Forging New Paths: New Things Day 15
One thing I have discovered-- there are more things than this but this is the one on my mind today-- in the two weeks that I have been engaged in new things is that I think I have more to say than I actually have to say, much of the time. I have tried each day to write something that I wouldn't consider a cop out. I can think of two days where I failed at that goal. I'm also writing regularly now at Middle Places blog. It's a great deal of words to come up with on a daily basis.
Writing more has made me question more. I've been asking myself: "What do I want this blog to be about? Why do I think people would want to read anything I have to share anyway? Who am I writing for? What am I going to do after this month is over?
I'm basically stumped to fully answer any of these at this time, but I think they are good questions and worthy of being asked if I plan to continue writing at all. I've played with the concept of writing for years, decades even. I am one of the lucky folk to whom many things come easy. Writing in general isn't all that difficult for me. I pick it up and lay it down and make excuses when I've let it lie too long. But the fact is, many times I don't do anything with it because I don't want to find out that I am only pretending to be any good at it after all. These questions I am asking, they tend to strip my thoughts bare of pretenses and force me to examine both talent and motive. Am I only fooling myself that I could do something that actually matters with my words? Would anyone care if I did? What am I doing that isn't any good, or is it all dross to begin with? I don't want to be one of those crazy divas that you see in the first few episodes of American Idol every season who refuse to hear anyone tell them they don't actually have talent and should pack up and go home.
Why am I saying all of this today anyway?
I suppose because I committed to new things for thirty one days, and I suddenly find myself swimming in much deeper water than I anticipated. Fun recipes, easy field trips and good books have evolved into serious self-evaluation and new pathways of thought and behavior. It is entirely possible that I could come to the end of this month a very different person than I was at the beginning.
Whoever said renewal was easy, clearly was speaking only of magazine subscriptions.