5.30.2012

Now what.....?

May was a challenging month. I don't mean it was a bad month because there were so many fun and wonderful days where I laughed hard, worked hard, rested, enjoyed my family, enjoyed friends, was encouraged and just generally enjoyed life and living.  But the news about my brother's cancer has been a hard thing to swallow let alone digest.  It's led me down dark and cob-webbed hallways in search of I know not what. It's had me examining rooms that I had locked behind me and trying to see ahead through windows and into rooms that aren't yet ready for occupancy. It's been too easy to escape into mind numbing activities to avoid thinking at all.

My Hunky said it best yesterday: "Everything is in flux"

And so it is. Yet at the same time I can't escape this nagging niggle at the back of my soul that says I am getting too comfortable, too safe, too routine, and truth be told I have taken to pacing the house nights like a restless tiger, padding the same paths back and forth until a groove is worn in the ground.  Fortunately, running has again addressed the sleep issues I was having and as soon as I stretch out on my bed everything shuts down quickly and completely. I sleep and sleep until about twenty minutes before my alarm goes off. This last part makes me a bit sad because I'd really like to sleep until my alarm, but I'm so happy to be sleeping again that I don't let it bother me for more than a moment or two.

I'm reading the Bible in 99 days with a wonderful people from just about everywhere.  We're using the Bible in 90 days program so accomplishing it in 99 days means we are just overflowing with grace for those days when life throws you curve balls. It also means there is still time to be part of something that really matters.  Most mornings find me with my coffee and my kindle camped out on the deck while the sun comes up.  Though it's turning muggy for running, it's wonderful still for sitting and reading.  I get my running done as early as possible and then take my time with the Word.

Summer has started all around. We are only weeks from camp which means only a small amount of time before we do some summer schooling.  Writing that sentence makes me want to lapse into another mind numbing activity without actually allowing it to sink in.  My oldest is starting high school, yes you read that right. I feel ill equipped to handle this properly, as though there are new rules that I haven't read and am not sure where I left them since they aren't in the game box.  All of us have uttered the phrase, "I don't want to mess up my kids;"  I'm saying it with a lot more intensity lately. If you see me walking around muttering under my breath you can know that that is what I am saying, or praying.

I'm challenging myself to blog every day in June. If that doesn't work out, I'm considering becoming a lettuce farming hermit and just gardening and eating until the end of time.

1 comment:

Pattie said...

I just love you......