It makes me my own god.
- Self denial is truly a form of dying to myself
- Fasting is a physical practice of the spiritual concept of putting away temporary, earthly things which are not "bad" or "wrong" for that which is eternal and better
- Fasting is a way of reminding myself daily, hourly and moment by moment that man does not live by bread alone
- Fasting is a practical way to learn to find joy in the sacrifice in a way that is even more personal than my pocketbook
- Fasting is way to tangibly experience the war of the physical self against the Spirit
- Fasting is also a way to become physically close to the spiritual battle that goes on around me
- There are ways that God has permanently changed the way I think about food and about Him
- I am a shallow person whose joy can be eradicated by simple food choices
- I am a weak vessel whose physical self can be so affected by chemical substances
- I have a stiff neck that would rather dwell on physical emptiness than the fullness of God
- I have a proud head that believed(s) self-will can accomplish anything
- God provided strength, encouragement, companionship, laughter, tests, opportunities to break my fast (which thankfully and ONLY THROUGH GRACE did I not ), hope and the desires of my heart
- God taught me that He is my defense and I need not defend myself
- God revealed the hearts of others - their struggles, their pain and their battles as I battled
- God met me every morning as I pitifully came to him and began to lay down the foundations of a much richer prayer life - a discipline which I sorely lack
- God challenged me with tasks to be obedient even when I did not make obedience my first priority
- God revealed truths about who He is, how He works in me
- In my weakness, He is strong
- He is my portion
- He is my deliverer
- He prepares a table for me
- He invites me to the feast
- His word is sweeter than honey
- His body is my bread
- He blood is my wine
- He is my manna in the desert
- He brings me to still waters, living waters
- He breaks me in order to rebuild
- He empties me in order to refill
- He is All
- He is Enough
3.04.2011
In which I feel the need for some Quiet
It happens so quickly. Days slip through my fingers like water anymore, in doing all the "must do's" there is little time for "want to's." That is alright; it isn't a complaint by any means. It does require a bit of reframing and reforming ideas and plans and priorities. This also is alright. Since I am not truly in charge of even my time, it makes sense that I would wander down wrong paths and focus on wrong things, only to stop and realize I must turn back and start again.
One thing that has caused me to wander lately are the many many voices that speak to me daily. Voices I love and enjoy, who make me laugh, who distract me from my priorities, sometimes far too much. Lately, far too much. So, much as God has been emptying out other influences, He is asking me to quiet the voices. He's not making me. It's my option whether or not I obey, though I do believe that the option to give them up willingly will be far easier than the option He is left with should I not agree to obey.
He is speaking. For a time I must focus on only one voice..the only voice that truly matters. The one True Love. His whispers gently reclaim my focus, and they are soft and loving. They speak of promises and blessing and refining and even pain, but they are sweet to my ears. But He will not shout them; He will only whisper, and in order to hear, all others noises must be stilled; I must be stilled. As He does for the raging storm so He does for my soul. Peace...Shalom...Be still.
One thing that has caused me to wander lately are the many many voices that speak to me daily. Voices I love and enjoy, who make me laugh, who distract me from my priorities, sometimes far too much. Lately, far too much. So, much as God has been emptying out other influences, He is asking me to quiet the voices. He's not making me. It's my option whether or not I obey, though I do believe that the option to give them up willingly will be far easier than the option He is left with should I not agree to obey.
He is speaking. For a time I must focus on only one voice..the only voice that truly matters. The one True Love. His whispers gently reclaim my focus, and they are soft and loving. They speak of promises and blessing and refining and even pain, but they are sweet to my ears. But He will not shout them; He will only whisper, and in order to hear, all others noises must be stilled; I must be stilled. As He does for the raging storm so He does for my soul. Peace...Shalom...Be still.
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