Biblophilia vs. Minimalism: A Journey

 I think the most interesting response to my recent minimalistic bent, has been that of other bibliophiles to our book purging. I understand that, I do.  Once our last rickety Wal-mart bookcase was down to only half full, I became determined to empty it, to find a home in one of the 2.5 larger, nicer cases we have.  Our books have already been pretty ruthlessly culled, so this time, making space was almost physically painful. In the end there was probably more rearranging than discarding, and yet there is another small pile of books headed to the back of the van where the discard box resides. As I wrestled with the process I truly asked myself, "When was the last time I enjoyed  this book? Have I ever even actually read it? Do I plan to?" Quite often the answer was, no.  Thus, the decision of whether or not to keep the book is accomplished.

I often hear protesters say plaintively, "But books are my friends! I can't get rid of them!"  First of all, books, are inanimate objects. They have no feelings. They are not actually attached to me in any way. Secondly, according to the questions I asked above, if these are my friends, I have a pretty crappy way of treating them.  Sit on my shelves untouched, unread, unnoticed for years, collecting dust, collecting mold, adding no joy or benefit to my life whatsoever.  With friends like this... well, you know the rest. Finally, I actually do have many friends, most of whom I treat better than the books we're discussing here, and not one of them actually lives with me. In fact, we get along better if they are not always up in my space, creating work and quietly brooding. I love to open the doors of my home to guests, but after a day or two it's time for them to consider moving on.

It isn't that I love books less or that I am defecting to some weird book hating cult.  I just think it's time that books and stories took their rightful place in my life...which usually is in my memory or my local library.  I still have three copies of To Kill a Mockingbird and three entire shelves of my Dad's Stephen King hardback library.  Those things weren't even weighed because I know they matter to me.  The few books that I truly do suddenly have an overwhelming urge to read at random pre-dawn hours obsessively are nestled safely on to shelves that can actually accommodate them comfortably and where they can be perused in an aesthetically pleasing manner rather than shifting titles or worse, removing one row to see the row stacked behind it. All my other book needs have been readily met with library holds or Kindle purchases ( don't even start with the "feel of a real book" argument, I'll take freedom from clutter over tactile gluttony any day.)

When we moved to Georgia from Florida, we came with over forty boxes of books.  When we moved houses this past summer, we had narrowed it down to around fifteen or twenty.  We may be down to single digits of boxes at this point, and I honestly couldn't be happier.  If we are truly going to embrace a more mobile lifestyle, than this is just one more step into that freedom.  If life is about embracing what really matters and shedding what holds you down, then I guess I truly found books to be a weighty obligation.  But I've saved the best for last, all the time I no longer spend taking care of my things, including books, means I have so much more guilt free time to read, or enjoy whatever else grabs my fancy.

I call it a fair trade.

O Christmas Tree

Today is the day we put up the Christmas tree. If you follow me on Google plus you may have seen the conversation where the Hunky said that Sunday was too early to put the tree up, but he did take the time to get the tree down from the attic yesterday.  To be completely fair to the Hunky, last year when I found out that the Chinese restaurant that I identified very strongly with my Dad had closed down ten days before Thanksgiving, and I was completely overwhelmed with a need to put up the Christmas tree (I also have so many great memories of my Dad wrapped up with Christmas), he never said a word of complaint.  He isn't anti-Christmas at all, but he believes in everything happening in it's proper place and order. I understand  that and am much the same, with the caveat that I feel like any time is a good time for a Christmas carol or two, and don't even get me started on Christmas lights.  I would swim in them if I could.

It shouldn't surprise me that my girls still adore putting up the tree, since I still love it, but every year I wonder if this is the year that it loses some of its childlike magic. After all, two of the three are about to turn their year over to a new one.  Thirteen and fourteen.  I can't even imagine how in the world we got to this age.  I've made the "no more birthdays" edict more times than I can remember.  This one hurts bone deep for some reason.  Gretchen Rubin is correct, "The days are long, but the years are short."

I was so looking forward to today, and all at once the weather turned very cold, and the clouds were dark and low so that the tree lights shown brightly even at noon.  The girls wanted to be hands-on for every part of the process.  We hauled the boxes and unpacked the pieces. We assembled the parts, unwound the electrical cords, fluffed the branches.  At last it was time once again to get out the ornaments.  I love my ornaments. We do have plenty of shiny, glittery balls and bobbles, but we also have ornaments that hung on my Grandmother's tree and that my Mom painted.  Things that I made, that my Dad bought, that my husband had when he was young.  Each year it's like unwrapping layers of memories all over again.  We had barely started when there was knock on the door and in came the over-the-top dose of joy in the form of our beloved five-year-old and two-year-old friends.   Suddenly, the room wasn't just filled with nostalgia and silliness, but everything was infused with the wonder and enthusiasm that only the very young can muster.  But the magic of children is never entirely contained, and what was merely  fun afternoon for my own children became all at once, as wonderful and wide-eyed as it was a decade past.  And as I am not the full time parent of littles, the unadulterated joy and enthusiasm of the very young isn't tiring at all, it is simply, purely beautiful.

I've felt a little melancholy of late, but today, well, today began as something special and then became a gift.  For just an hour starfish hands clapped and grasped, awed voices whispered, "Look how shiny this one is!" It was suddenly mandatory that everyone sing Rudolph at the top of their lungs while making sure forty-seven ornaments weren't hung on one small branch.

We unwrapped a little magic today, a sweet gift on a wintry cold afternoon.

Rainy day Puzzles

My Hunky is blogging. His flying fingers taunt me whilst I sit here and rack my brain, because sometimes, my brain gets clogged and the pipes that flow from my rapidly firing neurons to my set and ready fingers is very...very...very...s...l....o.....w.  The problem is that I have too many unfinished thoughts, too many things waiting in "it's a good idea, but not quite refined for enough for public consumption" space, and a whole lotta filters for all of that to drain through  before it gets kicked out here.

I worked on a puzzle today with my girls and my friend ( I can't decide if it's demeaning or endearing to include her in as one of "my girls" I don't think of her as a child but as she reminded my pre-forty self several times today, "She's not yet thirty!" ).  The weather was rainy and blowsy, and I wore my pajama pants all day.  We decided after she arrived to start a puzzle since it was a near death experience for me to try to get the Christmas tree out of the attic - a problem the Hunky solved in under three minutes. Curse male physique and my own midget-like limbs and stature!

I am aware that doing puzzles probably doesn't win me any extra cool points, but I do enjoy them, and generally the girls will all work on them for a little while.  Today we all spread out around the card table and started sorting...edges first (always, who can put something together without the framework intact? ) Then the largest identifiable landmarks, eventually we will work ourselves into the nearly inscrutable details pieces that you twist and turn and  discard and retry multiple times before you get a good fit. We're already nearly to that point.  Several times today I got caught in some errors.  At first, I put a section of the frame together incorrectly, which meant a big hunk was left out, and I couldn't figure out where to put it that it would fit.  The second time I had a section of pieces put together,  trying to fit into a larger construct, but I had them turned upside down in the alignment.  I couldn't quite figure out how to arrange the pieces to make them fit.

Enter my friend, my girl.  Each time she took a look at what I put together and immediately saw the problem, fit the pieces together correctly, and carried on with the rest of the puzzle (and reminding me how old I am, and at one point making a rather personal reference about the size of my backside.)

I think that's where my mental clog is now. I have many puzzle pieces assembled, and many more still sitting over on the table sorted by color and texture, but not really ready to be put into place yet.  A few pieces need some time, perspective and different eyes to make them fit right. Even when I don't know what in the world to say, sometimes just starting the process and letting the words all tumble out on to the page to be sifted through and fit together makes everything a little less jumbled. Bear with me while I adjust a few more pieces and then we'll really be ready to get this puzzle put together.

Sunday Salon: Ed 1 (Here goes nothing!)

When I posted my 7 Quick Picks on Friday,  (yesterday I was bizarrely under the weather and spent the day in bed) one of the things I mentioned was my new book page. When I wrote and published the new book page, one of the  things I promised on it was to be better about reading and reviewing the books I read. I'm really not a professional book reviewer, and I don't aspire to be one, but I would like to have a way to better track what I read, when and why.  I originally said I was going to do a post a month, but I think instead, I will simply join in the weekly Sunday Salon (which you can find on facebook  by searching Sunday Salon).

However, I really do want to review all the books I have read this month sooooooo...this one's gonna be a loo-loo. I will be writing less due to the sheer volume of books for the month so that neither you nor I gets too overwhelmed. MMM-kay? Here we go.

A Trick of the Light by Louise Penny - I started reading this lovely series shortly after the second book was published in 2009.  I have always enjoyed the characters, especially Inspector Gamache and Jean Claude Beauvior.  This summer however I was absolutely spell bound by Bury Your Dead which I quickly listed as one of the best books I have ever read. I didn't expect that Trick of the Light could delight me as much by any means, but I was quite pleasantly surprised. It wasn't quite as captivating as I suspected, but it absolutely did not lower in quality or character development.  Ms. Penny stepped it up a notch with Bury Your Dead, and she maintained that level in this year's Trick of the Light.  If you haven't yet visited Three Pines, I suggest you do.

A Circle of Quiet by Madeleine L'Engle - One of my hopes for 2012 is to spend a good deal of time reading personal memoirs. A Circle of Quiet has been on my shelves for some time as I have long been a fan of L'Engle.  I enjoyed learning more about her personally, and about her quirks and foibles. It's always good to learn that you aren't the only very strange person in the world.  A Circle of Quiet is the first in the Crosswick Trilogy (not its formal title, just how it's referenced) and I plan to read them all over the course of the next year.

The Winter of our Discontent by Susan Maushart - I picked this up based on the recommendation of my friend Lorri, and because it went along with the concepts I have been considering since reading The Shallows: What the Internet is Doing to our Brains.  I have mixed feelings about this book. I love the idea, and when Ms. Maushart is writing as a journalist, her information is interesting and well presented.  However, this isn't just a report, it's a personal memoir, and personally, she and I simply do not, and would not click.  She's pretty insulting to men in general (which is a personal pet peeve of mine), and we have some pretty disparate parenting opinions. However, it was a quick, informative read, and I am glad I took the time to read it. Had it not been a subject area that has my interest right now, I may not have stuck with it to the end,  I do not imagine I'll be looking up anything else by her.

Simplify and Inside Out Simplicity - both by Joshua Becker - These two books were both recently promoted for kindle at .99 apiece. Since I really enjoy Mr. Becker's posts at The Minimalists blog, and since my 31 days of Change were based on the concept of minimalism, I grabbed them.  They are both very fast, simple reads, but for me, neither one contained a ton of new information. However, I have spent a great deal of time these last few months reading about, learning, and "meeting" people who practice this lifestyle, so I didn't come to them as an unlearned reader. If minimalism is something you are interested in learning more about, I highly recommend you give Mr. Becker a try. His e-books are reasonably priced and pack a great deal of useful information in an easily digested number of pages.

The Physick Book of Deliverance Dane by Katherine Howe  - If memory serves, this is the last book I bought before we left Florida a few years ago.  It has been often thought of, but it somehow ended up in one of the boxes that never got unpacked when we moved the first time. When we moved again a few months ago and purged a great deal, the book resurfaced, and at long last I sat down to really enjoy it. Boasting one of my favorite literary tricks, the alternating narrative voice and/ or timeline, The Physick Book of Deliverance Dane has a lovely blend of academia and mysticism, and is tied together by the persons and events in Salem, Massachusetts during the infamous Salem witch trials.  I'm certain that only if this had been the most poorly written collection of thoughts in the world would I not have enjoyed it, but it isn't and I really did, even if I had figured out several of the plot twists before they were revealed.

So Many Books, So Little Time by Sara Nelson - This book is a reread for me, and it was just as fun, amusing and filled with book lovers quirks and secrets the second time around.  I've been planning to reread this ever since I decided to make a book page on my blog and begin being a bit more of a mindful reader.  So Many Books, So Little Time chronicles the reading choices of Ms. Nelson when she pledged to read a book a week for a full year and write about it in her magazine column.  We don't have similar reading tastes, but that hardly matters since real book lovers don't have to love the same books (though she does explore the emotional ramifications if someone you love doesn't love the books you love) to understand each other through and through. Ms. Nelson is a true book lover, and I loved the glimpses into her heart and how books relate to those inner depths.  This one's so good that it's still on the keeper shelf after the second read.

TigerHeart by Peter David - This books is not one that I would have been likely to pick up on my own. However, the Hunky got it off the bargain table using a gift card recently, and after he finished it urged me to read it.  It's basically a retelling of the Peter Pan story with which we  are all familiar, but it's the clever changes, the narrator as a character (he speaks directly to the reader, so if that isn't a style you like, this book isn't for you), and the almost heart breaking turns of phrase about childhood and growing up that make this story worthwhile.  I absolutely loved it because it was a wonderful to escape reality and simply enjoy the story, which is what a good fairy tale should do.

Shew! That ends this really really long edition of Sunday Salon.  Since I tackled this giant task, I see no reason what I can't get back here every week and simply cover the one or two books I generally complete in the weeks to come.

Tis the Season to be Jolly - 7 Quick Takes Ed. 20

1. I don't know about you, but we had a deliciously, fabulously, simple, quiet, delightful Thanksgiving. It's just been us five here for the past two days. We've watched movies, played speed, read books, fed the lake fish, and I have cooked a shameful amount of food. We will spend most of the next three days eating that shameful amount of food, and I may have to increase my running quite a bit to compensate. Speaking of running, I crossed the 1/4 of the way done mark in my 100 days of running yesterday. Thankful indeed!

2. I'm still puttering along with my one book at a time plan.  I added a book page and have a book plan. I might be a little too bookish to be normal. But it makes me happy.  I've failed at keeping a running a booklist so many times that I'm almost embarrassed to advertise trying again.  I actually plan to blog about this in a day or so, but since I am whittling my books down to the ones I absolutely, positively cannot stand to consider parting with, I feel like keeping a book list is necessary. I won't be able to peruse my shelves any longer and say, "Oh look, I've read all these books"  And my memory is nothing to write home about, so it's just as well that I do try yet again to keep track the words I let in.

3. The Hunky man has been home since Wednesday, and will be home through Sunday night (with a brief morning at church for us all).  It's been a marvelous stretch of time together.  I know we live in a world of hard working people and that the holidays are crazy for all.  But for our family, it's been far too much work and not nearly enough time together as I want (and let's be honest, I'm always going to want more than I can reasonably expect to get).  It's just been crazy, insane, frustrating stressful and busy. It's been nice to retreat to our peaceful bubble and just be for a bit of  time before we get rocket launched into the holiday season.  I'm already expecting to feel stretched and frustrated by my attempts to slow down a season that always ends up being too hectic.

4. I'm back to using my laptop which has developed this very irksome predilection to working only when other people who have a clue as to the innards of computer function are around, but being completely irascible when I, a person of quite limited computer know-how, am alone with it.  We have taken the steps of backing everything up on the family computer lest the laptop gives up the ghost entirely. Since I am working on minimalizing to an extreme what is actually housed on the computer anyway, this suits me just fine.

5.  Ah, I just remembered what I was going to say after I talked about books, but  then I forgot what it was. I knew it had to do with books! I finally housed all the DVDs (the ones that didn't get removed entirely) in their album which means another bookcase left the house this week. Most what of lives on the remaining Walmart bookcase now is on a six month probation period. If I don't get it read and decide to keep it in the next six months, it goes to a new home regardless. This means that that bookcase also has very limited time left with us as well.  Though it may migrate into one of the children's bedrooms, maybe. I'm more inclined to think it's just going out the door.

6. Wednesday night at 7pm, after a pretty full day of cooking, my oldest two daughters decided to clean out their closets which both delighted and frustrated me. I love that they got rid of a quite a bit on their own; I was more than a little frazzled and short with them at the time they chose to do it.  That leaves only youngest's things to go through before Christmas, but since she is my least inclined to be neat or organized, that's quite a job in and of itself.

7. I think I have run out of catching up type things to say...in fact I'm rather at a loss what to put for #7 unless you want to hear the story about the mouse in my daughter's room. I always hesitate to tell these type stories because then everyone just yells "KILL IT! KILL IT! KILL IT!" which irritates me since we really aren't into killing living things (unless they are house flies ) But I will say it was tiny and cute, and we had a hilarious time trying to keep it out of the closet and get it out her back door to the back yard. We finally succeeded.  Since we don't really have signs of mice in the house, and since we did have doors open a lot yesterday to combat the turkey smoke, and since her room (and door) are closest to the compost pile, we are chalking it up to random visitation rather than possible infiltration and we aren't entertaining any thoughts of killing small furry creatures.

Thanksgiving Eve-Eve

I'm very thankful for so many things this year that I couldn't even begin to wrote a comprehensive list. We are living proof that God is  the  Redeemer. He makes beauty for ashes over and over and over again. If I ever forget that I need only walk to the nearest window and look out.  At least once everyday I give myself a mental pinch and remind myself  "This is my life...not a dream vacation." And that experience speaks only to my physical surroundings. It doesn't touch the relationships, the growth in me, God's patience in letting me grow and learn, often with agonizing slowness.  I'm pretty sure I've actually heard Jesus say in my ear, "How long will I have to put up with you, O ye of little faith!"  Don't ever ask me if I think the disciples were a bunch of bumbling fools, I'm too busy tripping over my own faith to answer that, and I haven't even begun to touch the level of world changing work they did.

God is good.
He is good no matter what I see, hear, feel or experience.
He  IS  good.  In fact, He cannot be anything else.

I take comfort in that. Great, great comfort.
I take comfort in the fact that whatever it is He is doing in me and through me, He  IS  faithful to complete it.

However, what I am most grateful for right this very moment is that my Hunky is sitting right over there, across the room (behind my once lovely laptop, now a soon to be disposed of paper weight...but I digress), and here is where he will stay for the next four days.
Sometimes ministry is like riding the crest of the most awesome wave imaginable, and sometimes it's like that wave smacked you down, rolled you under and won't let you surface. It's been a bit more of that latter lately, which is the nature of life.  Time together for us, and as a family, has been precious and often scratched out of the meager moments of quiet down time.  But this week I plan to glut myself in being just us...just my family sometimes rowdy, sometimes loud, sometimes arguing, sometimes prickly...always beautiful, and always hand knit together by the Giver of all Good Gifts.

If you don't stop back by again before Thanksgiving, my prayer for all of you is that you revel in wonderful, adored, beautiful amazing gift of family, whatever form it takes for you this year.  And I pray you know that you, in all your glorious messiness of you, are adored with a love you can never earn or comprehend.  Roll around in it a little bit this weekend. Get yourself a little grace-buzz goin' on.  I promise, you won't be sorry you did.

Four Calling Birds

My daughter made fun of me today. I think she thinks I am turning into a stalker. I admit I was creeping down the sea wall with my binoculars in hand, but ya'll ..YA'LL this is what was in my lake today:

I did not take this picture

It is entirely possible that I am turning into James Audubon, but lately I spend at least thirty minutes a day staring out the window with binoculars or camera in hand.  Apparently I have a "bird face" because I can enter a room from anywhere in the house and one of the girls will say "Mom's going for the binoculars" and it's true.  It's definitely a good thing we home school because my reputation would be shot otherwise. 

I know I shared with you yesterday about my excitement over finally identifying this guy

I also did not take this picture

Look at her (I call her her because I call all the ones around my house "Her" because they seem like girls though I know they can't all be girls since they make babies...again, I digress)..have you ever seen anything cuter?  This one is tougher to stalk because when she sees me coming she dives.  That's right. She's just gliding along all smooth and serene and then out of nowhere she sees me gazing on her oh-so-stealthily from my sunroom, or perhaps even from behind the posts of the boat house and  floop down she goes quick as anything.  She even has the nerve to peep out her head to see if I am still around before she re-emerges. It's a good thing she's cute or might use her for target practice with an attitude like that (What?! I have a gun and a license! It could happen).

I feel like this is a good warm up post for when I really out myself and devote one entire photo-filled post to the real object of my obsession, Heron the Great.  I've posted about him before and if my computer weren't over in the corner dying, I would line up all my pretty little photos right here and just expose the full on crazy.  Instead I am warming you up to my brand of insanity slowly.  Tomorrow, oh tomorrow, there will be pictures. Pictures I have taken without consent. Pictures that I may have used both cunning and concealment to obtain. Photos that may have caused my children to ask why I was laying on the ground behind a tree...and I may have responded irrationally that if the Heron heard them I would use them as heron bait in order to lure him back.

But that may all be unsubstantiated rumor as well.  I'm just sayin'

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-laaaa-laaaaaaaaaaaaa

My blog isn't going to have any photos today, because I am not on my computer. I am not on my computer because it had to go on vacation to my personal computer guru's house ( AKA the fabulous husband of the equally fabulous Windy ) because today it decided to just not. turn. on.

Oh the irony.

It is also supposed to be a day that I did not get online at all, and Monday is as well. I never could figure out how to make my blogger be friendly with an offline blogging platform, so I did concede to allow myself to blog.  I was also on a wee bit this morning taking care of cheese business and printing some things for my Holiday Scrapbook cover. I plan to start scrapping something every day between now and Jan 15th when we come back from vacation, but I digress.  I wasn't offline completely but I did avoid the mindless scanning and browsing. I went in with a purpose and I came out quickly after having accomplished that purpose.

I also did not get to go to church today because my wee one is sick.
My older children did go to church.
And they had a dulcimer lesson.

I am literally green with envy. No. really.

I ran a complete mile without stopping  for the first time since late spring.  I ran two more half miles (not altogether, in intervals) which means I ran twice as much as I walked today AND today's count on the 100 days of Running countdown officially busts into the 70's! Seventy-nine more runs to go! It was pouring down rain this morning - completely unforecasted - so I didn't run until this afternoon which means tomorrow's run will be a total loo-loo. Not only did I run farther and harder today than any day these past three weeks, but I ran late. Which means just over twelve hours rest for my body between runs.

I am old. Ouch.

I finally found out what the adorable small birds I have been stalking on my lake are. Di-dapper ducks is what Georgians call them, but in reality they are Little Grebes or Dabchicks. I am obsessed with knowing what the names of all the wildlife are that I can see. I also learned that the fish I am feeding everyday are sunfish, and I came face to face with about eight or nine eating size bass right underneath my dock. Imma have to get me a fishing pole, except  I might catch the catfish which I would love to eat, but which I cannot eat because they are my friends. At least, the ones under the dock are my friends. They are part of my daily fish feeding herd. Yes, I am an eighty year old woman. What of it?

My read one book at a time quest is going well.  As soon as I close her down here, I am going to make a quick book page. We'll see how long it lasts, maybe this time I am more determined than all the other times I have tried it. We'll never know unless I get started, eh.

I intended to sit down and write deep thoughts about nature, and running, and discipline, and distractions.  This week is going to test my discipline in many ways.  I've asked the man to be home and not work, but I must continue my discipline of running. I've planned to wean myself off the computer more on days when I am going to have tons more down time.  I've whittled the books down again to clear another bookcase from the room, now I need to restore order with the books that remain.

This simpler lifestyle means constantly editing and changing, evaluating and whittling away the things that distract me from the person I want to be. Throw in a little holiday madness and some days are bound to be a jumble of good, bad, and all the layers of events that fill the spaces between.

Follow me in merry measure: Fa la la la la la la  laa laa laa!

Baby, it's cold outside!

I'm putting myself on a time limit writing this blog for two reasons: first, I have been known to stand around and dither about a blog for a very long period of time without ever actually typing anything and second because if I don't give myself a time limit I will stand here dithering about only to walk away in a bit never having said anything at all. Why? Because some moods are like that.

I've been feeling that I am at an inbetween place in my life this past week. That may be right or wrong; it's hard to tell when weeks have been as off kilter as this one has. None-the-less, I do feel that maybe God is testing to see if this year's theme has really sunk in before we move on to the next. The funny thing about themes is that they never entirely resolve. They simply build each one on the next, layer upon layer of building me, changing me, replacing stone with flesh. It's not unusual for the end of a year to begin to bleed into the next year's theme. It's also not comfortable as it stretches me. It pulls my faith higher and deeper.  It makes me have to face things I think I don't have the strength to face.

In short, I don't like it.

When I don't like things I tend to close down and withdraw, and while I don't believe that all things need to be vomited out into social media, I also am tired of closing all the blinds and locking the doors pretending the big bad boogey man isn't standing outside waiting to devour.

Here's the truth: He is. He's standing there waiting to kill steal and destroy and he's not afraid of shutters or locks.

This is where I have to make sure that I focus on the right thing. Am I focused on the very real evil that awaits right outside, or do I focus on the very real power that already dwells within?  My head knows that there is nothing left for me to fear, but does my heart beat with it? Do I breathe the truth of it in and out as air?  Do I embrace it, live it, share it and show it even while evil jumps and growls and bites and slathers outside, and sometimes inside my doors? Do I? 

I want to. I'm trying to.

It's the end of year of Character...has mine been refined? Am I different than I was last January 1? I think I am.  I guess now is the time to let life be breathed into the heart knowledge of that Truth instead of simply marking in my head that another calendar year has gone by.

There's no place like Home for the Holidays: Seven Quick Takes on Friday Edition 19

1. There's been a lot of life lived in this house this week. I feel like I've done, and gone, and planned, and talked and stayed up to late and run and thought non-stop! I lost some sleep because of it, and lately losing any sleep means the next day is a struggle, so I'm revamping my mornings. Apparently 100 days of running means your body is going to call in all the sleep debt you have acquired over the years. Rather frustrating. In case you  are counting down with me, today leaves me with 81 runs to go. I'm about to bust into the 70's and it was a little shocking to me to realize that I will pass the half way mark before Christmas! This week it's finally getting good again. I'm getting my stamina back and breathing doesn't feel like a UFC cage match. I told Hunky to remind me that I feel this good when it's good in about ten days because that's likely when I will hit my next distance and stamina wall. The process is as psychological as it is physical and it is easy to mentally destroy yourself after one bad run. These are the weeks to remember in those times. It puts me in mind of our spiritual walk being compared to a race, and also of remembrance stones in scripture. Both are very apt concepts in my soul today.

2. I've never been much of a scrap booker in any way, but I really, really think I am going to participate in Alli Edwards December Daily journaling project. I have some really fun things planned for the month, and I think I would like to capture them. Now Alli Edwards site scares the poo out of me but my sweet and very encouraging friend Stephanie has done this several years now with much smaller (and more) children than I have, and she shared with me some of her simpler journals. I love them, and I'm excited to spend a little time today looking for the few things I need to get started. I'm glad that Sara twisted my arm and put me in a head lock and threatened me with harm so I would do The Artist's Way with her. It's helping me believe I can do this!.

3. My beautiful, wonderful, amazing, inspiring friend Melonnie had a little sleep over here Wednesday night.  It was so good for my heart.  I honestly can't even remember when our hearts got all entangled, but some how it seems like many of my life changing memories also involve her sitting with me and cups of coffee between. It's been a long time since we cradled our cups with both hands and chatted about whatever comes to mind.  It's a few sweet hours I won't soon forget. And please, don't leave today without clicking over to the link on her blog right up there. In fact, don't finish here if you have to choose between my words and hers. Go there, right now, and get just a tiny glimpse of the amazing work God does through her obedience.

4. While I was talking with my Mel, overlooking the lake and pointing out the loons, she made the comment that it sounded like we lived in our own little wildlife sanctuary which kind of made me laugh. We have had quite a bit of animal activity this week including our bald eagles being very visible, my first beaver sighting, musk rats, foxes, loons, the always ubiquitous geese, deer, squirrels and chipmunks by the hat-full and a feral pig (he lives on the airport land; I see him sometimes when I run). I am still stalking the Great Blue Heron (pictured above).  It's possible he's taunting me now since sometimes I turn around and he's much closer than I would have thought he'd be. Of course I never have my camera at these times.

5. One of the local radio stations has started their 24/7 Christmas music already.  It makes me feel a little relieved about my own over whelming urge for Christmas music, at least one album, most days. If they are playing holiday music than obviously it's completely appropriate for me to do it as well. Considering that while we lived in Florida, I started listening to Christmas music on October 1st, the fact that I didn't really start listening to it until last week this year marks some serious growth on my part.  I think the actually changing seasons rather than the change of seasons being marked only by calendar pages turning, no leaves allowed, in Florida has enabled me to resist the lure of Nat King Cole's Christmas Song for far longer. But the fact is, I'm always going to be sneaking a song or two even in July because I really do love the season just that much.

6. I missed two days blogging this week.  I decided that's a trend I don't really want to continue so I'm here, catching up.  Ironically, I'm also thinking about drastically cutting down my computer time...even going offline four days a week.  I downloaded several offline blogging programs but with blogger and google becoming one entity, they won't let me sign in with my google password and my blogger password and username no longer exist so I can't connect the two. It's a quandry. These first world problems.....  ;)

7. I don't know about you but I can't believe that Thanksgiving will be OVER by this time next week! I have my menu planned and want to get a few snacky, fun, absolutely not good for us at all foods and some games for the holiday weekend. This will be the first Thanksgiving that we haven't traveled or had a crowd in I-can't-remember-how-long, and I am really looking forward to it.   Hunky is off half the week and since it lately has seemed that even days off aren't really days off, I'm planning lots of snuggling, and hanging out, and even some sleeping in. The weather is promising to be very cool and delicious (last year was a warm and stormy holiday). Maybe there will even be a bonfire and smores...hmmm....I love the possibility of using free time.

Truth and Beauty

I do so many things wrong in this life. Ghosts are chasing me today. Taunting me with wrongs things, wrong words...ghosts make me afraid of my words.

Truth and Beauty

Thanks be to the One who speaks truth and beauty, and points me to the things of substance and light.  Who knows why He chose me for it, but thanks be to Him for any grace He has given me in bringing up these crazy beautiful people. If I get nothing else right in this lifetime, let me have the grace to be the mother they need. Amen.

Fum, Fum, Fum

 I've been thinking a lot about singing lately. I believe I was about seven when I walked into my first voice lesson, and despite a few bouts of stage fright, it's been true love ever since. I simply love singing. I've sung a million places for a million reasons: death, marriage, shows, recitals, dinners, alone and in ensemble, churches, parks, halls, the car and the shower.  There are many things I am capable of doing, but none have I worked so hard or so long at as singing, and none would I miss more if it were taken from me.

I'm about to reveal my true inner geek here so be kind. I was thinking earlier today about when I have been most truly engaged in singing.  The person I am most comfortable singing with is my Hunky. We've led worship together so many times I have lost count. Singing with him is effortless and it allows me to lose myself in the music like I can't do any other time. There is no thinking, there is just music.  That's one type of joy.

The other occasion I came up with is from college when I sang with the David Lipscomb Early Music Consort.  When I  think of a true group of musical geeks, those are the names and faces that come to mind. We played herdy-gurdy's, lutes, crumhorns  ( a very serious instrument indeed ), psalters,  and recorders of all sizes. We sang in languages people didn't know existed to tunes time has forgotten. We dressed funny. We were challenged and bloomed under a gentle, brilliant giant of a man who never took himself seriously, but who loved to make ancient music come alive like no one I have ever met.  I realized today that I miss both the challenge and the silliness I had in this group. I even took a moment to look around the internet and see if there was anything of a madrigal flavor locally, but unless I go back to college - unlikely - there doesn't appear to be.  I'm more than a bit envious that a group of folks I went to college with are continuing the tradition in Nashville, which is just close enough to tempt me, but not at all close enough to be in any way possible.

Perhaps it's just fond remembering of something that wouldn't be at all the same. Dear Dr. Moore, our fearless leader passed away suddenly just last year.  Maybe it's a glimpse of something that may yet be part of my future. I believe I would embrace it if it did. Maybe it's just my way of remembering who I am, and how I came to be this me.

If you took the time to read this far, I hope you'll stay a bit longer and enjoy this little video.  This isn't the group I sang with now decades ago, but it is the group that has branched off from that. I did sing this song when I was in college, and my daughters looked at me oddly when I suddenly started singing it again with the video. I still remember every word. Conducting is the Gentle Giant I remember, and I can see in my mind's eye the corner of his mouth quirked in a tiny grin and his eye twinkle when every note came out just right.  There are people in this group that I remember blending voices with, and the gentleman vocalist on the far left is the man who married the Hunky and I.  Ah me, time is a funny thing...like smoke.

In the Bleak Midwinter

Last December from the back Deck

Last December at the water

We had our first freeze last night. It's officially my third winter in nineteen years, so I'm still all about the newness and freshness of it. I had occasion to be out in the very wee hours and diamonds of frost greeted me on my windshield. Breath-puffed, lungs burned, and I assumed the standard winter posture: shoulders hunched, hands plunged in pockets as I made the dash from vehicle to building.  By afternoon it was nearly 70* again, but this morning's frost was a messenger: winter is coming.  As much as I gloat and revel through autumn, winter makes me introspective and a bit melancholy, Today, little bands of sadness have wrapped themselves around my heart and squeezed. It was a day of the big questions.  What am I doing? What more can I do? How can I possibly do more with less? What have I wasted and can that waste be redeemed? Big questions that don't always have easy or answers.

I recently asked God to break my heart for the things that break his heart.

It's a vision that overwhelms me, and that's just here, right here, in the small town of Milledgeville, Ga. Strongholds and adversaries, apathy and complacency, racism and poverty are all. right. here. on my doorstep. Who am I to walk up to the gates of hell and begin pounding, asking for release? It's bleak. It's dark and cold and lonely and, let's be honest, scary.  It's easy for me to love cute children on a page of stationary in a country far away. Easy to write a check, write a letter, say a prayer (and don't get me wrong, I believe in the value of these acts, in the deepest way imaginable - but the fact remains that it is a sterile way to fight the enemy).  Being heart broken means being humbled, the humble are lowly, and dirty, they do uncomfortable things like hug lepers and wash feet.  These things, they are not sterile. They are not easy.

What have I wasted? What am I doing? What more can I do?


I have asked. When the answer comes, will I be ready? Will I obey? Or will fear tell me that one person can't possibly make a difference even in this one. small. town?  Do I believe God? Do I believe He can do in me and through me the things He has promised to do?

When snow falls, it gathers, it blankets and fills hollows, covers over the dirt and the mess cleaning and purifying.  Washing every thing white as snow, brilliant, blinding and clean. The thing about snow is, it falls alone. One unique flake at a time, but together, those flakes close this town down like an army has come and we are besieged.

One flake at a time.

What then can I give him? I must give my heart.

Seven Lords A-Leaping ( or 7 Quick Takes: Edition 18)

1.  This week has been an odd one. I've felt off-kilter, rushed and irritable.  None of these things are like me, and I haven't always enjoyed my own company this week.  I also gave up reading for just over 3 days
( you can see the reason why here ).  Yesterday I decided that was not a plan that was going to work for me.  This weekend I plan to re-read The Happiness Project  in preparation for next year's blogging. I plan to revel in reading and sit burrowed in blankets on the couch all the day..well except the part where I am running...

2. I don't know if I mentioned here or not but I am running 100 days in a row..because I am insane. Or because I completed the Couch to 5K over a year ago and then ran pretty consistently for another ten months and then this summer I fell almost completely off the running wagon. However, I tend to be a better person when I run...I'm in better shape, happier, more disciplined in general more goal oriented. So I'm running. This week I dropped into the 80's. After today's run I will have 88 days left. It's going to be a glorious afternoon for running, which I normally do in the morning but this morning I SLEPT IN!!


3. About two weeks ago I had a total "You aren't sleeping enough" crash. It was not good, and I really don't sleep enough on a regular basis.  I like to stay up late since that's a time I can be alone, and I am not always good at staying asleep.  However, since I am running at the break of dawn every day now, I have given up the night owl pattern (last night we stayed up to the very late hour of 11:15 which is the latest time I have seen all month and then some) and I have been practicing staying relaxed and in sleep mode when I do wake up. It seems to be working. Most days I feel more rested though I still struggle with physical fatigue from adding running and some weight training into my daily routine.

4.  I've really been enjoying walking around different places in town and taking pictures, lately. One of my goals in the next year is to learn a lot, lot, lot more about using my camera well.  I'm just winging it lately and hoping for the best, and using some fancy photo editing.  I have a great picture of Heron the Great to share from yesterday, but I'm too lazy to get up and upload it and edit it and all of that. So you will just have to come back soon for a discourse on other new hobby: stalk the large bird. I will also be taking pictures in a graveyard next week. It's possible this new hobby is not one that will convince people I am normal...

5. In case you didn't know it, today is the release of the final Harry Potter movie. My kids do know it. What they don't know is the we pre-ordered it.  I am planning a whole Happy Potter: Deathly Hallows Pt 1 and 2 marathon over our Thanksgiving hibernation.  They don't know that either. I'm also planning some disgustingly delicious snacks.

6. I was a little dismayed this week when I worked out our holiday schedule. We are taking a vacation in January so instead of taking most of the month of December off as we normally do. We will be schooling right up until the 23rd, and instead taking our break well into January. It's the same amount of time, just not as soon as it normally is. I'm working some fun Christmas things into the schedule so it's not just "business as usual" It will be an adjustment for all of us.

7.  We haven't turned our heat on here yet at Chez Portwood. I was kind of hoping to make it to Thanksgiving without using it--I'm strange like that-- and it indeed looks like we can make it until then. However, that weekend currently shows some temps in the 20's and I think we may really want some heat when it gets that cold.  This house seems to stay much warmer in general than our last house ( I can't imagine anything could be colder than that house was unless it was located in Montana).

And now my stomach is literally growling loud enough that my husband in the next room is commenting on it, so I shall leave you with all this scintillating randomosity and move on into my day!

Oh, The weather outside is frightful

Ok so it's not really frightful but it is fractious.  All day long sunny! dreary! windy! rainy! No, not rainy! SUNNY! oops hazy...cloudy! Sunny! Crisp! Warm! no Cool!  And with it my mood goes from energetic to sleepy to chilly to lazy to...well you get the picture. My brain has bounced maniacally while I forced my body into monk-like slowness and focus (because rushed and scattered has been my middle name lately and I am oh-so-tired of that).  One moment my heart is crushed and all the air squeezed out of my lungs and the next I am laughing hysterically over clever play on words with Pi and Pie.

Last night I waltzed blithely into the men's room....at church.


I grapple with survivor guilt and wonder what it would be like to suddenly live in Canada.

It's been too long since I just sat and watched the sun as it climbs the sky over the lake only to sink into it again on the other side. My body is tired from days of running and going and purging and doing. My mind is tired from planning and sorting and strategizing. My heart is tired from carrying the heaviness of those it loves well and deeply.  Ah... but tomorrow.

Tomorrow is Sabbath. It's the day when God will remind me again that He is in control. The world turns, the sun rises and sets,  and I have no need to lift a finger and still what will be will be.  I'll ponder the imponderables and when night comes, they will still be here with no fewer answers...but God...  I'll ask for vision and revelation which I may or may not receive, or understand, or like...still God... I'll snuggle the Hunky until the sun is up and beyond, drink hot chocolate, remark on beauty and laugh with my children... because God...

In the end it will all come down to God. It always does.  

I, the Lord, do not change.

Mele Kalikimaka is the Thing to Say

I took this picture when we were walking around downtown last weekend. It completely cracks me up for a lot of reasons, not the least of which was that I had  to stand on a busy street corner and squat in a less than flattering manner to get the right angle to shoot something no one else could really see and which I am sure left them wondering "Why is that crazy woman squatting and taking pictures of the street sign?"  And then I realize that probably no one even noticed since I'm not actually famous nor do I resemble a super model.

What I love even more about it though is the message. Isn't this often the way we live our lives? We see something unpleasant and we walk right into it.  Or we know something is going to be painful and we just keep walking as though perhaps the outcome could be something other than what we know is going to happen.  If we were really honest with ourselves we would say "If I walk straight into this hornet's nest, it will hurt like aytch-ee-double hockeysticks, maybe I should try something different."  I believe it was Einstein who said; "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

It's one thing to see and recognize the hornet's next. It's something entirely different to step off the path and go somewhere unknown in order to avoid it.

Because really that's the rub isn't it? What if we just changed everything, shook it up, said no, stopped pretending, fell down, got messy, made a mistake and tried again, looked like a fool? We belly up to the pain like we belly up to a bar, because numbness is surely better than trying something that has risks. Sometimes letting go of the bar means falling off the stool and realizing just how messed up we really are. It means sobering up and facing life head on without the anesthetizing comfort of  things as they have always been, no matter how much we hate them.

I've lived that numb life.  I've let go and pedaled and floundered; fell down and looked the fool.  Most days I still look the fool to most folks, I suppose. But I think, I think, the key, maybe, is recognizing where I am headed, and making sure I really want what I am walking into. I don't expect everything will turn out as planned, I just expect to have one heck of a good time getting there feeding lake fish, conversing with snakes, listening to Bing Crosby sing Christmas carols at top volume, watching herons dance, shutting out the nay-sayers, squatting at the intersection to catch that just-too-perfect shot.

I can just keep walking into the hornet's nest or I can grab my ukulele, thumb my nose and start singing "Mele Kalikimaka" Life's going to happen. I get to choose what song I am singing and what path I'm traveling while it does.

Still, Still, Still

 I took myself on an artist date today. That's one of the things you do when you are working through The Artist's Way, you  take yourself out for solitary chunks of time and do...well, you do whatever really strikes your fancy.  Errands aren't allowed. Cell phones aren't allowed. Inspiration, fun and whimsy are very allowed. The girls had science class today so after dropping them off, I went and ( finally!! ) treated myself to a Chic-fil-a chocolate chip peppermint milkshake ( to go) and set off for Memory Hill Cemetery. Today I went with notebook in hand and my Artist's Way book. I haven't been so disciplined in keeping up with the assignments so I planned to explore and work all at the same time. Next week I am going back with my camera.

I had some company in my work. Snakes don't bother me, and he was obviously just trying to catch a little sunlight, as I was. The mornings are chilly so an afternoon cemetery bask is entirely acceptable. He was fairly quiet, occasionally rustling a few inches to the right or left to best expose himself to all the sun he could.  It's hard to argue with a golden snake in the golden sunshine, and he seemed apt to agree with anything I said, while showing no inclination to talk back. All in all an agreeable companion.

It seems a silly skill to lose, and even more absurd yet to be excited about reacquiring it, but my ability to still is coming back to me, and I welcome it. As my no-leg friend and  I surveyed the scenery there seemed no need to for words. 

It is a still place, a place where all strivings have ceased. There is no hurry or worry, no deadlines. Nothing left to accomplish. No regrets. All is finished and nothing is left for tomorrow. Simply still, still, still everywhere you look. Time creeps and whispers.  Stone erodes away over a century of  years. What is there, remains. Unchanging, never moving.

Still.

Obviously, this is not the kind of still for which I pine, but to simply be for awhile, without a thought to what came before and what's next, to turn my face to the sun and hear the leaves fall around me. To keep companionship with the lowly and humble, to share being without speaking, these are the moments I am learning to seek out and embrace. To lean back on what's constant and sure and not worry about what is fleeting. 

Still.

It's a worthy lesson, a worthy day to learn it, and worthy company to teach it.

I'll be so blue thinking about you...

Just a bench in the sun

It's entirely possible that I have completely lost my mind. Here's how it all started: almost a month ago now (can you believe that, Sayruh girl??) my friend and I decided to work through The Artist's Way together. It's a sort of self examination, creativity releasing twelve week study. Yes, parts of it are as new-agey as they sound, but over all the benefits for me have outweighed the slight annoyances. Just knowing she is doing it with me has been enough to keep me plugging along. Some of it is pretty personal so we aren't all share-y all the time, but we do check in everyday.  But I digress. This week one of the exercises is to give up reading  for one week.

It's like giving up air people. I'm thinking you are probably underestimating the hugeness of this undertaking. 

Unfortunately I have to admit that even the exercises I have found to be the most annoying, have actually had some benefit to me while working through this, so I am going to go for it. Starting when I finish this blog until next Monday morning.  I can't even believe I am doing this. However, I am having to impose a few loopholes, not because I can't do it (I can do it; I just won't love it) but because there are things I do in my life that aren't negotiable for a week. For instance, I do read ahead my kids lessons and assignments for the week, and they are not taking a week off school.  I will keep reading that.  My Bible reading time, that's a non-negotiable. I will be continuing that. I am reading a book together with a friend and we are meeting Thursday to discuss two chapters. I haven't quite finished that, and our time together will involve some rereading while we discuss.

I will be giving up all fiction and non-fiction that does not relate to the scenarios above, all blogs, restricted email, and restricted computer time over all (this will make my legs happy since I started standing at the computer today because I am weird like that, and I read this article that reminded me that this was something I had been thinking about already anyway before life went off the chain this summer). I will still be blogging - it's writing, not reading.  I am honestly not sure what I will do with the time I normally read. Especially when it's late night before bed reading time with the Hunky.  

I'm certain my Hunky thinks I am crazy making this change and that change, throwing things out, reorganizing, reordering and apparently instituting ghetto decor for my standing computer desk.  Or maybe I'm having a mid-life crisis since I went and dyed my hair quite dark today.  Either way, I'm making changes, having more fun and simply enjoying myself both outwardly and inwardly than I have in some time. 

Maybe I'll write a book about it, not that I could read it.  

I Wonder as I Wander

It's the most Wonderful Time of the Year! 7 Quick Takes Friday: Edition 17

1. I almost didn't blog today.  My in-laws are in town. We had early Thanksgiving with them. I spent a good deal of the day puttering in the kitchen and cooking some of my favorite things. I'll turn around and do it again in a few weeks and enjoy it just as much. I did make what is hands down the best cranberry dish I have ever made: Spicy Cranberry Chutney.  I said earlier that it was like cranberry crack.  I know it amuses my family when I make something and then go on and on how good it is, but it really was amazingly delicious.  I love when I make my own taste buds that happy.

2. I started making mental Christmas lists today which means in the next day or two I will actually buy a present or two.  I'm actually pretty excited about getting on the ball a little early this year. I know many people take care of it even earlier but since I am usually a week or so before Christmas or even as late as Christmas Eve buying things.  I'm hoping to have a bit more of a laid back holiday season this year.  Last year was a large amount of insanity with the flu for everyone thrown in for good measure. No thank you (and no we won't be getting flu shots this year because of it)

3. This week I started back to running. In fact, I am planning to run for One Hundred Days straight.  I have five under my belt.  It's great to get back into the habit and the weather is amazing for it this time of year. As much as I hate the time change bringing the early nightfall, I will enjoy not running in the dark at 7am.  It won't be too much longer before it gets cool enough that I will switch my run to early afternoon, but I think that won't be until after Christmas.

4. Sometime this week I will be blogging about next year's theme. If you haven't read me for long, you won't know that it seems that each year God gives me a theme to learn from, live by and be expectant of.  I am too lazy tonight to link to previous year's themes. I will tell you that this year has been obedience and next year is... 

5. I was thinking earlier today about all the goals and plans I have every year at the New Year ( I love love love love the New Year a ridiculous amount. There's something so filled with possibility about it. ). I realized that every year I have started the year planning to reorganize, purge clean and make simple. Then I realized, not next year.  When January 1, 2012 rolls around I will actually have most of that taken care of around here. Sure, there will be habits to maintain and refining to do, but as a whole, I think that's something that won't be reappearing on my list of goals and plans. It's kind of an odd feeling.  It felt the same way this year when I took C25K and start a regular exercise routine off the list. Sometimes I think it's more comforting to hang on to the hope of accomplishing something than to muster up the courage to actually do it. I will have to find new and exciting fun things to do next year. How fun!

6. Sunday night my girls all dressed up for a 70's party at church. They certainly seemed very very old, and beautiful. I definitely need to get a bigger shot gun, or a shot gun at all.

7. I am about to put myself on a library book moratorium. I still have books sitting on shelves here waiting to be read that I need to decide of they are staying or going. Probably a great deal of them will move on after reading. However, reading books from the library often seems more glamorous or exciting and so I do not read what is on my shelf.  Time to buckle down and finish the book purging with the books that remain. Yes, it is a task that may be easier said than done, but we'll get there!

Bring us the Figgy Pudding

Many eons ago, before my husband was in ministry, he was the head athletic trainer at a large local high school. This meant that, without fail, there was always a football game the Friday after Thanksgiving. We didn't travel. For the first few years, we went to his Mom's house for the holiday but a few years later they moved to Miami, and Thanksgiving was a day that I was left to my own cooking devices.  It took a few years and some trial and error, but eventually Thanksgiving became my holiday. I cooked for it. I hosted it. I loved  it.

When we moved to Georgia, for the first time in sixteen years, we were able to go to my Mom's for Thanksgiving.  Honestly, I loved that too. I love being at my growing-up home with all my brothers and all the loudness and all the familiarity that entails. It's home. I will always love it.  However, after over a decade of being in charge of Thanksgiving, there are things that weren't the way I would do them, obviously. I no longer was in charge of the meal, or even most of the meal. My brothers and I each contribute a dish or two, but my Mom still does the bulk of the work (I imagine she feels about it much the same way I do. We're clones in more than just looks.).

This year, however, we are not traveling home, either north or south, for Thanksgiving again.  Having traveled the two years previous, it is our turn to hold the church down while the rest of the staff runs amok across the nation. I've been pretty excited about having a few days to lie low, sleep in, and wear jammies until noon. I've been more excited about once again being in charge of my favorite dishes in the kitchen.  Today, Hunky's parents arrived for a few days stay, and an early Thanksgiving celebration.

I browned sausage and tore bread.
I diced onions and apples.
I soaked herbs in butter.
I mixed cheese and broccoli and rice and cooked it until it bubbled and browned.
Tomorrow I will chop jalapenos and zest limes.
I will boil cranberries until they swell and burst.
I will snap green beans and stuff birds and season pumpkin filling and bake and roast and boil and baste.

I had forgotten how much it means to me to bless others with the bounty we have been given. It's Thanksgiving season in my home, and I plan to squeeze the most love and joy out of it I possibly can.

Sleep in Heavenly Peace

Sunrise on my dock

I'm a big believer in rest....for everyone but myself. I can push harder, go farther, stay up later and get more done than most people. Until, I can't.

Life's been pretty crazy around these parts for the past few months and rest, real rest, has been hard to come by. I have to confess that even our Sabbaths have been sporadic and half-hearted.

It shouldn't come as a surprise, then,  that when I settled again into a routine of running (after an extremely slothful summer) that my body rebelled. It's not just telling me to rest. It's forcing me.


What I am finding most odd is the enjoyment I am getting out of finding ways to rest more effectively and for longer periods of time. I've not been a good sleeper for many reasons in the past --**flashing the cancer card--apparently, that happens to a lot of us**-- and I've always been one to shun a nap when I could be doing something important or productive. But lately, I have embraced the concept of the 30 minute nap.  I love to lay under my electric throw and snooze for a bit in the afternoon. Thirty minutes seems just enough to drift, snooze, and awaken without dragging the rest of the day.

My Hunky has poked fun at me this week saying I can't hang with the big dogs, but honestly, I don't think I want to. Hanging with the big dogs makes me stressed, cranky and exhausted.  I'm finding it a lot more enjoyable to listen to body and give it what it needs.  When I do I am more alert, happier, more creative and less cynical. All that and a cat nap too.

Sounding Joy

Nothing says cool like a beach umbrella in your fishing boat

I took this picture in the early fall this year because I thought it was one of the funnier things I had ever seen in my lifetime.
I really thought a long time about what I wanted to blog about in these days leading up to Thanksgiving and (finally!!) to Christmas.  The last month was a great deal of growth and thought and change. Those things will continue but I think I want to write about a bit lighter fare here for awhile.
Part of the reason that I wanted to simplify was to have more time to do two things: serve my Lord, and focus on the things the truly being me joy (those two concepts are very linked in my mind as when I serve along the lines of my gifts it always brings me my greatest and deepest joy) Lightening my load both materially and emotionally has been allowing me to be more spontaneous, more thoughtful and provided me with many opportunities to practice getting those really great laugh lines like my Hunky has.

I read this earlier today:

Your legacy is the fragrance of your life that remains when you yourself are not present. 

-Daniel Taylor

and I realized what I really want my legacy to be is that I am someone who exudes joy so much so that it leaves a lasting fragrance when I am not around. So that is what I will be blogging about the next few weeks here.  About joy and my journey deeper into it. Sometimes it will be silly and sometimes a bit deeper than that.  I never know what form joy is going to take in my life so I'll have to be watching carefully.