Simply Living: Day 31: Simply The End (or not)

I was thinking the other day of the last night I spent in my home in Florida. I'd really managed to hold it together and be excited about moving, changing and fresh starts right up until that point. But that night all the anger, all the hurt, all the injustice, all the uncertainty boiled to the surface and I was a slamming, raging, weeping mess. My Hunky met me in the kitchen (where I was slamming and raging and weeping) and wrapped me up in his arms (if you've ever been wrapped up in a hug by Hunky, you know he really gets what it means to envelop someone in a hug), laid my head on his chest and reminded me that every ending is just a beginning in disguise.

And so it is

Over 700 people participated in the Change your Life in 31 days blogging challenge. I don't know how many completed it. I chose seven or eight blogs to follow and of those, not all of them were able to complete the challenge. It's hard. Hard to stay focused for 31 straight days. Hard to talk about the same thing for 31 straight days. And it's easy to close the door, and simply walk away.

I really don't want to do that.  I have enjoyed the challenge because it forced me to follow through on two things I really have wanted: simplifying and writing. I have considered and evaluated so many things this last month, purging some things, choosing to keep others, making changes, growing, discovering and finding my voice and my words again.

Most of the changes I have made I hope will be permanent:

• regular blogging
• morning pages
• quitting facebook
• wardrobe reduction and refining
• another carload of random stuff purged
• closets cleaned and organized
• priorities made clearer

Some things will continue to be refined. For instance, yesterday I emptied a bookcase that I was certain we would need when we moved in. We don't (The Hunky is grumbling about having to move more furniture. Sorry, babe). Living simply is both a process and a journey, and I am barely beginning.

So what's next you ask? Tomorrow I will start a new four week theme that will run until Advent. I am going to continue to try and write something everyday. It's been a very good exercise for me.

I started 100 days of running with a friend today. Ninety-nine more days to go. Don't think that subject won't be making an appearance over the weeks to come.

And last but not least, continuing to bring my priorities into focus and live every day more purposefully.

The Beginning.

Simply Living: Day 30: Simply Community

While we are on the subject of flaws, let's talk about one more. I have not always been a person who believed in community. In fact, I would say that while I was living in Florida, truly being in, or even wanting to be in community was something I sorely lacked. I'm a fiercely independent introvert. Let's not even get into my thoughts about "group projects" when I was in school. The idea of community was something that made me tired and down right cranky. No thank you. I'd like a double portion of alone with a side of I-can-do-it-better-my-way, please.

Of course, God isn't one to let me stay that way, because an isolated existence isn't really the way the family of God works.  God's people are called to live in community ( today we call it church ), and we are meant to rely on each other for everything, in every circumstance, at any time.

If you don't think that last sentence has made this independent introvert cringe for a long time, you would be oh-so-wrong.

I knew when we moved to minister at a church in a smaller community, that life outside community would no longer be an option. What I didn't know, was how grateful I would ultimately be to be shown the strength and comfort found in community.  It has taken us some time here to settle, to heal, to feel safe opening up. While that happened, we've been loved. Simply loved. Loved when I was prickly, loved when I was insecure, loved when I was frustrated, loved with food, with time, with words, with hugs and with presence. That's community. They bring food when you've traveled far and clean your windows when you're moving on. They send cards and make calls. They watch your children and at the end of the day tell you how wonderful those children are. They go on walks with you and shop with you and sing with you. They are not afraid to tell you when you are wrong and need to fix something, and then they give you a chance to fix it.

I've spent many years cultivating my independence and inner strength only to find that when it all came apart, I needed people around me to help me pick up the pieces. This time I not only want the help to do the picking up, I want the whole work to be made by those who would be my helpers. Each one of them personally constructing the pieces with their hands and their hearts. I find myself, in turn, leaving pieces of myself in the constructs of others' lives, an act which binds my heart to them in ways that an unfettered soul never knows.

And you, those of you who came here and read for the last thirty days, and the weeks and years before that, those of you who will return again and again in the weeks and years to come, you too, build me up in ways that are better and more beautiful than I could ever be alone. So I say thank you.  It's been a great month for me here at Deepening Years. I hope you've found some treasures too.  Tomorrow is  the last day of 31 days of change. I am changed, and so many of you reading these words have your mark on my heart.

Simply Living: Day 29: Simply Flawed

I missed my simply living post yesterday. I thought about it, but I didn't do it. I thought about back posting for it this morning but then I had to drive out to our old house and try to retrieve the birthday presents I bought for my daughter that I accidentally had shipped out there. They weren't on the porch, which meant we had to get in touch with our old landlord (who lives right next door and who went a little crazy when we moved) to see if he had them. He apparently doesn't want to see my face since his response was "I'll set them on the front porch, and you can get them"  (keep in mind when my husband called him, I was literally 30 seconds away in the next driveway.) That whole situation is going to baffle me forever.

When I finally got back home I decided that no, I wasn't going to worry about one dropped day in a month of days. In fact, I am going to expound on it.  You see, it's easy to visit a blog, especially a blog whose sole subject has been self improvement this month, and walk away thinking "Wow, this person has it all together!"  I look fine on paper.  In real life, I don't, at all, have it all together. Case in point: today's little field trip to the old abode. So I thought maybe we would all feel a bit better if I showcased a few of my flaws, just to gain a little balance.

• I'm a piler. I make piles of clothes instead of putting them away. I am constantly fighting piles by my bed (of books, notebooks, papers, pens because I like to sit on my bed and read and write)
• My car - it's a wreck. I have not cleaned it at all since we moved when I treated it like a combination dump truck and U-haul.  We won't even discuss the last time soap and water touched it.
• I'm not happy that the Cardinals won the World Series, not because I really even care about baseball, but because someone who hurt us deeply in the past loves them.
• Some days I have to grit my teeth to not just yell at my kids "Could you just back up and give me some breathing space and silence for six to eight hours for THE LOVE OF PETE!"
• I spend too much money on books for my Kindle
• I really, really struggle with following through to end of things (My friend Megan calls herself a professional quitter-- I relate)
• I made biscuits the other night that were so awful we threw every last one in the trash. I don't even know what I did to mess them up!
• I burn bridges - quickly and without regret.  This can be very healthy, but it also can lead to some hurt feelings on the part of others and lack of mercy and grace on the part of myself.
• I'm a recovering perfectionist.  I still battle it daily.
• I can be very stand-offish in situations where I am not comfortable. Emotional distance is a like a safety buffer.
• Sometimes, my mouth is so not in anyway edifying (or even fit for public consumption)

So you see, there really is a lot of room for improvement. I realize I will always have flaws, and no sooner will I conquer these than a whole new set of problems will arise to the surface for me to work on. We are all works in progress, but I like it much better when I know a group of friends is working right along side me despite my many flaws.

I moved my desk so I can see the lake out of all the windows. Happiness.

7 Quick Takes:: Edition 16

1. I debated whether or not to do a quick takes post today, but it is Friday and since I have been posting on a particular subject ( Simply Living for 31 Days of Change ) I don't always share what's going around this crazy place so I thought I would go ahead and do one. If you read it all is up to you.  *grins*  Incidentally, I am planning to create another theme for November through thanksgiving and a theme for Advent so that I have a reason to post daily. I don't want to get back out of the groove.
2. I've decided if I am going to be writing more at the computer ( and I am ) that I want to move my desk to a window that looks out on the lake. Right now it looks at...the wall.  Not very exciting. I will be considering how to facilitate that move today.  
3. This week has been a strange, odd, off-kilter, spiritually heavy week.  Even Hunky and I had a small fall-out, and that doesn't happen. Satan has been up in our junk all over the place and that's after the humanness of humanity has worn us down.  On top of that, our lead pastor is on a very well deserved vacation so Hunky isn't getting his day off today, but we did sneak in a little pancake date at IHOP before the girls got up today.  Weeks like this are difficult, but it's been interesting to me to look back over it and note the growth in response and reaction. Sometimes I think I might actually be growing up a little. About the time I start to consistently get things right should be right about the time I kick the bucket. 
4. I know that I have lived in a small town long enough to soak in the culture when I simply can't let this blog go by without mentioning that the new Kroger opened in town! I don't know if you have ever been inside one of Kroger's deluxe stores, but oh. my. stars it is crazy nice in there (And after shopping at the very dirty and disgusting Milledgeville Walmart for two years, I am a bit starved for a decent grocery store). It's also literally about a mile and a half from the house. If I plan my week right, some weeks I never even have to leave Log Cabin Rd.  A homebody like me can get behind that kind of convenience. Hunky has done the shopping for so long, it may be a struggle to get him to let me go more than once a month, but I may fight a little harder now when it comes to shopping time.
5. It's been a week since I stepped away from facebook.  I must really mean it in my mind because I actually do not miss it. Before I've taken breaks and thought about it and wondered what was going on and snuck peeks in, but this time...I just don't miss it.  I do hate that there are some people that can't seem to find another way to regularly interact with them, but I am going to find a way. It may even involve real words on real paper in the real mail. THERE is a novel concept!
6. We live within a stones throw of the tiny local airport (no literally, I can walk the 500 ft to the end of my street and watch small planes take off.  It's probably not as cool as I think it is, but I think it's uber-cool)  One of the planes that regularly flies from there is a little barnstormer that flies out over the lake and does tricks. Every evening that I have managed to be outside this week, he is there. Twirling and flying upside down, and --this one makes my heart stop every time--flying straight up and then slowly coming to a moment where he hangs...still...then the plane falls to the right or left and he zooooooooooooooms down towards the water, or occasionally, disconcertingly, my roof.  It makes my heart pound to watch him.  I love that a few times a week we get a free airshow while we enjoy the sunset over the lake. It's just one more reason to remember that I am God's favorite.
7. My girls are attending a 70's costume party Sunday night. We went out to Goodwill in the next town over - because it's enormous - and found some great outfits for the girls. They are so hilarious in their excitement discussing hair styles and make up and other things that aren't normally such a big part of our everyday conversations. They all get to wear tall platform shoes so they have been practicing walking in those...the whole thing is highly amusing to me. I'm pretty excited about helping to do their hair and seeing the finished product. They are certain they will win the contest. I hope they do!

Simply Living: Day 27: Simple Gestures

**true confession I started this yesterday, the 27th, but didn't post it until today, the 28th**

I received a wonderful gift today (actually I received innumerable wonderful gifts, but this is the one that brought all the others into focus.) The gift is a thermal coffee cup, meant for travel and such, and on the outside is a little collage pattern that says "Pastor's wife." It's cute and sweet, and came at the perfect time, right at the point where "We see your sacrifice and we love you for it" was a literal balm to my heart.

It made me think about all the times someone stopped to take the extra two minutes to look me in the eye and listen, to smile, to let me into traffic when there wasn't a break for miles, to let me check out ahead of them when I had two items and they had fifty.  Sometimes those moments are the difference between a good day and just climbing back into bed.

I won't lie and say I don't like a big production (anyone who has ever lived the month leading up to my birthday knows that isn't true), but I really believe that it's the little things that make the most difference, that lead to lasting change in this world.  Now that I am not always rushing around with agendas and schedules to meet, I want to make sure I don't miss the chances to make those little gestures every chance I get.  Change agents don't just see the big opportunities, they see the small ones too, and act on them right then.

Simply Living: Day 26: Simply the Next Thing

In case you were wondering, I like to know what's next.  I am slowly learning to let go of my need to plan, control, list and expect, but it isn't always easy and it isn't always fun. Believe it or not, we are just under a week from the end of 31 days of change and I am already planning what I want to do with the next 31 days, because having the plan makes it easier to come back every day and write. Having my writing voice back fits like a comfy warm hoodie that you sometimes put on in the summer just because it feels so good on your skin. I don't want to lose that voice so I made a plan.


But as I mentioned the other day, there are not many things in this world over which I can exert control which means that planning is frustrating process. If  you could hear my internal dialogue it would go like this:

"So, what's next?"

"I don't know. I wish I knew. Then I could make a plan."

"OOOOOOO! I love a plan! Let's make a plan!"

"We can't make a plan. We don't know what's next."

"We could make a list. A list of plans. Plans for every possibility."

"Do you think we have that much paper?"

"Yes"

"WOOHOOO let's make a plan! I am sure we won't be frustrated when things don't work out!"

I think you can probably see where this is going.  Most days, what's coming next looks like this to me:

my lake shortly after dawn this morning

I can't plan in this. I can only wait. I am not a good waiter. I can try to read the shifting patterns of mist on the water. I can try to mentally coax the sun to rise above the fog.  But I simply can't see clearly. This is when faith kicks in, because my personality tells me to keep watching, keep waiting, keep trying to discern that pattern and direction of the shifting earthbound clouds.

But there's this nagging little thing I like to call "real life."

It has responsibilities, children, appointments, schedules...things that don't go away even if  you don't have a grand plan.  Grand plans are nice. They come with fanfare and ribbons.  Sometimes there's confetti. Grand plans get a lot of recognition. What doesn't come with any glamour is "the next thing". The next thing is always there, like the sock whose toe barely sticks out from under the corner of the bed. You step over it for a week before you finally put it in the hamper.  It creeps around like dust on the baseboards.  It doesn't go away, and it isn't very exciting.

It does, however, have one very good trick.  It multiplies. The next thing always spawns the next thing until eventually you've strung your life like rosary beads, each one a sacred familiar prayer.  Familiar patterns emerge with out plan or fanfare creating order, maintaining peace, occupying space in life and in the mind until suddenly, you realize the mist has cleared

my lake after lunch today

Sometimes waiting brings a clearer picture than any plan you could have formulated, even if you had all the paper in the world to list the possibilities.

Simply Living: Day 25: Simply Fun

I was going to post today about hard work.  I read this fabulous quote and it spurred a whole line of thoughts about how very hard I have worked this month in conjunction with writing these posts, and how worth it already is to have put in this effort, because the fruit is apparent. This is a lifestyle change that is going to stick, and I am excited about it.

However, instead today I took my children to their science class at Lockerly Arboretum and wandered with the camera. I don't fancy myself to be a photographer, but I aspire to be. I went out on a creative date and took pictures of whatever struck my fancy. The light was amazing, though I failed to capture it as well as I hoped. I threw away as many pictures as I kept, but I had fun.  I think I am going to take myself on a creative date more often. I like hanging out with me. It's been too long since I said that.

                                     

Simply Living: day 24: Simply Choices

The last two days have been strangely off kilter.  Circumstances, emotions, events all of them seem to have joined together into a little conspiracy designed to throw me off my game plan and into a complete tailspin. I've been frustrated more than once, shocked, saddened and even flipped off.  Today I am pretty sure every portion of our school plans and curriculum and even technology plotted against me.  I even made really, really horrible biscuits with dinner.  We threw them out; good thing the soup tasted amazing.

All through out the last two days I kept repeating to myself something that I have been living and learning these past few months: "I have a choice how I respond to this situation."

I think this has been one of the most wonderful revelations in myself this past year. I know it's not a profound discovery, in fact, I'm probably coming to it later in life than most. But the fact remains. I have a choice how I respond. I am not a slave to whatever knee jerk emotion comes racing to the surface. I get to choose whether that's the way I want to feel, the words I want to say, the way I want the rest of the day to flow.

Today I did choose...school happened, and we were none the worse for the things that didn't work, print, or appear that will just be handled tomorrow.  I invited a friend over to dinner, and we laughed and lamented the horrible biscuits and ate grapes with our soup instead. We now have a secret code for when we really want to cause each other emotional trauma. We just threaten to make biscuits.  I chose to enjoy the gorgeous afternoon sun. The trees on the island are putting on their fall finery and reflecting in a million beautiful colors off the water.  I chose the small victory of cleaning out my desk drawers, listening to some of my favorite music followed by a nap when I knew that big projects and my energy level weren't compatible today. I chose grace for myself and grace for my children. I chose yes instead of no.  I chose to find the joy instead of being stuck in irritation.  I chose to allow Fruit to well out of my heart instead of bitterness.

(to be fair I also chose to haul off and kick the dog that attacked and bit my dog, who was leashed and on the street, on our walk, BUT I did NOT choose to return the bird his nasty owner sent us when she screamed by us in her car later )

I. get. to. choose.

Everyday I am surrounded by people and events over which I haven't one iota of control. The only control I have is over my own choices. I don't want to waste my time choosing the cynical or the ugly. I don't want my attitude to be one of self-pity or defeat.  I don't want to miss the beauty because I couldn't lift my eyes up past my own selfishness.

I get to choose.
We all get to choose.
What choices are you making?

( I enjoyed this post at Ragamuffin Soul today: Your Cynicism is fixing Nothing. Seems he's doing some choosing himself)

Simply Living: Day 23: Simply Learning

I almost didn't go this route with my writing today because it seems as though this is the post that should come at the end. At the same time, it kind of intrigues me to write it now with just barely over a week to go, because I can't wait to see what else gets revealed in the last days of this adventure. To begin with, I have circled around this concept of less for some years without ever really doing anything about it whole-heartedly.  I was very convicted when I moved that I had preached more than I practiced, and then this lovely little project fell right in my lap. Without further ado, I leaped.

I honestly didn't know what to expect when I began. I'd read some blogs and picked up a few e-books. I had some concepts in mind.  I have no doubt that divine intervention has certainly guided many of my choices and changes. This is a permanent lifestyle change, and I am barely better than the merest infant on the journey, but I want to share what the last ten days of absolute schedule chaos have  shown me about this way of life.

• My schedule can be the most off-routine, non-stop, out of whack kind, and my home can still be an absolute oasis, and I barely have to work to maintain it.
• I am happier, more relaxed and more spontaneous when piles of things aren't lurking in the closets and dust bunnies aren't lurking under the furniture (sometimes there are still clean laundry beasts hanging out in the dryer. I am a work in progress)
• I can have anyone over any time for any reason without stress, strain or struggle. That makes me very happy.
• Stripping away the urgent and clutter exposes my true priorities so glaringly that I wonder how I ever missed them before.
• Not constantly feeling buried and behind has to be one of the most freeing things I have ever experienced.
• For the first time in...well...as long as I can remember I asked myself  "What will I do with this (period of time) - not because I was ignoring things that needed doing, but because I actually had time to play with.
• Cultural lies are insidious and devastating - neither family, personal nor financial health have any place in society's purview. I'm off the carousel. It goes no where.
• I can actually be fashionable.
• I am excited when I get up in the morning about what the day will bring

I could stop today and feel like the last three weeks were beautiful and bountiful and worth the effort, but instead I am accountable for at least one more week...and after that, well, with benefits like these, who in their right mind would stop learning before she'd squeezed out every last drop.

Simply Living: Day 22: Simply Reading (aka Read-a-thon posts found here)

Today is the day! It's time for Dewey's Read-a-thon!!! Basically for me this means that today I will read, and blog, and read some more, and blog, and change locations and read and blog, and go for a short walk and read and blog, and read and read and blog and blog, and read, and blog and read...oh and blog.
I won't be going the full twenty four hours because I have responsibilities that grown-ups and pastor's wives have tomorrow and I can't be a walking zombie, but I will get as many hours of reading in as I can before say 11pm or midnight or so tonight. That's a good sixteen hours right there!
I decided rather than making a bazillion different entries for today I would just keep it all right here.  The most current update will be at the top under the button. If you come here later and want to read from the beginning, go to the bottom and scroll up.  I'll be around about every two hours for an update (last time I did this, I went every hour and it was too much, it interrupted my reading too much. So without further ado:

10PM 

Good Heavens! I finally finished A Little History of the World!   I need to take out my contacts and grab a snack and find some fluff to read for a bit. That was one looooong book!

8PM

I'm kind of tired of sitting around reading. I picked two books that are proving long to get through and  that's a bit disheartening. I am within just over an hour of finishing A Little History of the World, and I am determined to do it. I'm not checking back in until I do.  I'd like to start The Knife of letting go tonight. I don't expect to finish any more books after the history book...but SO HELP ME I WILL FINISH THAT ONE! And I will do it by 10pm.

6PM 

I read less this hour than any other hour. I think I just needed a little break and to look at something other than words.  Instead I talked to my very attractive hubby (so pleasant on the eyes, he is).  Took a showers and cleaned my bathroom a bit. We are hosting our life group here tomorrow so there is a small amount of housework that goes with that, less now that I have spent the month simplifying. It won't take more than 5 or 10 minutes an hour from now until I go to bed to be ready. My girls are exhausted from a sleepover and asking for dinner, which tonight I do not have planned. I'll need to figure that out.  All that said, I did read a book in this block.  I whizzed through Miss Minimalist: Inspiration to Downsize this hour.  It's a short collection of articles and essays she's written about minimalism, some of it about the philosophy behind it, and a great deal of it some very pratical how-to's.  It's only .99 for Kindle (or any Kindle app) so if you're at all curious about the concept, I do recommend it. And now, back to the entire history of the world while I think about what to feed my really, really tired children.

4PM 

A couple things: first of all, it takes longer to read a history of the world than you would think, even if it is a little one.  I am up to the middle ages from the beginning on time (heh- that makes me laugh!).  I am determined to finish this book today for two reasons 1) it's a library book and it's due. 2) I'm really enjoying it. It's certainly not detailed but it does do a nice job of putting pieces together. Since I am discovering a rather latent love of history, and discovering that I learned nothing of value about it while I was in school, I like finding where the "random" pieces and people fit. I recommend it, even if it was originally written for children.

To sum up: 

Currently Reading: A Little History of the World and Choosing Simplicity

Finished: Buried Prey and A Simple Guide to a Minimalist Life

I need to take a shower and NOT read for a bit and then I need a break from history. I am going to look for something a bit shorter to tackle for a bit.

2 PM 

I decided to go with Choosing Simplicity during lunch and read a few chapters of that. Then I got up, came into the office and wiped out all of Leo Babauta's The Simple Guide to a Minimalist Life (if you are just coming here for the read-a-thon, I have been blogging the entire month on Living Simply so this went right along with that).  I'm trying to decide if I should go back to Choosing Simplicity or spend the next two hours reading the Little History of the World (linked below). I think I could finish it in two hours.  I also have The Knife of Never Letting Go to read. I have heard that it's quite good and my girls have expressed interest so I want to give it a preview before they do. It might be better to save that for later when I am sleepy and need something to really grab my attention.  I'm also contemplating a shower and a walk.  And I'm about to move this party back outside.

12 PM

PUPPIES! I "suffered" a 30 minute distractions when my wonderful friend, Christie brought her sweet puppies over to show off. I am very much in love with King Cavalier spaniels and her puppies are always so adorable.  The girls returned from their sleepover next door at Miss Tish's and I relocated from inside to outside in the delicious sunshine. I think after lunch I will set up the hammock.  I did finish my first book - Buried Prey by John Sandford weighing in at 390 pages ( I was 80 pages in when the read-a-thon started).  I haven't decided if I will go with my E-book next or on to A Little History of the World which is a book I am considering for school. Or I could go with Choosing Simplicity which is a bit of an easier pick up, put down read and might be better for my lunch hour. 

10:00 AM

I am still reading the Sanford book Buried Prey. I'm hoping to finish it around 11AM and then I am going to sit for a bit and read Leo Babauta's "Simply guide to a Minimalist Life" That's not a long book so I don't expect it to take more than an hour or so to read through. I'm also very much looking forward to some pizza leftovers for lunch.

The Officially Dewey Read-a-thon blog (linked above) asks us to answer a few questions for those who are stopping by:

1)Where are you reading from today? Milledgeville, Ga. No. I bet you have never heard of it.

2)Three random facts about me…

 I live smack dab on a lake and plan to spend most of my day overlooking it whilst I read

 I literally cannot remember a time in my life when I wasn't able to read and didn't love reading

 This is only my second time participating in the read-a-thon

3)How many books do you have in your TBR pile for the next 24 hours?

 Roughly 4-6. I don't think I will finish them all...but maybe.....

4)Do you have any goals for the read-a-thon (i.e. number of books, number of pages, number of hours, or number of comments on blogs)? I hope to participate at least sixteen hours, update my own blog 8 times and visit 40 other readers

5)If you’re a veteran read-a-thoner, any advice for people doing this for the first time? I am not a veteran but my advice is JUST KEEP READING! and have some good snacks.

8:00 AM

We are starting this morning with a cup of coffee and the John Sandford book that I started yesterday.  I love his Lucas Davenport series and this is the latest installment. I am about one hundred pages in already and have about three hundred more to go. I hope to finish this book today so it can be returned to the library. See you around 10 am!

Simply Living: Day 21: Simply Distracted (part 2)

Yesterday I blogged about the problem of the internet being a distraction.  I even went so far as to confess that it is absolutely the number one time waster I employ (I am well aware that there are as many ways to waste time as there are people who waste it).

Before I sat down to write this I thought for a long while about what I was going to say, and I suddenly found my mental blogging turning this post into a book review for The Shallows: what the Internet is doing to our Brains which isn't really what I wanted for this particular blog, so I will simply say this: I found the book to be both compelling and fascinating, and I encourage you very much to read it.  I minored in psychology (amongst other things)  in college and the explanations of how the internet changes our neural pathways and memory making capacity was simply astounding. And convicting. Convicting enough that I am taking some small changes I was implementing and deciding to take further steps. Read it.

It took some time but I had to determine what it really was that I wanted from my time online:

•  access to relevant information, especially in regards to home school
• communication with friends who I do not often see face to face
• reading blogs of people with similar interests
• Current news (we have no television )

These are the four things I really want from the internet, but they are not the things on which I was spending the most time, or even much time at all. Clearly, some behavioral alignment needed to be made.

These are the changes I have implemented, or am in the process of implementing:

• When I am online, I have only one or two relevant windows open at a time rather than clicking back and forth from window to window inundating myself with information and social media ( technological multi-tasking) I am focusing on one thing at a time.  This helps me write blogs faster and more concisely. It helps me give full attention to email conversations. It helps me concentrate if I am reading blogs. No more jumping around.
• I drastically reduced my RSS feeds. I got rid of blogs that haven't updated in six months or more. Blogs with shallow content (lists, memes, Daily diary entries).  I kept blogs of personal friends and blogs who cover topics relevant to me (currently my list are minimalism and Compassion writing heavy, but these are areas of focus for me right now)
• I plan the girls school and make sure everything is printed at the beginning of the week. No more falling prey to catching up on Facebook while this assignment prints and then getting around to the assignment 30 minutes later.
• I am in the process of deleting facebook altogether. For me, this is necessary. It's okay if you don't. This is my list, and I have to. I am still on Google plus, but for right now Google plus is slower, more private and way more simple in its lay out and function (the amount of media distraction per page is a problem for me, Google has very little of that)
• This week I will be working on implementing scheduled computer times--which won't be in the morning or during school hours.

As I said before, I think the internet is a great tool, but I want it to be just that..a tool.  Meaning I want to work effectively for me and not me acting slavishly for it.  I want my life to be focused on the things that matter to me, not simply crammed in between times I waste mindlessly surfing and drifting. We all have a certain number of hours everyday. I've lost too many of mine. I'm not wasting any more.

7 Quick Takes (Edition 15)

1. The last seven days have been super crazy in many wonderful ways, crazy busy, crazy no-regular-schedule because of wonderful house guests, crazy weather, crazy arrival of the new worship leader so now my Hunky can slowly go back to doing just his job instead of two people's jobs. Crazy, crazy, Crazy. So I declared today and tomorrow my days off...no school, no cleaning, no anything I don't want to do. I'm all selfish like that.

2. Tomorrow I am also participating in Dewey's Read-a-thon!

I certainly won't make it twenty-four hours, but it will be good to sit around and read and blog all day. Who turns down an opportunity to do that?

3. The weather is once again gloriously, deliciously cool and fallish. I have given up any hope of swimming again this season (sadness) but last night the twilight came early and I lit the twinkly fairy light (which now light up the whole sunroom) and the candles and snuggled down into my sweatshirt and remembered all the reasons I am madly in love with fall. Now we just need firewood for the fire pit.

4. Tonight the children are having a sleepover with the fabulous Miss Tish which means DATE NIGHT WITH HUNKY! I don't think we've had any time alone really since we hit the ground running after vacation. I don't even know for sure what we are going to do (or if we are just staying here and laying like broccoli--I could do that too with no complaints). Either way, I'm totally ecstatic.

5. I have been a very good girl this week as me and Sara-bo-Beara (when she texts and calls, that is exactly what pops up on my phone) have been working through the artists way.  Though my confession is that I am totally sitting here writing this blog without having done my morning pages yet. REBELLIOUS! Those are totally coming up next. I won't be posting them.

6. This week I bought myself a totally awesome and happy making khaki dress jacket (like the kind you wear over something in layers not the protect you from the weather kind of jacket) and also a very cool bracelet and necklace. This is not necessarily in character for me, but The Artists Way told me to take myself out on a date, and Hayley at The Tiny Twig has been teaching me about a versatile wardrobe these past twenty days (and for the next 10 as well) and I need a few items to complete my 333 wardrobe through the holidays.  I'm pretty stoked about the whole thing.

7. I found out this week that we are staying in town this year for Thanksgiving. I'm kind of excited about the prospect of a just us holiday.  I'm also pondering ways to make the time fun and maybe not-so-traditional. Don't worry hunky, there will be sausage stuffing no matter what. We don't often get a string of days where there won't be much (or hopefully anything) required of us professionally or socially. So it has the potential for some great family time. I also am trying to not think about Christmas while actually thinking about Christmas. I always feel very rushed by early December. I must start now to try and curb that a little bit. And don't tell the kiddos, but while my mom was here we ordered them Kindles for Christmas from her. I'm geeked FOR them! WOOT WOOT!

Simply Living: Day 20: Simply Distracted (Pt. 1)

It is a bit of a conundrum to make a post about the distractions of the internet when writing and publishing something on the internet, but recently it's really come to the forefront of my mind how much time I am not using effectively.  Before I say anything else, let me make very clear, I do not think the internet is evil. In fact, I think the internet serves its purpose of sharing and disseminating information and providing connections for people to information better than anything else we have ever known in this world. I think it can be an amazing tool.

I think that my problem is that I seldom use it as an amazing tool. I more often use it as a means to turn of my brain and mindlessly allow words, ideas and information to assault my thoughts as a sort of thought numbing stimulant.

I'll be completely transparent here and say that for me, internet use is the number one distraction in my life.

For a long time it's bothered me, but not to the point of doing anything to actually change my behaviors or my dependence on it, but recently, I realized how little I write any more. My reading was declining; my life was disorganized.  I decided that if I immersed myself in one more second of "life" in "real time" that my brain might actually cease to function at all as it once did.  After reading The Shallows: What the internet is doing to our brains, I realized that I was not far wrong.

Among other problems prolonged internet surfing can cause,  is the breakdown of ability to concentrate single mindedly for a period of time. Once the brain becomes used to distractions, it expects them and will send impulses for you to find some distractions to entertain it. Sustained concentration, even long enough to read a short article or blog, becomes less likely online and as the brain is a living organ that literally rewrites the way it works based on input and behaviors, this loss of focus and concentration begins to carry over into "real life."

My attention span shortened. My interactions became more superficial (best if I could limit them to 140 characters). My writing became sparse and choppy.  If I couldn't receive information in a concise byte then I wasn't interested. Slowly but surely, and certainly not consciously, everything became about how efficiently I could get what I wanted so I could move on to the next thing.

I really, really didn't like that about myself.

• I missed my brain doing its slow work like mulling, pondering, and contemplating
• I missed being lost in a daydream, watching the clouds drift, standing outside and breathing deeply for no other reason than the sheer pleasure of it
• I missed taking the time to finish a job the first time no matter how long it took without wondering what I might be missing.
• I missed being able to unitask instead of multitask
• I was tired of my children having to wait while "I just check one more thing"

None of these characteristics are who I want to be or what I want my life to be remembered as. So, I began to make some slow, deliberate changes. You'll want to come back tomorrow for those.

Simply Living: Day 19: Simply Reality

 Can I be honest for a moment? This week, I've been winging it. I started out the month strong and with a plan. The first two weeks flew by easy peasy! Then we had a surprise visit from my Mom (no this is not me complaining, at all. It is me acknowledging a sudden gear shift), and this week I never managed to formulate the rest of the plan and most nights I sit here and write the first thing that comes to mind the very last thing before I go to bed. No doubt, you've noticed.

Tonight there were twelve babies in the nursery at church. Besides wanting to take them all home, my brain now feels like jello.  I am always amused that when I say I want to make X change for Y result, God will always send instead Y-squared to ensure that yes, indeed, I really meant I want to make that change. The answer is YES! I DO! But I really would like to have a chance to make a blog plan before that.

What has happened is that this week I have determined that this simple style absolutely does make dropping everything and picking it back up again four days later is absolutely doable with a small amount of maintenance. That alone makes the whole experiment worth it.  I am anxious to see how it changes during a bit more routine series of weeks. Maybe that will happen after Christmas....

...and then sometimes you have more to say but your Mom realizes that she left her debit card at the restaurant downtown where you ate lunch and you have to drive downtown tonight to go get it because she is leaving in the morning. These are the curveballs life can send at you.

Tomorrow, tomorrow, better blogging, with vision (and fewer curveballs)

Simply Living: Day 18: Simply Tired

Life has been more than busy since last Saturday. Even though some busy is the most wonderful, laughter filled, productive, enjoyable kind of busy eventually, it catches up with you. That time is now for me. We have had days of friends and laughter and family and fun things and long walks and dogs, and sweet brown eyed boys and lunch with new friends and boat rides. Everyday I climb in bed, way too late, and think about how blessed I am, then I set my alarm for very early so I can steal a few hours for myself before the kids and family and friends all begin again.

It's a good way to live. I am not complaining. At all.

But tonight is the night that my body reminds me that if there is one way I am still not taking care of it, its the area of enough sleep. Truly healthy people need 7-9 hours of sleep a night --don't say not me, yes you. You need at least 7 hours of sleep. You may be regularly getting less, like I am, but it's showing itself in other little ways in your mental and physical performance for every hour you short yourself.  I tend to fall in the seven hours is enough range. But I haven't been getting that lately, either.
I could blame many things: busy schedule, getting some Hunky time after the kids are in bed, reading in bed (hey it's not sleep but it's like sleep, right? WRONG), finishing up house work, writing a 31 days blog..all of these things are culprits and none of them are evil, but they are robbing me of enjoyment during my day because I am combating the lingering effects of sleep shortage now several days running.

So tonight, it's 10:04 and after a fairly (oh let's face it, utterly) uninteresting blog I am off to do the best thing I could possibly do for myself tonight.

Sleep.
Tomorrow may be simply wonderful again. I want to be fully awake for it.

Simply Living: Day 17: Simply Silent

There was a time, a few years ago, when silence was forced upon me. I've never been one to walk away quietly (shocker, I know), but sometimes God will close your mouth for you if you don't close it yourself.  Even after that there were a few times that I again spoke without thinking, without concern, with only my self and my needs in mind.  Fortunately we were at a place in life then that we were given a great deal more grace and a whole lot of gentle, firm instruction.

This is a good thing. Bull-headed, big mouth people like me need it.

It's only taken 38.5 years but I am beginning to learn that sometimes, life is a lot simpler when you are simply silent.

This has been, still is, a hard lesson for me.  I want to BE right and I want people to know I am right.  Anything less is to look the fool.
I want to be heard.  I want my message to be the loudest, boldest, most  memorable thing in people's minds for many days to come.

But you see, that...that's all about me (yes, yes, I do see the irony of saying that in a blog where everything I write is all about me--heh, but I digress. Back to me.)

Sometimes I am going to look the fool - probably in about five minutes.
Some days I am going to be misunderstood, misquoted, misheard.
Some people have already formed unchanging opinions about who I am and what I think.

Yelling louder isn't going to change that. It's going to wear me out, steal my peace, tarnish my joy and harden my heart.

I'm done fighting, yelling and convincing. This is me. Sometimes I'm not just wrong, I'm big-ugly wrong.  Sometimes I still say hurtful things without thinking. Sometimes I really am that much of a jerk.

But mostly, I'm just searching to find the greatest joy imaginable by seeking to make more of the Most High God.  There is nothing about me to be amplified, only traits of His to be magnified.  Rather than shouts of self-defense, there should be songs of praise.

If I can't praise, then I should be silent and let the rocks do my job.

Life becomes more simple when I stop being so all fired defensive and learn to just be silent and praise my King. He's worthy.  I am nothing. And yet He fights for me, when I am still.

Simply Living: Day 16: Simply Sunday

It's been a long Sunday and tonight I find myself at somewhat of a loss.  Seventeen hours, two services, one book group meeting and five kids under five for three hours and  the arrival of your Mom for a few days stay will fill your day rather completely, and leave you with few inspirations to work with on the blog.
I know many people call Sunday a day of rest but for us, it isn't, and it won't be (We take our Sabbath on Fridays), but I have to say where before Sundays like this wore. me. flat. out, I actually find myself tired but still filled at the end of this day.  We also open our home every other Sunday to host a small life group. Six couples and twelve kids eat, play, laugh, hang out and share together for a few hours. This too, no longer overwhelms me. I can credit many things with the difference in my attitude, but I think most of all is the fact that any more, I feel unencumbered. There is nothing that needs cleaning, organizing, straightening or hiding to the point that we can't let our community spill in and out of our home any day and for many reasons. I used to think that this sort of lifestyle would never fit comfortably on this introverted frame, but instead I am finding that peace can be influenced as much from without as within.

Eight children and seven adults rolled in, rolled out, stayed, chatted, played webkinz, played lion king, had dinner, had a pajama parade and brought in luggage and I still look around and see only peace, peace that wasn't difficult to start out with or maintain.  As I stopped and took the time to watch a giant orange moon rise over the island and reflect off the water, as I caught a quick glimpse of two falling stars, I realized...some journeys take you farther than you thought to hope for. This journey is one.

Simply Living: Day 15: Intermission

Intermission:
1. A interval between the acts of a play or parts of a public performance that allows the actors and audience to rest
2. A period during which action temporarily ceases

We are halfway through 31 Days of Simply Living. Time for Intermission, because that is what simply living is about.

Saturday Review (Ed 4)

Several weeks ago I implemented a Saturday review here on my blog. (You can read all of them here, as you see there are only four so far). Last week I made it part of the 31 days, but this week I will be making my 31 day entry separately. It will, of course, have the lovely button you are accustomed to seeing.

I've also decided to add a highlights section for the week. Just because that appeals to me.

Highlights:

• A blustery, gusty, gorgeous run on Monday
• A refreshing coffee and a book date with the lovely Jacy on Wednesday (I got a small free salted caramel latte to wrap up the great date)
• The fabulous trip to the zoo with some of my favorite people ending with a gorgeous rainbow on Thursday
• Sabbath (albeit a rather puttery Sabbath) on Friday

School was did; life was lived; stuff was purged; books were completed; communication was shared; breakthroughs were made. The good and the hard came together and made for a lovely (though quite rainy) week.

What went wrong:

 I let the rain interfere with my exercising. There ARE things I can do inside, I just don't love doing them. I also distract myself from doing the work of exercising by convincing myself that the work of purging is more important. It IS important, but not more important than taking care of myself. I must remember that the run is when my mind empties and my thoughts clear. God speaks on the run.

What went right:

• Morning and evening routines are going well. They get one more week on the list here and then they are counted as habits and we move on to the next thing.
• still blogging away for 31 days of change. Kind of proud of myself
• finished a few books. Always happy about that.
• Worked through Unclutter Your Life in One Week. My honest thoughts are, it's a lot for one week. A whole lot. I want to work through it again and hit the parts I just didn't have time for this time, but that said, there is a phenomenal amount of ideas, tips and solutions in the book. I purchased it for Kindle earlier this summer and to me, it's well worth the $8 to have as a reference
• Trying out the 333 project in my closet
• Finally got a little decorating in my bathroom done

What I Hope to Accomplish Next Week:

• I picked up The Artists Way from the library and am planning on working on it with my lovely friend Sayruh. I'm already doing morning pages anyway so it seemed like a good next step
• I must must must finish the book The Shallows so it can be returned to the library and because it's on the agenda to be part of a blog this week. Very interesting and convicting read.
• Keep the housework routine running smoothly. My Mom will be in town so there won't be a lot of extra projects going on.

Simple Living: Day 14: A Hodge Podge of Thoughts

I have many thoughts today. Some may be expounded upon more later (we do have 17 more days of exploring this way of life) but I all bears at least touching on today.
I didn't do much out of Unclutter your Life in One Week today.  It covered mental topics more than physical decluttering -- scheduling, routines, calendars, productivity.  While I am not great about calendars and scheduling, when I am disciplined and stick to it, I do a pretty effective job. My method doesn't lack even though my motivation often does.


In fact, earlier this week, I made up this little guy:

This would be a dry erase Daily Docket as found at Simple Mom. I am horrible at remembering to print them, and I also have paper waste guilt so this is my solution. What you see written here is done in Sharpie so it does not erase. Each day I can fill it in with dry erase markers. I'm pretty excited about getting regular use out of it. 

I've been really enjoying my daily reading of minimalist blogs and e-books. Today I ran across this:

This is Miss Minimalist's Bedroom

I do appreciate the clean simple beauty of the all white and clean lines, but as I looked at it, I realized this is not me. And it's not ever going to be me. That is part of the beauty of this journey.  I'm enjoying discovering what does matter. What is me, and  how I best express that.  I am really enjoying reading what works for other people on the same journey but what I am enjoying most of all is the overarching message from all of them that what it's really about is narrowing my focus to what matters to me as an individual and within my family and making that work in the best possible way for me and us. (If you missed my blog with helpful links to some of what I am reading, you can click right here )

I read one of the most fabulously, ridiculously simple explanations of how to pursue change I have ever read today. It isn't that I don't already know and apply the principles, it's that it's broken down so very succinctly and encouragingly that I had to share it here as well: How I changed my life in four lines

I'm still unpacking all that was wonderful about yesterday.  It was a sort of microcosm of the crazy, silly, loud, slightly chaotic, joyful, awesome, breathtaking, beautiful, occasionally difficult, miraculous changing wonder that is my life. It would have been an ordinary wonderful day until the miracle of the rainbows happened.  As I said there aren't words to possibly share how beautiful the experience was here, but it became something spiritual when my dear friend who is a missionary in Haiti posted a picture at the exact same time:

Rainbow in Georgia

rainbow over Haiti

There's no preparing for this sort of event, there's only the willingness to embrace it when it happens. I'm finding that the more I make the time to narrow my focus to the things that truly matter the more moments I have to embrace.  

7 Quick Takes Friday ( Ed. 14 )

1. I missed writing a quick takes last week because we drove a couple hours over to Newnan to allow the geeks to recharge in each others' company and because I desperately needed Cheri therapy. I have many amazing, wonderful, incredible, beautiful friends, but last week I need a friend whose face I could look into while I spoke, and who wasn't in any way, shape or form related to my church family. God's so awesome that he orchestrated mine and Cheri's broken pieces so that form of support would be there when I needed it.  The fact that he threw in utterly gorgeous weather? That's just because God likes to show off a bit.

2. I wouldn't have thought that two fairly rough weeks in row could both have such a hidden gem of a day in them, but yesterday we went to the Atlanta Zoo with our small friends (and their mom, Windy who is small but whom I don't generally refer to as small friend since she is more my size--which is also small).  Apparently we walked around in a gorgeous weather bubble as all around us it was storming, hailing, tornado-ing, catastrophic winding and all other manner of real life disasters. We ambled through the zoo delighting in every last baby animal. Tigers, pandas, giraffes and joeys were not only visible, they flaunted and frolicked and showed off.  There was also an ice cream stop at one of the world's best Dairy Queens. The deliciousness of my pumpkin pie blizzard was only eclipsed by the utter joy and immersion of one five year old who lived the experience of eating a simple vanilla cone in a way that was almost spiritual. It was awesome.

3. I still haven't done ANY drawing this month. None, but I want to learn to draw birds. I am fascinated by birds.  

4. If you aren't a regular follower you may not know that all this month I have been writing on the theme of Simply Living for 31 days of Change .  There are an amazing number of us ardently seeking to change something in our lives (somewhere over 600 bloggers are participating).  I stretched my normal reading zones and am following some interior decorator blogs and some fashion blogs.  It's been a wonderful experience for me, in what I am writing and learning and in what others are sharing.  You can read all of my Simply Living blogs so far this month at this link

5. I cut bangs into my hair for fall.  I am loving them.  It's not a mind boggling thing to share, but it's making me happy. It's the little things. 

6. This week some of my own demons reared their heads (Hunky got a quadruple portion of demonic nastiness but that's his story to tell, not mine). My impulse to pull in, protect, close off, and shut out yelled loudly and insistently.  Shadows of Florida fell over me and for a tiny bit I let them blot out the light of truth.  But each day God is showing me that I don't have to let the mistakes of my past keep being the mistakes of my present.  I don't have to believe that the actions of others in the past will be rewritten in the present.  And I don't have to expose myself to poisonous situations in an effort to prove either of these things to myself or anyone else. God will fight for me. I need only be still.

7. Today is our sabbath. The sun is shining brilliantly and fall is full ensconced. I feel like clam chowder will be part of our evening and a quick trip to the library will round out a day in which my mind and soul will simply rest. It is good....even thousands of years later it is good.

Simply Living: Day 13: Simply Speechless

I don't have words for today. I'm a wordsmith who loves to find the perfect word to capture the beautiful moments, and today, I cannot find the words.  I don't know how to say that every moment was completely, brilliantly perfect and complete as we passed through it.

I don't know how to convey the magical experience of being part of what makes a small child's perfect day perfect.

I don't know how to share what it felt like to see the most exquisite, perfect rainbow stretch from one side of the earth to the other, only to be reflected back to us from the water lapping at our feet.

I don't know how to explain the prickle of tears and awe when your best friend, while in Haiti, posts an almost identical picture at the same time of an identical rainbow.

I don't know how to share what it is to know, to know without question that every single moment of this magical day was orchestrated just. for. me by the God who holds every piece of the universe together for all time for no other reason than His unfathomable, unfailing, unbelievable love for and delight in me.

If this is grace, I am drowning in it.

What I do know the words for is this: if all the puny work I have ever done and will ever do leads only to this one day of being so utterly covered in love, then it is worth every second.
Today I lived.
Every second, every breath... Alive. Amazed. Awed. Adored.

This...is more than what I hoped for when I began to clear the clutter and find space to live. I never for a moment expected today to be the gift it has been, but because I made time for the gift, it found me.

I don't have words enough.  What I know is that today was God's love letter telling me that yes, making time for Him to show off, and making time for my eyes to behold it, are only a fraction of what's in store for His Beloved.  I don't ever want to miss even a moment. I want to Simply Live.