According to the calendar I live by, which is slightly off from the rest of the world, it is about mid summer for us. we'll start doing fall things around the end of Sept./ Oct. including starting the fall term of school (we are mid-term, summer session now), so I technically still have 6-7 weeks of summer left, including our family vacation. I do love home schooling when it comes to sorting the calendar in ways that work for my family. We have, however, reached the end of the rough parts of summer for us, which include Hunky travel and single parenting. This year that was made so much better with a parade of special peeps and geeks that kept us laughing and awake far later than these old bones prefer. Hunky traveled less, and thanks to our amazing summer youth program, we had a weekly date night all the weeks he was home while the kids were entertained and spiritually challenged. It's been a good summer, laced through with a few threads of very hard things. But I made the comment this week that life is always going to have hard things, it's foolish to expect otherwise. So we hold on to Hope, and focus on the blessings, and thank God for every amazing one. We ask, "Why me?" for the good in our lives rather than the bad and call ourselves "lucky".
The second half of summer brings new challenges and new focus. Hunky is home now, and a summer of languishing on the health front is ending. I haven't moved backwards, but I sure haven't been moving forwards either. Tomorrow starts back the routine of discipline, exercise, careful food choices and creative meal plans. Back to running and lifting and (have mercy) crunches, crunches more crunches.
We have drifted and meandered even while doing school, and now we must buckle down to work so that we can also focus on the work of moving from one place and making another ready for us all the while not losing steam in our education (and not forgetting the fact that education comes from life as well as books).
I have read and thought and studied and pondered and drifted far from summer reading list, but not so far and not so long that there isn't still time to find my page and my place, and never entirely off the path of hearing what God wants me to hear. We are talking closely and often down the roads my heart travels, but I still intend to complete a great deal of that list, somehow, in the midst of much motion and adventure.
By this time next month I will be writing from a completely different view in a completely different home, in a newer, leaner body with more grace in my speech and more love in my heart. This at least is my plan. More flesh; less stone. The dog days of August approach, and hope abounds. New things are happening, as though it were barely spring.
7.31.2011
7.30.2011
7 Quick takes on Friday (Ed #6 - the one that happened the next day)
1.) I'm noticing a trend, I slow down blogging at the end of the month. I don't know if it's because it seems my life whirls crazier then, if I lose momentum, if I run out of things to say...or what. I'm planning to remedy that with better consistency over the next month which will take a great deal of discipline considering all that the next month holds. But the last three months I have been consistently blogging, I have captured more memories, pursued more ideas and brought more plans to fruition. So it's a win-win situation, I think, to keep writing.
2) God showed off so big time this week. We were so sad when we found out we'd be leaving this wonderful house on the wonderful lake that we love (Seriously, life on the water just feels more relaxed and I LOOOVE it). But this week, we found our new home. Four bedrooms (every kid their own room-they are ecstatic!), on the lake, three minutes from work (as opposed to the 20 minutes we are driving now), with the world's most generous and amazing land lords, and a view that is absolutely to die for. MOST IMPORTANTLY: LESS SQUARE FEET TO CLEAN! Can I get an amen! I didn't actually think we could find something better than we have now, God's cool like that.
3) Moving means purging, and I really like that about it. I like assessing the value of things. I like clearing my life of the things that just weigh me down. I like finding freedom from materials. I like becoming less and simpler. I like freedom.
4) Summer traveling is done and that means the Hunky and I are hitting a more disciplined lifestyle with eating and exercising hardcore. I mentioned an increase in discipline, yes? I have NOT been a runner this summer and I am starting to turn into the irritable, impatient person I didn't like before I was running. I want that me back. It will take work to get that me back. There is a 4 mile running loop at the new place that the re-new me is so going to love.
5) This week in ministry has been one of the hardest we've had since we've lived here. Some weeks, sometimes some months, every aspect of church business exhausts me. It drains my soul of energy and hope. It is amazing to me that something that can be so glorious and beautiful can be so selfish and hurtful all at the same time. It is hard not to personalize the attacks- because some of them are very, very personal. Sometimes lies are VERY loud. It isn't an easy place when you are asking the question: How much longer can we do this?
6) We need a washer and dryer. If you have one you can mail us, I can give you my address.
7) Ah, back to purging...I've been removing a lot of negative from my life lately. It goes back to the lies being loud thing. Some folk never seem content. Always there is something wrong, something that could be different. something that requires change. But you know, that is the case for every person on this earth. We can either actively work to create change or we can accept where we are, but I am not exposing myself to people who rail against things that cannot change or who simply cry to be heard without wanting to change circumstances. Because the flip side of that coin is a total blindness to all that is very very good in this world. It's about changing our focus to find the blessing, because there is so much blessing. We don't receive more until we recognize what we already have. I'll take that focus please.
7.25.2011
A Soft Place to Land
I was right on the cliff-edge, ready to fall,
when God grabbed and held me.
God's my strength, he's also my song,
and now he's my salvation...
I didn't die. I lived!
And now I'm telling the world what God did. (Psalm 118)
It was easy to ignore while Hunky was away, while I floated in the lake, and flipped pancakes for the pre-teen geek squad, while storms rolled in and the magic deck was filled with reminiscing and theology and hilarity. It was easy to pretend that the days weren't ticking away as quickly as they are. But today reality set in again, the Hunky went to work, and we got educated. We also bought bubble wrap, and started inventorying and emptying the too-high cabinets where nothing important is ever stored. I walked around making lists and assessing cleaning supplies.
We are moving, and I, the lover of new things, the lover of new spaces and new organization, the lover of purging and clean slates, am quite sad to see the time clearly now that I always knew would come. I have told the story of the circumstances that got us here but I don't know that I have expounded much about the actual place we have resided the last two years.
When we left Florida, we left a house we knew would likely never sell, and we knew it would financially devastate us no matter how it fell out (and it did, we declared bankruptcy a year ago this week). We knew coming up here that we wouldn't be buying a house, and since then have been quite firmly convicted that for our family, owning a home is an anchor that we are not to allow to weigh us down. This style of life has required of me a new level of faith and trust which still requires that I take deep, quieting breaths from time to time.
God, who never stops showing off for me, brought us to the most amazing home ever to regroup. He brought us to a house that would be able to sleep the literal dozens of people who would come to visit us (often all at once) in the year following our exodus, people who needed to see that we were, indeed, going to thrive in our new life. He brought us to a place that's very largeness provided the space to occupy me in the months it would take me to become accustomed to a new town, to make friends, to find my community. I was never bored or without something to occupy me. He brought us to a place that was reminiscent of many of the happiest memories of my life. He knew that in lake time moments would expand to crystalline perfection allowing deep introspection and soothing relaxation. He brought us to a place far enough out of town that we would have to rely on Him and each other rather than a million social distractions, so the fractures we experienced internally weren't allowed to spread and affect our relationships with each other. He brought us to a place with the softest springiest carpets I have ever walked on, because even the tiniest detail isn't outside His control.
But as wonderful as this place has been to us, it's time to move in closer: closer to town, closer to each other in a house with less square feet, closer in our budget in ways we can't be here. The parade of guests has slowed to an intermittent trickle. Our focus is far more forward than back. Our hearts are as whole as they are ever going to be again. The time is ripe to move us on to other purposes. I realize that once I know where we are going, the excitement of getting there will far overshadow the sorrow of leaving something I knew wasn't permanent.
However, for a few moments tonight, I will indulge in a small bit of wistful melancholy. This place, this world is not my home, but oh my, there are some lovely resting places in it aren't there? How blessed am I to have spent this much time in one?
I'm telling the world what God has done: when we needed it most, He gave us a soft place to land. Here is the place I rediscovered my heart. A good home it's been. I am grateful.
when God grabbed and held me.
God's my strength, he's also my song,
and now he's my salvation...
I didn't die. I lived!
And now I'm telling the world what God did. (Psalm 118)
It was easy to ignore while Hunky was away, while I floated in the lake, and flipped pancakes for the pre-teen geek squad, while storms rolled in and the magic deck was filled with reminiscing and theology and hilarity. It was easy to pretend that the days weren't ticking away as quickly as they are. But today reality set in again, the Hunky went to work, and we got educated. We also bought bubble wrap, and started inventorying and emptying the too-high cabinets where nothing important is ever stored. I walked around making lists and assessing cleaning supplies.
We are moving, and I, the lover of new things, the lover of new spaces and new organization, the lover of purging and clean slates, am quite sad to see the time clearly now that I always knew would come. I have told the story of the circumstances that got us here but I don't know that I have expounded much about the actual place we have resided the last two years.
When we left Florida, we left a house we knew would likely never sell, and we knew it would financially devastate us no matter how it fell out (and it did, we declared bankruptcy a year ago this week). We knew coming up here that we wouldn't be buying a house, and since then have been quite firmly convicted that for our family, owning a home is an anchor that we are not to allow to weigh us down. This style of life has required of me a new level of faith and trust which still requires that I take deep, quieting breaths from time to time.
God, who never stops showing off for me, brought us to the most amazing home ever to regroup. He brought us to a house that would be able to sleep the literal dozens of people who would come to visit us (often all at once) in the year following our exodus, people who needed to see that we were, indeed, going to thrive in our new life. He brought us to a place that's very largeness provided the space to occupy me in the months it would take me to become accustomed to a new town, to make friends, to find my community. I was never bored or without something to occupy me. He brought us to a place that was reminiscent of many of the happiest memories of my life. He knew that in lake time moments would expand to crystalline perfection allowing deep introspection and soothing relaxation. He brought us to a place far enough out of town that we would have to rely on Him and each other rather than a million social distractions, so the fractures we experienced internally weren't allowed to spread and affect our relationships with each other. He brought us to a place with the softest springiest carpets I have ever walked on, because even the tiniest detail isn't outside His control.
But as wonderful as this place has been to us, it's time to move in closer: closer to town, closer to each other in a house with less square feet, closer in our budget in ways we can't be here. The parade of guests has slowed to an intermittent trickle. Our focus is far more forward than back. Our hearts are as whole as they are ever going to be again. The time is ripe to move us on to other purposes. I realize that once I know where we are going, the excitement of getting there will far overshadow the sorrow of leaving something I knew wasn't permanent.
However, for a few moments tonight, I will indulge in a small bit of wistful melancholy. This place, this world is not my home, but oh my, there are some lovely resting places in it aren't there? How blessed am I to have spent this much time in one?
I'm telling the world what God has done: when we needed it most, He gave us a soft place to land. Here is the place I rediscovered my heart. A good home it's been. I am grateful.
7.22.2011
7 Quick Takes Friday - Edition 5: Why me?
See more Quick takes and join the fun by clicking here
7.) I case you missed all my bragging and gallivanting and prancing and giggling and general merriment and silliness, Cheri and the Brorsen Fab 4 were with us this week for a three day stay. We were also blessed with the fabulous and sneakily snarkalicious Windy and her Princesses, and one of the many, many things we talked about was that you always here people questioning God "Why" when bad things happen, whether it's why me or why do bad things happen or why now. But what you very seldom hear is the same question applied when the miraculous happens. No one says Why me when God heals and blesses and shows off and makes merry. Where did we get this mindset that God owes us good things and wrongs us when He allows bad things. Perhaps gratitude could reach a depth in which we could swim and even dive into if we asked God Why me for every blessing. Make no mistake, it isn't because you earned or deserve it. Its all His favor and His choice.
6.) Hunky is coming home tomorrow. We have survived, and even thrived, another summer of trips, travel and mission work. Of course, his coming home doesn't mark any slowing down in this life, but I'm always grateful that he returns safe and whole and generally spiritually full from doing the things he does best. I'm very excited to see him again. Even in a house filled to the brim with kids, and friends and laughter, I miss his presence. Why am I blessed with such great love? I surely don't deserve it, and I never take it for granted.
5.) We looked at house this week that I was somewhat hopeful about. There were many many perks involved, but it just isn't possible size-wise. I'm willing to downsize and not afraid of smaller, but if I can't fit my bed in the master bedroom, we've reached the point of non-negotiable. Once the hunk is well and truly home we'll start more actively looking for our new home site. I haven't packed a box yet. I suppose that's something that bears starting too. People have been bringing boxes and packing material, finding numbers of rental homes and offering help and support since this decision was made. Why am I blessed with such an amazing community of believers to share life with?
4.) I just found out that my amazing friend Larissa and her husband had their very first baby yesterday. Larissa is one of my Sistahs which means we've walked the primrose path of Cancer Survival together. I remember when Jason was just her boyfriend, when her hair was short and her life uncertain. I'm so excited to see this baby, this miracle and watch her grow. What a gift! The funny thing about cancer, is that even while it tries to steal your life, it teaches you both how fragile and how precious life is. Everyone's life is uncertain. You could die before you finish this post. I've heard so many cancer why me's but I haven't heard many people who haven't had it ask "Why not me"? We're all going to die, that's not injustice; it's fact. I look on my own children and realize this happy ending, it didn't ever have to be. Why me? I'll likely never know, but oh how happy I am that I was given these now fifteen years that were never owed me.
3.) I have been blogging regularly now more than I have in the last few years. It's been fun, and sometimes frustrating, getting my voice back. In fact, I have a backlog of blogs in my head. I am posting them here to have sort of accountability. This week my plan is to blog about a two year old and my prayer life, about influence, and one called "A soft place to land" Don't think I don't wonder why me all the time, that would people would come here and read my thoughts, and share their own. Why do I get to be so blessed? I haven't the first clue.
2.) This week brought TWO Compassion letters to my mailbox. I sucked them down greedily before I even got back to the house and have read them both a few times apiece since. I can get caught up in the scope of brokenness in this world. It is filled, just filled, with hurting hurtful people. People who don't have hope or The Hope, people who can't even imagine that there might be something more in this world and the next. Many of this people live in my own back yard. But rather than be overwhelmed by the scope of it all, I'm just starting where and how I can: Compassion children, local ministry, hurting friends, choosing joy, finding my happies and sharing them - none of these things will fix the world by themselves, but all of them invite the presence of the One who Heals all things. Why am I born into privilege and blessed with overwhelming material affluence? I could ask that forever, but instead I'll find ways to share it.
1.) A storm is rolling in and I have a book to read and a magical back deck to enjoy for sixty more days. It may be 97* but some blessing are only temporal, and I intend to make the most of them while I have them! There is nothing better than an afternoon summer storm.
7.21.2011
Connected
Two years ago when we moved to Georgia, I knew a total of two people who live here in town. For introverted me, I think those first weeks were some of the hardest of my life, and some of the most rewarding. At the time we weren't allowed to talk to anyone in the town we'd left from, which forced me to reach out when I might ordinarily have have kept looking back. I was made to rely on God, and He brought into our life an entire church family of people who loved us home, and who continue to shower us with love and appreciation each and every day. It's been an amazing experience.
However, when you move to a small town, one of the more intimidating things is how connected everyone is. Every one knows every one else; half of everyone else is related and those who aren't have been family friends for two or more generations. I still spend a great deal of time understanding the relationships and trying to learn the history of so many people. It can be daunting (though as a people watcher, I am finding a people history learner is equally entertaining). Many days I feel as though I am barely treading the surface of a very deep river. Time will change that to some extent, and to some extent I will always be a bit on the outside of fully knowing the history here. That's not at all a slight against Milledgeville; that's the way community works. Its history grows and evolves and changes, as people come and go, adding their own parts to the story of life.
This seems a long introduction to get to the point of what I want to say. This week, we were again blessed with the fabulous Cheri and her entourage of amazing children. I love when she is here for many, many reasons, but one that has stood out to me this visit is that she is one of the few connections from my then, to my now, and what's more, she knows the story of the bridge that spans that period of time. Anyone who has spent any time uprooted and adrift will know the comfort of things familiar. It is simply relaxing to speak at length with someone who knows every back story, who remembers your joys and your sorrows, and who has seen you travel enough life to accurately evaluate your thoughts and ideas. The pleasure of shared memories and the delicious entanglement of lives that unfold together bring me endless joy and new, amazing perspectives all at the same time.
Perhaps one of the most enjoyable facets of sharing life with a long time friend here in this time of newness, is that it isn't just part of my past, but her life is weaving into my present as well. My friends in this here and now are becoming her friends. In all the tumble and change that this life has brought and will continue to bring, it is good to have strong cords that bind so many of the pieces together. To watch how God has woven even one thread of love through so many years is breathtaking, and when I widen my scope, I can see that He is doing the same with my life in others', and in their lives through still more in a tapestry that defies description.
These are the sorts of thoughts that I labor to birth into words that mean something to anyone but me here at this blog. While the idea of connections may bring some small comfort, it is a far greater miracle to be allowed to experience so deeply the connections God creates from our past, through our present and far into our future. I am so grateful that the visit of one friend for a few short days is a gift of such incredible beauty and grace. In it, I am not only reconnected to so much of my life that has passed and is still unfolding, but connected to God without whom the pattern would completely unravel and devolve into chaos. His goodness is woven and connected through all the parts of my life. The finished product will be nothing short of divine.
However, when you move to a small town, one of the more intimidating things is how connected everyone is. Every one knows every one else; half of everyone else is related and those who aren't have been family friends for two or more generations. I still spend a great deal of time understanding the relationships and trying to learn the history of so many people. It can be daunting (though as a people watcher, I am finding a people history learner is equally entertaining). Many days I feel as though I am barely treading the surface of a very deep river. Time will change that to some extent, and to some extent I will always be a bit on the outside of fully knowing the history here. That's not at all a slight against Milledgeville; that's the way community works. Its history grows and evolves and changes, as people come and go, adding their own parts to the story of life.
This seems a long introduction to get to the point of what I want to say. This week, we were again blessed with the fabulous Cheri and her entourage of amazing children. I love when she is here for many, many reasons, but one that has stood out to me this visit is that she is one of the few connections from my then, to my now, and what's more, she knows the story of the bridge that spans that period of time. Anyone who has spent any time uprooted and adrift will know the comfort of things familiar. It is simply relaxing to speak at length with someone who knows every back story, who remembers your joys and your sorrows, and who has seen you travel enough life to accurately evaluate your thoughts and ideas. The pleasure of shared memories and the delicious entanglement of lives that unfold together bring me endless joy and new, amazing perspectives all at the same time.
Perhaps one of the most enjoyable facets of sharing life with a long time friend here in this time of newness, is that it isn't just part of my past, but her life is weaving into my present as well. My friends in this here and now are becoming her friends. In all the tumble and change that this life has brought and will continue to bring, it is good to have strong cords that bind so many of the pieces together. To watch how God has woven even one thread of love through so many years is breathtaking, and when I widen my scope, I can see that He is doing the same with my life in others', and in their lives through still more in a tapestry that defies description.
These are the sorts of thoughts that I labor to birth into words that mean something to anyone but me here at this blog. While the idea of connections may bring some small comfort, it is a far greater miracle to be allowed to experience so deeply the connections God creates from our past, through our present and far into our future. I am so grateful that the visit of one friend for a few short days is a gift of such incredible beauty and grace. In it, I am not only reconnected to so much of my life that has passed and is still unfolding, but connected to God without whom the pattern would completely unravel and devolve into chaos. His goodness is woven and connected through all the parts of my life. The finished product will be nothing short of divine.
7.18.2011
Questions
Do you ever question yourself? I do. Often. I've posted here before, often, about my questions, my struggles, my demons.
We're approaching two years since we moved to Georgia, and sometime this week will mark more times than I have posted in either of the last two years. We are moving again...soon soon. I find that the prospect of moving opens new doors of things to be examined. I've swallowed a lot of words in the past few years, and let go some that should have been left unspoken. I've done a great many things wrong.
I question if now is the time to speak of these things or just let it all go like flotsam that drifts away and disappears somewhere far down stream.
I ask God for reasons and sometimes He answers but more often He just tells me to trust.
I question if it's normal to always turn things over and look underneath and search the hidden corners, or am I spending too much time dwelling on the things that matter little instead of on the things that last Eternal.
I "see" people from that life and I wonder "Do I say, 'Hi. I really miss the way we used to be. That was important to me. I hate that it changed so much.'" ? Or do I just keep walking on because you can't make a butterfly back into a caterpillar. Some changes, they just don't go back to what they were. And some pieces don't fit back together once they've changed.
I question my heart and my motives and my faith and my reasons. I'm afraid to say "search me, Abba, and find my hidden sins" because I am afraid of what Truth might reveal.
I read back over this and I question: Is it true? Is it real? Because I am not angst driven, but some times I, who love silence, would rather have white noise in my brain when the children are sleeping than these tripping foxes disguised as thoughts that nip and my cortex and yip-yip-yip between my ears.
Moving.
It's a time to find the things hidden in the backs of drawers and the dusty far corners of closets, both in the house and in the mind.
We're approaching two years since we moved to Georgia, and sometime this week will mark more times than I have posted in either of the last two years. We are moving again...soon soon. I find that the prospect of moving opens new doors of things to be examined. I've swallowed a lot of words in the past few years, and let go some that should have been left unspoken. I've done a great many things wrong.
I question if now is the time to speak of these things or just let it all go like flotsam that drifts away and disappears somewhere far down stream.
I ask God for reasons and sometimes He answers but more often He just tells me to trust.
I question if it's normal to always turn things over and look underneath and search the hidden corners, or am I spending too much time dwelling on the things that matter little instead of on the things that last Eternal.
I "see" people from that life and I wonder "Do I say, 'Hi. I really miss the way we used to be. That was important to me. I hate that it changed so much.'" ? Or do I just keep walking on because you can't make a butterfly back into a caterpillar. Some changes, they just don't go back to what they were. And some pieces don't fit back together once they've changed.
I question my heart and my motives and my faith and my reasons. I'm afraid to say "search me, Abba, and find my hidden sins" because I am afraid of what Truth might reveal.
I read back over this and I question: Is it true? Is it real? Because I am not angst driven, but some times I, who love silence, would rather have white noise in my brain when the children are sleeping than these tripping foxes disguised as thoughts that nip and my cortex and yip-yip-yip between my ears.
Moving.
It's a time to find the things hidden in the backs of drawers and the dusty far corners of closets, both in the house and in the mind.
7.16.2011
Saturday Psalm
Abba, how wonderful is your love for your children!
You come to us when we are
blinded, wounded, stormstruck;
faithless, helpless, hopeless
You gather us into your mighty arms
You calm the storms
You stir the faith flames
You give Help
You grant peace.
You sing a love song over my head
Unfurl the banner of your love
You softly whisper, "Watch"
And the sky explodes with stars
whose names you sing.
The earth explodes with Life whose form you spoke
People sing your praises, all the nations
whose very hairs are numbered
In ocean depths, whale song
On mountain peaks, eagle cry
In deepest forest, deer rest
Across misty lakes, geese celebrate
Lord, you orchestrate it all
for your glory
for your Joy
Majesty and miracle
Beauty and Splendor
Power and Wonder
All are on display before me.
I tremble.
Who am I to doubt,
fear, question
The El
What reason would the Maker of all things
have to answer one such as I?
But you have not finished showing me your Glory
A helpless babe, dirty wailing
A sturdy, curly headed boy tasting Honeyed Torah.
The Word speaking The Word
A laughing man with Words of wonder and Life
An angry man with whip and words of passion
A sorrowed man who would gather His children as a dove
A weeping man, prone, alone on a dark garden carpet
A dying man bleeding, broken, even now speaking mercy.
absolution,
Love
These things, oh Lord, more glorious still.
I am quieted, undne
But you are not, you have one more
gift
pearl of priceless worth
For me, unworthy
unable to repay:
These things my child,
these things and so much more
I did for you. I do for you.
You are the one I have chosen.
The object of my passion.
My love.
You come to us when we are
blinded, wounded, stormstruck;
faithless, helpless, hopeless
You gather us into your mighty arms
You calm the storms
You stir the faith flames
You give Help
You grant peace.
You sing a love song over my head
Unfurl the banner of your love
You softly whisper, "Watch"
And the sky explodes with stars
whose names you sing.
The earth explodes with Life whose form you spoke
People sing your praises, all the nations
whose very hairs are numbered
In ocean depths, whale song
On mountain peaks, eagle cry
In deepest forest, deer rest
Across misty lakes, geese celebrate
Lord, you orchestrate it all
for your glory
for your Joy
Majesty and miracle
Beauty and Splendor
Power and Wonder
All are on display before me.
I tremble.
Who am I to doubt,
fear, question
The El
What reason would the Maker of all things
have to answer one such as I?
But you have not finished showing me your Glory
A helpless babe, dirty wailing
A sturdy, curly headed boy tasting Honeyed Torah.
The Word speaking The Word
A laughing man with Words of wonder and Life
An angry man with whip and words of passion
A sorrowed man who would gather His children as a dove
A weeping man, prone, alone on a dark garden carpet
A dying man bleeding, broken, even now speaking mercy.
absolution,
Love
These things, oh Lord, more glorious still.
I am quieted, undne
But you are not, you have one more
gift
pearl of priceless worth
For me, unworthy
unable to repay:
These things my child,
these things and so much more
I did for you. I do for you.
You are the one I have chosen.
The object of my passion.
My love.
7.15.2011
7 Quick Takes Friday (Episode IV: A New Hope)
1.) This week has kind of topped my tank on things I am able to deal with. I told the lovely Miss Tish at lunch today that I was hoping for a rather restful summer this year and that. just. hasn't. happened. Now we are definitely moving some time in the next eight weeks. My head is spinning at the thought. I don't love moving though I do love the anticipation of a new place. Fortunately, I had already sort of scheduled in my head a 3-4 week school break that month, you know, because we are also taking a family vacation then. Yes, right when we move. What? Normal people don't live like that? True. True tale indeed.
2) It went to over 100* three days in a row this week. Have mercy that is warm! We used every conceivable way of keeping the house cool without killing the air conditioner and then some. Today has been a lovely (albeit muggy) low 80's day with off and on rain. Deeeeeeelicious. Also much needed for lake cooling since Lake Days 2 starts on Tuesday!
3) Sometimes when I'm bummed and feeling like my life is very heavy, I read the blog Kisses from Katie. That blog breaks my heart and gives me much needed focus and perspective. It's beautiful.
4) Lately, I've also been digging this young lady and her new missionary lifestyle. One of the houses we are considering moving to could lend itself to this sort of life. It bears thought and prayer. We need lots of closed doors, and one big open one--barn door style. Maybe Hoover Dam size.
5) I made the leap and started a Google Plus account. I love it. No, I really love it. My facebook has since then been acting meaner than a middle school girl having a bad hair day, and I can't even log in at this point. Bad form, Facebook. Meet my new love, Google.
6) My husband is leaving on a mission trip tomorrow. He is taking the printer. We are currently in the middle of a school quarter. This has caused a bit of stress for me. I generally have a good overview of the week, and then plan day by day. Today I am planning for a whole week with no option to print once my time is up should I make a mistake. Angst.
7) Lately I really really miss drawing. I always say I am going to work it in. I never manage to do that. Then I say when I settle and get a schedule I will make it happen. But that also rarely happens. I don't think we've had any sort of normal schedule since we moved here. It's moments like this when I realize how much I am ready to move to a smaller place with much less space. I love this house. I do. It's been wonderful. But the care and keeping of it are becoming altogether overwhelming. And on that note, I feel more settled. That's called a blogging win.
7.14.2011
When Fasting is the Easy Part
Did you ever have one of those days when you realize you must be doing a whole lotta things right if someone else is working so hard against you? Today was what day for me.
It's been a rough week. On a scale of one to ten personally - 7; on a scale of one to ten perspective of world suffering - .8 (don't miss that decimal). Even with perspective, it hasn't been fun. In a good week, ministry is hard, back breaking work. In a rough week, it'll wring your soul out and leave it for the turkey buzzards. This week, the buzzards are most definitely circling.
We're going to come to the point of this the roundabout way so bear with me. In February, I successfully completed three weeks of Daniel fasting. At the time I pondered the possibility that being free from food additive addictions would lead to more fasting. I have had several water fasts since then, and I was right: once the sugar and toxins have cleared your system fasting becomes a much more focused, less miserable activity. In fact, there are times that I actually feel like a spiritual weapon, when I am focusing on God rather than food and completely undistracted by physical withdrawals.
And that, my friends, is the rub.
Prayer alone is powerful.
Prayer combined with fasting, that's world changing power. Jesus, Himself, speaks of the power of combining the two. When fasting is the easy part, when your focus becomes razor edged, that's when you start to really gain the attention of the powers of darkness.
I may have wandered a little too far into enemy territory to come out unscathed, and since I didn't walk in alone, I'm seeing some serious collateral damage. Life is getting he't up here in middle Georgia. The uglies have come out of hiding, and the gloves are off. Which any sane person would look at and say, "Well, I just need to stop calling attention to myself and lay off the spiritual warfare for a bit."
Instead I think I need to make my fasting periods longer. When fasting is the easy part, it means you have to get more creative in finding ways to make yourself sweat.
It's been a rough week. On a scale of one to ten personally - 7; on a scale of one to ten perspective of world suffering - .8 (don't miss that decimal). Even with perspective, it hasn't been fun. In a good week, ministry is hard, back breaking work. In a rough week, it'll wring your soul out and leave it for the turkey buzzards. This week, the buzzards are most definitely circling.
We're going to come to the point of this the roundabout way so bear with me. In February, I successfully completed three weeks of Daniel fasting. At the time I pondered the possibility that being free from food additive addictions would lead to more fasting. I have had several water fasts since then, and I was right: once the sugar and toxins have cleared your system fasting becomes a much more focused, less miserable activity. In fact, there are times that I actually feel like a spiritual weapon, when I am focusing on God rather than food and completely undistracted by physical withdrawals.
And that, my friends, is the rub.
Prayer alone is powerful.
Prayer combined with fasting, that's world changing power. Jesus, Himself, speaks of the power of combining the two. When fasting is the easy part, when your focus becomes razor edged, that's when you start to really gain the attention of the powers of darkness.
I may have wandered a little too far into enemy territory to come out unscathed, and since I didn't walk in alone, I'm seeing some serious collateral damage. Life is getting he't up here in middle Georgia. The uglies have come out of hiding, and the gloves are off. Which any sane person would look at and say, "Well, I just need to stop calling attention to myself and lay off the spiritual warfare for a bit."
Instead I think I need to make my fasting periods longer. When fasting is the easy part, it means you have to get more creative in finding ways to make yourself sweat.
7.13.2011
Help
Abba
Help me
find my way
my priorities
my discipline
My Love.
Help me
Find my Voice
my compassion
my ministry
my charity
My boundaries
(do I get to have boundaries?)
My thoughts; My prayers
My hopes; My fears.
Holy Spirit, groan for them.
I feel: adrift
unanchored
uncharted
uncertain
Scrambled, tumbled, lost, confused, concerned,distracted, distant, disengaged, distrustful.
But You say
I AM
the Way
the Truth
the Straight Path
the Firm Anchor
the Solid Rock
Peace, that passes understanding
the Beginning and the End
the Center
Hope
New Mercy and Joy in the Morning
Healing
Life
the Light of Men
My Rock
My Salvation
You say, Come,
You burdened, weary, heart-heavy, soul-seared, back-broken, downcast.
Come.
And I will give you
still waters
quiet pastures
Hind's feet
Eagle's wings.
A heart of flesh,
A new name.
Help.
Rest.
God's Promise.
Help me
find my way
my priorities
my discipline
My Love.
Help me
Find my Voice
my compassion
my ministry
my charity
My boundaries
(do I get to have boundaries?)
My thoughts; My prayers
My hopes; My fears.
Holy Spirit, groan for them.
I feel: adrift
unanchored
uncharted
uncertain
Scrambled, tumbled, lost, confused, concerned,distracted, distant, disengaged, distrustful.
But You say
I AM
the Way
the Truth
the Straight Path
the Firm Anchor
the Solid Rock
Peace, that passes understanding
the Beginning and the End
the Center
Hope
New Mercy and Joy in the Morning
Healing
Life
the Light of Men
My Rock
My Salvation
You say, Come,
You burdened, weary, heart-heavy, soul-seared, back-broken, downcast.
Come.
And I will give you
still waters
quiet pastures
Hind's feet
Eagle's wings.
A heart of flesh,
A new name.
Help.
Rest.
God's Promise.
7.11.2011
Meanderings on Monday
It is hard to get back into the routine of blogging once you are out even for just a few days. Funny that each week I think to myself that things will slow down a touch and I can get some sort or routine going, and that is just not happening. It's not even close to happening. Starting school made it even more challenging to get what should be routine things completed. So many times I tell other people that changing too many things at once will kill any momentum you home to gain, and here I am caught up in the same thing. Only, I'm not sure that I can stop the momentum we are gaining, and to be honest, I don't think that in good conscience I will allow it. So, I will continue to learn to be flexible and disciplined, to re-prioritize on a dime and to weigh the differences between busyness and relationship building. So much to learn, so urgent to learn it.
Sometimes I wonder if ministry will ever be less hard or less exciting. Then I stop an consider that the hope is that all the while my heart of stone are turning into the heart of Christ. And if that is truly happening then the things that break God's heart will be the things that break my heart. And surely, human heart ache doesn't even hold a candle to the heart brokenness off the Almighty Creator of the the universe. So if all of what I have surmised before is true, then if my heart truly is becoming more Christ like, I can expect each crack and crevice to be more painful than any that preceded it. Instead of becoming easier, ministry becomes more and more an effort of love and pain. If that's not dying to live, I don't know what is. Now if only I could actually convince God this is some sort of mistake, as I have been trying to do for almost a decade ( I kid, I kid, sort of)
This month may be the first time that I lamented the power bill and Hunky was calm with it. In perspective it really is low for summer, and yet I look at all that "convenience" money and shudder. We've only had to water one time so far this month, so I am hoping all our water conservation measures will show up on our next water bill (and that there will be some rain tomorrow to offset that absolutely scorching heat they are calling for). Still working to strike that balance between believing we are being good stewards (such a churchy word, eh?) and not having guilt over being born into a country and culture which I honestly wouldn't change to live in another, but which sure seems shallow in the face of many others. See what happens when you let yourself think?
It's almost 10pm and still almost 90* - mercy that's warm!
It's time time time to stop allowing busyness to distract me from healthy habits. Yes, I did just say that after talking about scorching heat. Today was a far healthier eating day than the weekend of debauchery eating brought on by the wedding. Must. add. exercise. back. in. I plan to be at my goal weight (whatever that is -- since I refuse to get on a scale. I'll know by pants size) by my 39th birthday. I know I'm more than half way there from last year, so things look promising if I can throw myself out of the "you've worked hard enough" illusion. I hear kettle bells...
School, school, school, this term we are studying 20th century American History, weather, the Middle Ages, Norse Mythology, Shakespeare and of course the basic writing, math, grammar and spelling skills we always cover. Bible is focusing on being mission minded (reading Radical, Do Hard Things and other books like this together) and various books (currently James). It has taken longer to organize and pull together resources this time. I think that's because the girls were given a pretty big voice in what we study. It required a fast revamp (which takes me back to the first paragraph of being flexible and disciplined all at once.), but with the exception of math (which may still be the death of me) it seems to be flowing pretty well now. If we can get all the cars working we may be able to find a schedule and hold it. I won't hold my breath.
Now I must take the poor dog out into the warm evening. I love the nocturnal song that accompanies our walk on warm summer nights. If we're lucky we'll see my armadillo friend (and he won't wait for us INSIDE the atrium) and also my deer stalker. We're practically on a first name basis now.
That's all folks!
Sometimes I wonder if ministry will ever be less hard or less exciting. Then I stop an consider that the hope is that all the while my heart of stone are turning into the heart of Christ. And if that is truly happening then the things that break God's heart will be the things that break my heart. And surely, human heart ache doesn't even hold a candle to the heart brokenness off the Almighty Creator of the the universe. So if all of what I have surmised before is true, then if my heart truly is becoming more Christ like, I can expect each crack and crevice to be more painful than any that preceded it. Instead of becoming easier, ministry becomes more and more an effort of love and pain. If that's not dying to live, I don't know what is. Now if only I could actually convince God this is some sort of mistake, as I have been trying to do for almost a decade ( I kid, I kid, sort of)
This month may be the first time that I lamented the power bill and Hunky was calm with it. In perspective it really is low for summer, and yet I look at all that "convenience" money and shudder. We've only had to water one time so far this month, so I am hoping all our water conservation measures will show up on our next water bill (and that there will be some rain tomorrow to offset that absolutely scorching heat they are calling for). Still working to strike that balance between believing we are being good stewards (such a churchy word, eh?) and not having guilt over being born into a country and culture which I honestly wouldn't change to live in another, but which sure seems shallow in the face of many others. See what happens when you let yourself think?
It's almost 10pm and still almost 90* - mercy that's warm!
It's time time time to stop allowing busyness to distract me from healthy habits. Yes, I did just say that after talking about scorching heat. Today was a far healthier eating day than the weekend of debauchery eating brought on by the wedding. Must. add. exercise. back. in. I plan to be at my goal weight (whatever that is -- since I refuse to get on a scale. I'll know by pants size) by my 39th birthday. I know I'm more than half way there from last year, so things look promising if I can throw myself out of the "you've worked hard enough" illusion. I hear kettle bells...
School, school, school, this term we are studying 20th century American History, weather, the Middle Ages, Norse Mythology, Shakespeare and of course the basic writing, math, grammar and spelling skills we always cover. Bible is focusing on being mission minded (reading Radical, Do Hard Things and other books like this together) and various books (currently James). It has taken longer to organize and pull together resources this time. I think that's because the girls were given a pretty big voice in what we study. It required a fast revamp (which takes me back to the first paragraph of being flexible and disciplined all at once.), but with the exception of math (which may still be the death of me) it seems to be flowing pretty well now. If we can get all the cars working we may be able to find a schedule and hold it. I won't hold my breath.
Now I must take the poor dog out into the warm evening. I love the nocturnal song that accompanies our walk on warm summer nights. If we're lucky we'll see my armadillo friend (and he won't wait for us INSIDE the atrium) and also my deer stalker. We're practically on a first name basis now.
That's all folks!
7.08.2011
7 Quick Takes for Friday (3rd edition)
Whoa! Blogger changed overnight. This makes blogging both brighter and more interesting...
Seven: The Hunky and I are having a 36 hour getaway this weekend. He's doing a wedding a few hours from here and the Bride and Groom are putting us up. I'm excited! I love to go away and dress up and eat out. I gots my hair did (with coconut oil, not really salon did) and I'm happy!
Six: I had a great time at the Dekalb Farmers market this week. What an amazing, fun and fabulous place! It's kind of a hike from here, but worth going every few weeks since I have some friends who want to carpool and we can share the gas expense! Eating is about to get way more exciting around here!
Five: I like this post about quiet, thinking and space . A lot. Fahrenheit 451 haunts me when it comes to our constant need for noise and distraction. I can be just as guilty as the rest.
Four: One week of school is under our belts. It had ups and it had some LOWS. But we ended on up. I'll take that.
Three: My Compassion children broke my heart again this week, and made me realize how big God truly is, yet again. Who but God could find a child who has financial support but no correspondence, and connect the two of us (my family and his) at exactly the time when his father falls ill and dies, which is exactly what happened to me in my life just over a decade ago. Only God seeks out and puts together two people out of billions who share the same experience at the exact time it's happening. How cool is He?
Two: I'm a cheese peddler. I started distributing cheese from Simply Cheese for Milledgeville. This makes me happy in a lot of ways. I love food. I love sharing good food. I really love cheese. I really really love that this cheese is hormone free. I love that it supports small farmers. I love that it's not mass produced chain cheese. I love that I can add cheese back into my diet regularly and not worry about the crap they add to the cows (this being why I stopped eating meat).
One: This week also reminded me that ministry is hard work, and it makes satan very angry. You can only make kingdom changes for so long before he's going to come after you with all barrels firing. It's going to be ugly. And when it gets ugly you have about three choices: Stop making change, walk away or stand. So we stand.
Now I'm off the the metropolis of Lawrenceville to wed some folk and have a grand time!
Seven: The Hunky and I are having a 36 hour getaway this weekend. He's doing a wedding a few hours from here and the Bride and Groom are putting us up. I'm excited! I love to go away and dress up and eat out. I gots my hair did (with coconut oil, not really salon did) and I'm happy!
Six: I had a great time at the Dekalb Farmers market this week. What an amazing, fun and fabulous place! It's kind of a hike from here, but worth going every few weeks since I have some friends who want to carpool and we can share the gas expense! Eating is about to get way more exciting around here!
Five: I like this post about quiet, thinking and space . A lot. Fahrenheit 451 haunts me when it comes to our constant need for noise and distraction. I can be just as guilty as the rest.
Four: One week of school is under our belts. It had ups and it had some LOWS. But we ended on up. I'll take that.
Three: My Compassion children broke my heart again this week, and made me realize how big God truly is, yet again. Who but God could find a child who has financial support but no correspondence, and connect the two of us (my family and his) at exactly the time when his father falls ill and dies, which is exactly what happened to me in my life just over a decade ago. Only God seeks out and puts together two people out of billions who share the same experience at the exact time it's happening. How cool is He?
Two: I'm a cheese peddler. I started distributing cheese from Simply Cheese for Milledgeville. This makes me happy in a lot of ways. I love food. I love sharing good food. I really love cheese. I really really love that this cheese is hormone free. I love that it supports small farmers. I love that it's not mass produced chain cheese. I love that I can add cheese back into my diet regularly and not worry about the crap they add to the cows (this being why I stopped eating meat).
One: This week also reminded me that ministry is hard work, and it makes satan very angry. You can only make kingdom changes for so long before he's going to come after you with all barrels firing. It's going to be ugly. And when it gets ugly you have about three choices: Stop making change, walk away or stand. So we stand.
Now I'm off the the metropolis of Lawrenceville to wed some folk and have a grand time!
7.05.2011
Right Where I Am
Today was kind of like a battlefield event. Satan came in hard and he brought his demon pal, Not Good Enough, with him.
We met in the home school room and in the unwashed dishes. We met over laundry and in communication. We battled over perceptions and boundaries and trust. We battled over understanding and mercy and trying not to be sickened by mercy's absence. We parried over justice and boldness and grief. We went around in a waltz of passion and regret.
It was fierce and futile.
Time eventually found me again on the magical back deck, where even the fans couldn't push back humidity, but where I knew God would find me, as He always does.
I pulled out my pen and wrote my list of heavy things. It wasn't poetic or spiritual or eloquent. It was raw and said things like, "It's not fair" and "I don't want it to be this way" and "Why can't I ever understand any of this?"
It made my journal weigh more than it ever did before. But when I put it down, the weight did not return to rest in me.
And then, oh then, as God is wont to do, He began to show out.
He sent me again the blessing of gracious forgiveness from a kindred spirit.
He sent encouragement from unexpected places.
He sent a gentle volley of fortifying text messages from a place I seldom rest my thoughts
He sent generous gifts of money that will become Living Water and which showed my children the beauty of unexpected generosity
He sent the heart cry of a child in Burkina Faso whose pain runs familiar paths in my own heart.
He sent Hunky home and filled the house with guitar strains.
He said, I hear you child, and while I may not answer in any way you will ever understand, you can know I hear you. I love you and it is my joy to treat you to the blessing as long as you keep your eyes open for it.
He met me on my battle field and said, "I will fight for you, you need only be still."
We met in the home school room and in the unwashed dishes. We met over laundry and in communication. We battled over perceptions and boundaries and trust. We battled over understanding and mercy and trying not to be sickened by mercy's absence. We parried over justice and boldness and grief. We went around in a waltz of passion and regret.
It was fierce and futile.
Time eventually found me again on the magical back deck, where even the fans couldn't push back humidity, but where I knew God would find me, as He always does.
I pulled out my pen and wrote my list of heavy things. It wasn't poetic or spiritual or eloquent. It was raw and said things like, "It's not fair" and "I don't want it to be this way" and "Why can't I ever understand any of this?"
It made my journal weigh more than it ever did before. But when I put it down, the weight did not return to rest in me.
And then, oh then, as God is wont to do, He began to show out.
He sent me again the blessing of gracious forgiveness from a kindred spirit.
He sent encouragement from unexpected places.
He sent a gentle volley of fortifying text messages from a place I seldom rest my thoughts
He sent generous gifts of money that will become Living Water and which showed my children the beauty of unexpected generosity
He sent the heart cry of a child in Burkina Faso whose pain runs familiar paths in my own heart.
He sent Hunky home and filled the house with guitar strains.
He said, I hear you child, and while I may not answer in any way you will ever understand, you can know I hear you. I love you and it is my joy to treat you to the blessing as long as you keep your eyes open for it.
He met me on my battle field and said, "I will fight for you, you need only be still."
7.04.2011
Tension
 |
| Dichotomy: any splitting of a whole into exactly two non-overlapping parts, meaning it is a procedure in which a whole is divided into two parts, or in half
This picture represents the dichotomy of my life. It symbolizes all the beauty and joy and comfort we have, and also the responsibility that comes with these freedoms. Look closely, closer still, the title of the book I'm reading when this picture was taken is Tortured for Christ.
Over the last few months God has been teaching me, leading me, showing me His love for me. He has healed a deep and ugly hole in my heart and re-filled me with joy and passion, but He didn't stop there. He showed me the mantle of responsibility that was to come with that refilling. He has led to a place of green pastures and still waters, but He has not led me here to rest, yet.
I could waste a lot of time wondering why I have been given much when others have nothing; why I was born free to worship Jesus Christ while every day people die for proclaiming His name. I could look at the world picture of poverty, disease and oppression and declare it too much for one person to do anything about. I could ignore it all, and just keep living the shallow, self-centered American dream. Or I can do something. ANYTHING. Since I am writing this now, you can assume I have chosen the latter. I can't save the world or fix all it's problems, but I sure as anything have a direct line to the one who can and will. That's my first step: prayer. Not just mindless random prayers but focused, deliberate prayers for specific people, places and events. God gave me the gift of lists for a reason. I'm turning my lists into directed prayers. I've decided I would rather be a nagging widow than a luke warm chunk of vomit. If simply getting started praying seems overwhelming, I can direct you to a few locations: International Prayer Network Articles page (don't be alarmed at the Afrikaans, just scroll down to the English links. I suggest starting with "How to spend an hour in prayer. Read it; do it.) Operation World an amazing and beautiful resource that will tell you specifically how to pray for individual countries and people groups. They'll even send it to your inbox Pray for the President - Liking him is not required. Agreeing with him is not required. If you are not praying for him you are directly disobeying God who placed him in office. Take some time to learn the names of local leaders too and pray for them. Most simply of all: make a list. Make a list and start praying. Pray over it everyday and when your prayers are answered, write that down and add more to your list. Just get started. The second thing God asked of me was to engage the enemy head on. Satan comes to steal, kill and destroy but Jesus came to give life and give it to the full. Become engaged in the battle as an agent of life by choosing one thing, one way to make a difference. Yes, the options are overwhelming as well. Start. Pick something. Dive in. Every day that we engage the enemy we make inroads for other people into the Kingdom. Imagine if every Christian we know actively worked at Kingdom building rather than taking the viewpoint of "Good thing I'm in! Think I'll stay safely inside." Chances are your heart will be broken. Chances are you are not going to feel comfortable, and you are going to be asked to give up comforts in order to meet the needs of others. If you aren't feeling tension in your life concerning where you are and where God is taking you, you might not actually be following the living God. There are several organizations that I am passionate about: Compassion International - If you want your heart to light up for God's forgotten people, get involved in the life of a child. If $38 is too much for your family, partner with another family and it's only $19; partner with 2 other families and it's $13. I find it hard to believe that anyone reading this today can't find $13 a month. If you can't invest in the monthly letter writing commitment, look at their critical needs program. Look into their Water of Life program. Voice of the Martyrs - Christ and His body are being desperately attacked in countries that aren't as apathetic as our own. Find ways to help financially, through prayer and letters to those who are imprisoned and facing death for spreading the gospel. If you are a member of the church, this directly affects you. You are responsible to pray for and help your brothers and sisters. Northwest Haiti Christian Mission/ Melonnie Kelly - if you really don't believe that one average person can't change the world for Christ, I beg you to spend some time at Melonnie's blog. Closing down brothels, bringing hope to prisoners, teaching people how to live for Christ instead of dying in despair, washing feet and loving children are only a small part of what make her such an amazing person. I am privileged to call her friend, and I love the fact that knowing her is God's way of telling me that even I, with all my flaws and failures can be something incredible with and for Him. If none of the things I have mentioned so far do anything for you, here's a few more: Wellspring International To Write Love on her Arms Anti-Slavery World Vision Gospel for Asia All of these organizations and so many, many more need help, support, prayer, volunteers, hands, feet and voices. Ignorance is not an option or an excuse. Get involved, sign up for newsletters. Like Facebook pages. Learn and in learning, engage. You should walk away from this feeling tension. I do. Every day, I do. The words on the gospel of Luke echo in my soul "From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked." I have been given much. So very much. I do not wish to stand before the Lord having held on to it and closed my eyes and heart to all who could have been saved had I but given time and prayers and help. Until all of us are free, no one is. |
7.02.2011
Saturday Evening Blog Post - June
This is my first time participating in the Saturday Evening blog post, but I love the idea of picking a favorite for the month. It wasn't easy this month But I proudly choose:
If you'd like to play along and read other's favorites, Head on over to Elizabeth Esther's Blog and join in the fun!
For My Hunky, On His Birthday
In a way, today is a day like any other day. The girls games are loud, the yard needs mowing, the water bill came (and we wept a bit), aspirations were discussed, disappointments were examined, books and quotes and thoughts were shared, meals were prepared and consumed (amidst a constant stream of chatter and referee-ing interruptions).
Even though we aren't allowed to make much of the occasion, it isn't just any other day. It's the day of celebration for the birth of the man I love.
These three sentences pretty much encompass the life I have made with my Hunky: there isn't one aspect of myself of which he isn't an integral part, and he'd prefer there not be any fanfare about it.
He's been there through my biggest battles, and there when I was afraid to stand alone. He listened silently and quietly walked away from a life he loved when it was me that was made the reason. He's the voice I wait to hear call greeting at the end of the day, and the familiar caress after the lights are out. He's the shoulder on which I've wept and smile that makes my heart sing. He's made me laugh harder and louder than any other person (Hooter Chowder! Hooter Chowder!) In fact, I sometimes don't know how I ever stop laughing. He makes the colors brighter, the highs higher and the lows not as bleak. He's my lover and the best friend I will ever know on this earth. He inspires me to be better while telling me I'm amazing. He makes me feel beautiful and more special than anyone else in all the world. He's the most amazing father I can imagine and the kindest hearted man I've ever encountered. His heart expands with every conversation, and my greatest joy is watching as he shows his love to people so hungry to be loved.
It's a crazy ridiculous idea that two first born, passionate, strong-willed, explosive people could ever make a go of life together, but what I know now is that God always knew that only someone whose heart is as deep and beautiful is Craig's could ever change a heart as selfish and unyielding as mine.
I'd celebrate him each and every day, every moment if he would allow it. But he won't.
So what I will do is love him and seek every day to make sure he knows that while this life could be lived without him, certainly, it never could it ever be the magical, wonderful, glorious life it has been so far without his part in it.
I can't wait for the next forty years. A great adventure is better when it's shared with the better half of your heart.
Even though we aren't allowed to make much of the occasion, it isn't just any other day. It's the day of celebration for the birth of the man I love.
These three sentences pretty much encompass the life I have made with my Hunky: there isn't one aspect of myself of which he isn't an integral part, and he'd prefer there not be any fanfare about it.
He's been there through my biggest battles, and there when I was afraid to stand alone. He listened silently and quietly walked away from a life he loved when it was me that was made the reason. He's the voice I wait to hear call greeting at the end of the day, and the familiar caress after the lights are out. He's the shoulder on which I've wept and smile that makes my heart sing. He's made me laugh harder and louder than any other person (Hooter Chowder! Hooter Chowder!) In fact, I sometimes don't know how I ever stop laughing. He makes the colors brighter, the highs higher and the lows not as bleak. He's my lover and the best friend I will ever know on this earth. He inspires me to be better while telling me I'm amazing. He makes me feel beautiful and more special than anyone else in all the world. He's the most amazing father I can imagine and the kindest hearted man I've ever encountered. His heart expands with every conversation, and my greatest joy is watching as he shows his love to people so hungry to be loved.
It's a crazy ridiculous idea that two first born, passionate, strong-willed, explosive people could ever make a go of life together, but what I know now is that God always knew that only someone whose heart is as deep and beautiful is Craig's could ever change a heart as selfish and unyielding as mine.
I'd celebrate him each and every day, every moment if he would allow it. But he won't.
So what I will do is love him and seek every day to make sure he knows that while this life could be lived without him, certainly, it never could it ever be the magical, wonderful, glorious life it has been so far without his part in it.
I can't wait for the next forty years. A great adventure is better when it's shared with the better half of your heart.
7.01.2011
7 Quick takes Friday - #2
(you can see last weeks Quick Takes here...CLICK IT!)
One : We are wrapping up the final four days of our summer vacation this holiday weekend. Our lives move more smoothly if we take our vacation time in smaller chunks and more frequently than three whole months in the summer. I'm a little sad and a little happy. Our time off hasn't been as restful as I had imagined, but has been a lot more fun and rewarding than I had planned or even anticipated. In it we crammed a ten day trip to Florida for the girls, a trip to Daytona for me, camp, VBS, Lake days, a silence retreat, a lot of life changing reading, a lot of lake time, puzzles, games, movies, dates with Hunky and launching a new cheese co-op. I call it successful.
Two: Our summer studies are going to focus a great deal on living intentionally and with missional focus. In some ways it's going to look less like school than it ever has. I think it will be a great way to give my Mom some educational angst. Together the girls and I will read Radical (which I have read) and Do Hard Things. We are also looking for ways as a family to save $110 to buy two water systems for Water of Life.
Three: This weekend is Hunky's birthday. He's not much of one for pomp and hoopla. In his words, "The ladies in my life celebrate so many days that I don't really need one for me." He's hard to shop for because he wants nothing and is content where he is. Maybe for his birthday he could bottle it and share it with the rest of us.
Four: I'm really quite excited about CHEESE! My lovely friend Sasha introduced me to this delicious amish cheese goodness, and as a cheese lover, I can honestly say I've never has better. Cheese is something I have eaten far less of since my food convictions took new twists (I've been a vegetarian for six years and lately have gone more and more whole- foody). But this lovely cheese has neither hormones nor is it chemically processed. They also sell retail if the idea of trying this cheese compels you.
Five: My Compassion daughter, Fiona has a birthday coming up so the next week or so we will be gathering things to mail her to help her feel loved and special, since she IS loved and special. I've really enjoyed becoming more involved in more children's lives and in sharing more about how easy it is to become involved. I've written two blogs for compassion and will be writing at least once or twice a week from now on about all the wonderful ways supporting the organization really does change lives.
Six: My girls watched Hello Dolly this week and loved it. I love sharing musicals with them. It's one of my favorite things to do. I know it makes me a cheesy sap. I don't even care.
Seven: It is hard to find a place to live with a dog. It is hard to decide if looking for a new place to live is the right thing. It is hard to imagine not living on the lake if we moved. In fact, it's all too much to think about this weekend. Fiddle-Dee-Dee I'll put it off until another day!
If you want to read other Quick Takes or play along yourself, grab the pic and leave a link at Conversion Diary!
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