1.21.2012

Numbering Days

Cloud on the water. Photo by Hunky


Today I prayed two bold prayers. One I am not ready to reveal yet, but the other is one that has resonated through all my hours all week: show me what keeps me from you, Lord, and help give me strength to remove it.

And so He has, because His name is Faithful.

And so I sit here with the idol in my lap and pray for courage to write the next the words:

An undisciplined, self-willed life is puny.  An obedient God-willed life is spacious. Prov. 15:32 (The Message)


I like to fool myself into believing I am able to be disciplined.  In many ways, I am, and it is no struggle, but the thing I honor with most of my time I call Useful. A tool. A way of connecting.  It is those things. It is also the furnace into which I feed my time: study time, family time, prayer time, meditation time, creative time, relational time...so much time. Hours, minutes, days.

This has also been my prayer this week:

Teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom Prov. 90:12

But my numbering is clouded and shrouded by the demands of my idol.  It whispers to me that I am needed, wanted, enjoyed, appreciated.  That I have worth.

Worthless promises from a worthless image who can no more add value to or devalue me than it can do anything else.

And so...

It's going dark. For 40 days. Forty numbering days.
No computer.

This is the one exception. I can still blog. I can still blog and comment on my own blog because this is one thing that truly is part of the vision God is birthing in my life for 2012.  Thirty  minutes a day.  No other open windows.  No other pages, blogs, emails, games, searches social networks.  Words only: no pictures, no links, no frills.

Words.
And Me
And Time
And God

Good heavens.  It's almost like jumping off a cliff, which ought to tell you how badly this change is needed.

Until March 1st, then.  You can find me here, and I will hopefully find the me God is calling me to be in all the hours I am not here.

We plan the way we want to live, but only God makes us able to live it.  Prov. 16:9

21 comments:

Pattie said...

I love you! I will miss your emails but all I will have to do is take it to the phone! :)

Nancy Dodson said...

Once again, you've challenged me. And stepped all over my toes. God bless you, my sister Dana.

Julie said...

you go girl!!!! Can't imagine doing this myself.
Even though I know I need too.

Julie the coward

Lorri said...

Like jumping off a cliff ~ I get that. The idols, they sneak in quietly with promises that they are really good for us. I pray that this will bring you ever closer to realizing the other bold prayer, as well.

Dana Portwood said...

Yes, I will still be texting. My dumb phone is just aggravating enough that me overusing it will NOT be an issue!

Dana Portwood said...

Nancy pie-- I keep thinking "this is crazy!" Which means it must be done!

Dana Portwood said...

LOL! Julie! You are no coward. We all have different things we have to wrestle with.

Dana Portwood said...

Lorri I definitely covet your prayers! I know we are like minded on so many things. I will be praying for you. And if ANYTHING breaks through with Abigail you BETTER be letting me know!

Leann Richardson said...

You are reading my journal! I am taking a computer fast after I get back from San Antonio!!! I have also postponed the Daniel Fast for that time as well. I know that trip would have been too hard to keep to it with having to eat out too much. AND the Proverbs 15 verse is in my journal, too. I know we are not on the exact journey but we seem to run in the same stream a lot. That never ceases to amaze me. LOL I love you and may your time be fruitful and enriching down deep in your spirit like you have never experienced before.

Becky Perry said...

I wrote a blog recently about "the box in the center of the room". To be honest, I wanted to call it "the idol in the corner" but I was afraid I'd offend someone, which is laughable - not sure anyone even READS my blog. Anyway, we just cut off our cable and our Netflix streaming. It was a big deal for us and it was scary and just the fact that we did it gives me hope.

I will be praying for you Dana!!

Alene said...

WOW these resonates within my heart. I've been sensing a stirring of too much and wanting MORE MORE of the computer. I've been praying through it all. I can just imagine your decision is like jumping off a cliff - but I'm proud you are. Can't wait to hear about the journey!

Lorri said...

You got it. :) The only thing going on right now is that my youngest sister who just graduated from college is coming to live with us for a bit while she job hunts ~ hence the big cleaning & organization fest that is going on where we've turned my office into a guest room for her (nicknamed The Yellow Room). After she gets her own apartment, it's hard to tell how God will end up using that room. I just get the sense that it's not mine anymore.

Sara said...

(((((((((Dana)))))))))))) Dude. This is awesome, and beautiful, and craggy, and just full of promise. Praying for your time out in the desert. It's gonna be an amazing ride.

Cathy N said...

Praying for you over the next 40 days. God is so good and I can't wait to hear what He teaches you through this.

Pattie said...

I hate that I didn't get to see you when I lived there, Leann... :(

Dana Portwood said...

Thank you for your prayers Becky! It was a pretty scary when we got rid of cable. We still have netflix streaming but it isn't something that robs us of time and it helps us TREMENDOUSLY with school.

I WILL read your blog when I get back!
Love you!

Dana Portwood said...

Alene I keep saying and saying and saying that I am going to cut back and I don't.
Now it just isn't an option. and I am finding (to my humility) that it's far more habitual comfort than useful tool.
I've had a few moments of grace for things I have totally forgotten that I really AM required to respond to (like renewing library books) but overall that has been less than 10 minutes time--and I feel like God wants me willing not resentful because I have to jump through 20 hoops to do what I can do in 30 seconds online. That's not really the point. HOWEVER, I am hoping that I won't need to do that again as I believe all my online loose ends are tied up now.

Dana Portwood said...

Thank you Sara!

Dana Portwood said...

I thought of you and your fast while I was praying about Cathy. So far I have been so so so so so busy I almost feel guilty for not listening enough--LOL! I still have a lot of days to go yet.

Leann Richardson said...

Me, too, Pattie Pie... me, too!

Dana Portwood said...

How did I not reply to this already! Leann I am not surprised at all that God is doing some of the same work in us. He always has. I think you are wise to wait on the daniel fast. It's no good setting yourself up to fail and feeling guilt and self-condemnation. That isn't what God wants!