Sometimes you think you are ready to move forward with plans you have made and sometimes? Well, sometimes life throws you twenty-seven curve balls each one more likely to cause bruising than the last. Then you jump and dodge, you hang onto sanity by the tips of your fingers, dig your feet into the dirt and pray you don't whip off into eternity flipping head over feet.
That's me since about mid-April.
I had two fabulous, complementary aspirations: 100 Things Project and the Non-Consumer Experiment. I still think they are great ideas, but I wasn't actually ready to start either one until now. Life got crazy, time escaped, plans fell apart, and things are still a little shaky. But, the insanity of the week of celebration is ended. The schedule of life is smoothing out just a smidge, and I feel like I can consider improvements rather than just bowing to the tyranny of the urgent. I can maybe even dodge a few more curve balls.
I spent a great deal of time yesterday just thinking. The weather couldn't have been more perfect if I'd created it myself. I let the sun soak into my skin and clear the shadows in my mind. I pondered reaching the mid-point of my life (because lets be honest, a few years give or take, and I am at the halfway point - barring, you know, random cancers or what-not). I though about all the wonderful things that fill it now, and some of the things that occupy my space and time that I do not love or enjoy, and how to be done with those things. I thought about all the things the next forty or forty five years will hold, what I hope for and who I want to be, changes that need to be made, disciplines I need to shoulder. So many things to think about.
I don't believe in scheduling every moment of every day. In fact, I believe we'd all be a great deal healthier if we enjoyed a more unscheduled, unplanned, unachieving hours or days of joy and relaxation, more sabbaths, but I also know that a life without aspirations is empty and aimless. I am not yet the person I would like to be, and since I am still here, I'm obviously not completely done with my work. So in the next few days and weeks, you can expect to be reading more about my more immediate plans and even some thoughts about how to make long term shifts in behaviors and thought patterns.
I haven't forgotten my overriding purposes for this year: to be more thoughtful, kinder, more joyful and more prosperous. My thoughts all move along these lines without my even planning it, so I know I'm being prompted act. This crazy-amazing sometimes despairing life is still a sweet adventure, curve balls and all.