I can't hear out of my left ear, today. That has nothing to do with what I am planning to write about in a minute, but since I can't post any stati anywhere and the sensation is positively maddening, and I feel I need some sympathy, that's what you are going to get to open this post. Now, we can settle in for the real posting.
I've been talking to God quite a bit lately. I am still praying the hours and loving it. I also have a bit more down time than I had before. But I think it goes back more to praying the hours than the down time, because goodness knows there are only about 50 billion ways that I can come up with to kill time. Now that most of my day is structured in three hour segments I find myself working more productively, but I also find myself more mindful in general of the God who is Here.
At the beginning of this year I posted Romans 12:1-2 as one of my theme verses:
So here's what I want you to do, God helping you; take your everyday ordinary life - your eating, sleeping, going-to-work, walking-around-life - and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for Him...fix your attention on God. you'll be changed from the inside out.
I didn't really have a plan or a goal to start out with, I just had a word: Attention.
I think I have paid more attention this month than ever before in my life. This is at times wonderfully beautiful, at times painfully revelatory and even terribly difficult. Seriously, yesterday I pined for the internet like water. I don't know that I have ever missed connecting with God like that. Idol much? I probably said that already, but God just keeps bringing it home to me. The very "there-ness" and familiarity of the internet, the ability to get lost in it...
Funny thing is, that is exactly what God should be to me. I am finding that it is merely a matter of tuning my mind, turning my heart, altering my focus just a little bit to see, paying attention to the fact that He. is. right. there. in my everyday doing-dishes, folding laundry, educating-my-children life. He doesn't just see it; He is in it. He is in it and all of it is an offering of praise to Him, even when the soggy bread in the drain at the end of the day is almost too much to contemplate, He's still there: in the bread, in my selfish service, in my tired at the end of the day. He is there, and He redeems each moment, softening my heart and my actions even as I grumble in the doing.
Draw near to me and I will draw near to you is His promise, and so I do. In the smallest of baby steps while he lifts his robes and runs to me, the prodigal returned, the Groom to His beloved, the Maker to His most precious creation.
The hours turn and the sun rises and sets. I kneel and bow and rise to kneel again.
He is near.
He is here.
I had only to desire to see.