|Cloud on the water. Photo by Hunky|
Today I prayed two bold prayers. One I am not ready to reveal yet, but the other is one that has resonated through all my hours all week: show me what keeps me from you, Lord, and help give me strength to remove it.
And so He has, because His name is Faithful.
And so I sit here with the idol in my lap and pray for courage to write the next the words:
An undisciplined, self-willed life is puny. An obedient God-willed life is spacious. Prov. 15:32 (The Message)
I like to fool myself into believing I am able to be disciplined. In many ways, I am, and it is no struggle, but the thing I honor with most of my time I call Useful. A tool. A way of connecting. It is those things. It is also the furnace into which I feed my time: study time, family time, prayer time, meditation time, creative time, relational time...so much time. Hours, minutes, days.
This has also been my prayer this week:
Teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom Prov. 90:12
But my numbering is clouded and shrouded by the demands of my idol. It whispers to me that I am needed, wanted, enjoyed, appreciated. That I have worth.
Worthless promises from a worthless image who can no more add value to or devalue me than it can do anything else.
It's going dark. For 40 days. Forty numbering days.
This is the one exception. I can still blog. I can still blog and comment on my own blog because this is one thing that truly is part of the vision God is birthing in my life for 2012. Thirty minutes a day. No other open windows. No other pages, blogs, emails, games, searches social networks. Words only: no pictures, no links, no frills.
Good heavens. It's almost like jumping off a cliff, which ought to tell you how badly this change is needed.
Until March 1st, then. You can find me here, and I will hopefully find the me God is calling me to be in all the hours I am not here.
We plan the way we want to live, but only God makes us able to live it. Prov. 16:9