Fasts and Feasts

I have a confession to make: I wrote this blog in my head in my jacuzzi tub, while crying because I'm not in Arizona anymore, which is funny  because three nights in row while in Arizona a dreamed about my beautiful lake, and I haven't stopped anticipating the glory of that hot bath since day two of demolition work at 10:16 am when I received bruise number 486.

I did have a wonderful time this morning, hugging my friends, singing, wondering what in the world I would do to feed us this day since we empty our house of groceries every time we leave for more than thirty-six hours.  I was welcomed home with great love and that love was deeply received and cherished. Everyone was shiny, happy and celebratory as befits a day of remembrance for God's greatest gift .

But my mind kept drifting away to a group of dirty, weary, bruised itinerant missionaries 10,000 feet in the air overlooking squalor, pain, and hopelessness and raising the only weapons we possessed to fight the entire powers of darkness. On an ordinary Thursday afternoon we celebrated ressurection with ragged voices and blowing dirt, and it was breathtaking.

I can't find the balance between the feast and the famine and I realize that this is the result of mission trip hangover. All the wonder, all the fatigue, all the miracles, all the pain, all the beauty and all the despair have marinated in one too-short night sleep.  I am undone.

I miss my mission team family even while I revel in the utter silence of home (my introvert is so happy!)
I feast on blessing of the Lord while listening to an inner guilty voice tell me how many months I could sponsor a Native American child with what I spent on the blessing.

I wonder how long we can all hold on to the changes God began in us, and what seeds "normal life" will quash all too quickly.

I am excited and exhausted with possibility.
It's going to take awhile to unpack it all, but there is a great deal of unpacking and changes to be made.
However, today, I rest, and feast and celebrate a Savior who so loved the world, that He came to save....me.


Aisling Beatha said...

Well, you'd be eating out for dinner over here since it's the one day of the year stores over a certain size are not allowed to open.

Windy McKenzie said...

I think that all of this is the other part of why I am having a really hard time readjusting today. Yesterday even felt like culture shock.