9.14.2012

Seasons Change

I realize that the calendar says we still have a few more weeks of summer, but in my mind and heart this week ended summer and began a new season. We returned from our annual family trip to Florida, made possible by the incredible generosity of friends.  My brother, who began summer with a cancer diagnosis, successfully underwent surgery to remove the cancer.  Other than turning back time and somehow circumventing cancer altogether, we couldn't have chosen a better outcome after a long season of chemo and radiation and waiting. I entered summer bursting with plans and ideas and ended up in a bizarre holding pattern: my own health issues and recovery, concern for my brother, grief for a dear friend, and general survival all held me stationary - even while I ran and flailed and faltered.

As we were sitting on the beach last week I realized that I no longer felt like I was recovering. I felt healthy and strong, not like one wrong move would break me open again.  This week I opened up the windows and let the fresh air in.  A single text message lifted a weight that I hadn't known was crushing my chest, pressing down on my shoulders since May. I began to breathe fresh air.  The sky cleared of its summer haze, and I could once again see a billion stars. I didn't have to climb into a book to escape my own head, but instead I looked in there and found I like my own company again.

What I'm trying to say is the season is changing.

The season is changing, and I am done waiting.  Well, I'm done waiting stagnantly.  I feel that twice since April, God has had a message for me - just for me, because most of God's direct words to me relate only to He and I. I'm no prophet. I lost faith in His word somewhat through this long slogging season, but He refreshed it for me as I stared into the vastness of the ocean. However, just because He refreshed my memory, doesn't mean I have even the first idea of how it's going to come about. So I am still waiting, but not stagnantly, not because I'm paralyzed in not knowing what to do, or trapped in the sticky morass of worry.  I'm waiting with a purpose, and every day that purpose gets revealed anew.

The calendar tells me that the next season on the schedule is winter, but I believe I've had my winter for awhile. I don't know how long this season of active waiting will last, but I believe it's going to lead me into spring.

I'm actually excited; it's been awhile...

3 comments:

Craig Portwood said...

And another perfect example of why I love you & am blessed to travel this journey together.

Lorri said...

Sometime last year one of the children at church made a rainbow picture with the misspelled caption "God never brakes his promises." That touched a chord with me ~ even though I don't know the timing, He does. Anticipation can be a good thing. :)

Maria Summers said...

I know you thought this was about you. But *I* needed it.